Saviors Puns

Jesus swept.

My mom is looking in the mirror and says “My face is wrinkly; my arms are flabby; I look so fat.” She turns to My dad and says “I need a compliment”. He says “Your eyesight is perfect” !!!!

It's cheesus!

His picture only requires one nail to hang

Have you accepted cheeses as your Lord and Savior?

Now that you're here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior?

He said: No, my name is Daniel. Do all Asian guys look the same to you?

Me: No. I meant, do you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior?

Sally was at Sunday school, when she fell asleep. The teacher realizes this and says, “Sally who is the creator of life?” Her friend, Colin, who sat behind her. Poked her with a needle to wake her up. She wakes with a jump and yells, “GOD ALMIGHTY” The teacher responds, “Very good Sally.” Soon later, Sally falls back asleep. The teacher, again notices and says to her, “Sally who is our savior?” Colin again, pokes her with a needle. Sally jumps up and yells, “JESUS CHRIST!” The teacher responds, “Very good.” For a third time Sally falls asleep. The teacher, having enough of it, asked, “Sally, what did Eve say to Adam after they had their 17th child?.” Colin again, pokes Sally with a needle to wake her up. She jumps up and yells, “I SWEAR TO GOD, if you shove that thing in me one more time, I’m going to rip it from you, and shove up your throat!”

My uncle posted a status that his wife finally got granted citizenship:

Uncle: Today, Mrs. [wife] is an American citizen! She is now legally allowed to waste food, hate foreigners and accept Jesus as lord and savior

Dad: And bear arms... can't forget that part.

Uncle: She doesn't have bear arms... she shaves.

(No offense intended)