Drill Sergeant: I didn’t see you at the camouflage drill today

Soldier: Thank You Sir!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danuser8
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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When I was in the Army, the drill Sergeant once shouted at me, WHAT DOES SURRENDER MEAN ?!!

..dunno, I give up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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What did the stout, starving sergeant eat in the army?

Alliter o' rations.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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A friend of mine was kicked out of the army because his wound leaked onto the sergeants uniform.

It was a dishonourable discharge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/procrastiprov
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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Drill sergeants like wearing aluminum hoodies.

They're full metal jackets after all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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What did the drill sergeant do with his newborn when the babysitter cancelled?

Took him to the infant-ry

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chandler404
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2017
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A sergeant of the Australian army yells at a private....

"PRIVATE, DID YOU COME HERE TO DIE?" The private responds: "NO SIR! I came here yesterday!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/question87
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2014
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I just got dad joked by my stern ex drill sergeant grandfather.

Some background, this man never makes jokes and never laughs. I'm doing some car work and he calls me and I go with 'Hey I'll call you later' he replies 'Don't call me later, call me grandpa' didn't even laugh just made the joke then hung up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/N64GC
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2015
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My platoon sergeant's name is Lami

He was explaining to us what we should do with our new maps

Platoon sergeant: "You have to trim it down to the area we're in and then waterproof it."

Me: So you're saying we have to... laminate it?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elmosworld37
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2014
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What do you call a person who disses abusive words

Dis-cuss

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yashrajt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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I need a pun

Idk if this fits this sub, but I'm planning a Halloween costume and just need a punny name for it.

I'm going to wear timberland boots, camo cargo pants, an olive/brown/green/earth t-shirt, aviator sunglasses, and get a beer bandolier.

I need a solider/army/military + beer/alcohol/drinking pun to name the costume. Any suggestions?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lcg32195
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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A newly enlisted recruit was in basic training, being yelled at by a former barbecue chef.

He was their Grill Sergeant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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An exchange I remember seeing in a cartoon or movie a long time ago

I don't remember what it's from, but I do remember that the scene involved a squad of soldiers with their sergeant coming across the enemy, and it went like this:

Sergeant: Fire at will!
Private: Uh, who's Will?
Sergeant: Just shoot, you idiot!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MajorRobotnik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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What do you call a bird in the army?

A drill sergeant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombiesAtHome
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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My veteran cousin opened a dentist office.

They named it Drill Sergeants'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/twinsaber123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
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What do you call a USMC DI at a cookout?

The Grill Master Sergeant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossum81
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
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When my grandad was in the army...

My grandad told me this one and it stayed with me forever.

"Did I ever tell you about the time that I was in the army?" he asked me one day, this should have told me something was off right away because no one ever even mentioned him being in any army. "I was having an affair with my superior officer, she was beautiful. But it was too weird, too strained by the fact that I was a private and she a Sergeant. So I pulled her aside one day and said, 'listen Tina, I have to break it off, it's getting too difficult to keep going. But she was mad about me and she started crying. I tried to console her, I said 'Don't cry for me Sergeant Tina!!'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/c0mpliant
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2013
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I just saw a police officer that was yellow and runny...

He was the Custardy Sergeant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BarrelledShipman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2017
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Another gem from my dad

A grandfather is talking to his grandson in the den. He is reminiscing being a former paratrooper for the military. He began to tell his grandson the first time he had to jump out of a plane.

Grandfather: "Well there we were in the plane as the sergeant opened the door of the plane. He began yelling Go! Go! Go! And one by one troopers began jumping out. When the sergeant yelled for me to jump I couldn't do it, I was too scared. The sergeant then looked at me and says private if you don't jump I'm gonna fuck you in the ass."

Grandson looks up at grandfather and asks: "Well did you jump grandpa."

To which the grandfather replies: "A little at first."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cdub609
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2014
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My sister's marine boyfriend got a bad infection

He's a staph sergeant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTrendyCyborg
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2015
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I've been complaining about my wrists and my dad laid this one on my yesterday...

Me: "I think I have carpal tunnel"

Dad: "I think I have sergeant bridges"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/headphones66
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
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Dad joked my new coworker this morning.

Coworker: I have a general question… Me: Do you want the Sergeant Answer or the Major Answer? The entire office groaned. :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajtxander
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2014
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He wasn't alright

The security guard where I worked was a retired Army sergeant who was always joking with us.

One day I came in from a smoke break and asked what had happened to the guy in the parking lot. I said that he looked like he'd been injured in combat or something - missing his right leg and right arm.

I could hear that everybody had stopped working because they wanted to hear about this guy.

The security guard asked if he was still around, because everybody in the building had to be signed in by him.

With a straight face I replied, "No. He's just left."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neurohero
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2014
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Was visiting my parents the other night and watched Grimm.

After reading an article stating that Sergeant Drew Wu was a key role in the show.

Me: So I was reading how Wu plays a really key part in the show according to this article I read. What do you think?

Dad: Ya, he's the Wu that holds everything together.

Me: 'Nods head in appreciation and carries on watching.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Indy1204
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2014
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I was in the army once and the Sergeant said to me: "What does surrender mean?" I said: "I give up!"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geve4now
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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