Sergeants Puns

The private said, "That's a tall order, sir."

Soldier: Thank You Sir!

..dunno, I give up.

Alliter o' rations.

It was a dishonourable discharge.

They're full metal jackets after all.

Took him to the infant-ry

"PRIVATE, DID YOU COME HERE TO DIE?" The private responds: "NO SIR! I came here yesterday!"

Some background, this man never makes jokes and never laughs. I'm doing some car work and he calls me and I go with 'Hey I'll call you later' he replies 'Don't call me later, call me grandpa' didn't even laugh just made the joke then hung up.

He was explaining to us what we should do with our new maps

Platoon sergeant: "You have to trim it down to the area we're in and then waterproof it."

Me: So you're saying we have to... laminate it?

Dis-cuss

Idk if this fits this sub, but I'm planning a Halloween costume and just need a punny name for it.

I'm going to wear timberland boots, camo cargo pants, an olive/brown/green/earth t-shirt, aviator sunglasses, and get a beer bandolier.

I need a solider/army/military + beer/alcohol/drinking pun to name the costume. Any suggestions?

He was their Grill Sergeant.

I don't remember what it's from, but I do remember that the scene involved a squad of soldiers with their sergeant coming across the enemy, and it went like this:

Sergeant: Fire at will!
Private: Uh, who's Will?
Sergeant: Just shoot, you idiot!

A drill sergeant

They named it Drill Sergeants'

The Grill Master Sergeant.

My grandad told me this one and it stayed with me forever.

"Did I ever tell you about the time that I was in the army?" he asked me one day, this should have told me something was off right away because no one ever even mentioned him being in any army. "I was having an affair with my superior officer, she was beautiful. But it was too weird, too strained by the fact that I was a private and she a Sergeant. So I pulled her aside one day and said, 'listen Tina, I have to break it off, it's getting too difficult to keep going. But she was mad about me and she started crying. I tried to console her, I said 'Don't cry for me Sergeant Tina!!'

He was the Custardy Sergeant

A grandfather is talking to his grandson in the den. He is reminiscing being a former paratrooper for the military. He began to tell his grandson the first time he had to jump out of a plane.

Grandfather: "Well there we were in the plane as the sergeant opened the door of the plane. He began yelling Go! Go! Go! And one by one troopers began jumping out. When the sergeant yelled for me to jump I couldn't do it, I was too scared. The sergeant then looked at me and says private if you don't jump I'm gonna fuck you in the ass."

Grandson looks up at grandfather and asks: "Well did you jump grandpa."

To which the grandfather replies: "A little at first."

He's a staph sergeant.

Me: "I think I have carpal tunnel"

Dad: "I think I have sergeant bridges"

Coworker: I have a general question… Me: Do you want the Sergeant Answer or the Major Answer? The entire office groaned. :)

The security guard where I worked was a retired Army sergeant who was always joking with us.

One day I came in from a smoke break and asked what had happened to the guy in the parking lot. I said that he looked like he'd been injured in combat or something - missing his right leg and right arm.

I could hear that everybody had stopped working because they wanted to hear about this guy.

The security guard asked if he was still around, because everybody in the building had to be signed in by him.

With a straight face I replied, "No. He's just left."

After reading an article stating that Sergeant Drew Wu was a key role in the show.

Me: So I was reading how Wu plays a really key part in the show according to this article I read. What do you think?

Dad: Ya, he's the Wu that holds everything together.

Me: 'Nods head in appreciation and carries on watching.'