Sallying Puns

A Meg Sally sandwich.

why did the sewer go to the wrong side of the road?, >!because they were a sewer sider!!!!!<

Knock Knock "who's there" Not Sally

Sally sells C-cells by the Seesaw.

It just makes no cents.

I thought that was pretty cool, 'cuz it gave me somewhere to put my arms.

Everywhere.

She couldn't see that well

It was here a minute ago.

Kid: why?

Dad: because she had no arms!

Kid: laughs you’re so funny dad

Dad: here’s another... knock knock!

Kid: who’s there??

Dad: NOT SALLY!

Kid: ....

Her mom became trans-parent

She wasn't so shore about it anymore.

My daughter woke me around 11:50pm last night. My wife and I picked her up from her friend Sally’s birthday party, brought her home and put her to bed. My wife went to the bedroom to read and I fell asleep watching basketball.

“Daddy”, she whispered tugging my shirt.

“Guess how old I’ll be next month?”

“I don’t know, honey.” I said as I slipped on my glasses. “How old?”

She smiled and held up 4 fingers.

It’s now 7:30am. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.

...we'll travel south 'cross lamb

It was time for the prom at Klondike High School and Tim's friends were desperately trying to convince him to go. He considered it, but was very self-conscious of the fact that he had had an accident as a young child that caused him to lose his eye, and the best his family could afford was to buy him a wooden eye. After several days of goading, Tim finally decides to go.

Sally was in a similar situation. Her friends desperately wanted her to go prom with them, but she was recently in a car accident and lost her right leg. She had a prosthetic, but it was very uncomfortable, so she had a hard time walking. Reluctantly, she agreed to go.

It was the night of the prom and both Tim and Sally were getting all gussied up with their friends. They both make it to the prom, but when they arrive, they are both too nervous to dance. Tim's friends notice Sally sitting on the wall and say to him, "Look over there! There's a cute girl who's all alone and needs a partner to dance with. Why don't you go over there and ask her to dance?" After some further convincing, Tim sheepishly begins to walk over to Sally to ask her. As he approaches her, he getes nervous, and awkwardly stands in front of her for a few seconds before saying, "Wuh...wuh...would you like to dance with me?"

Excitedly, Sally exclaims, "Would I? Would I?"

Tim responds angrily, "PEG LEG! PEG LEG!"

To go with the traffic jam.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”

He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. “Well, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.”

“No, she’s not.” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

“Well, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said. “Her name is Sally and she’s selling batteries.”

“Batteries?” cried the wife.

“Yes,” he replied. “She sells C cells by the Seashore.”

She sells sea shells by the sea shore.

Sally was at Sunday school, when she fell asleep. The teacher realizes this and says, “Sally who is the creator of life?” Her friend, Colin, who sat behind her. Poked her with a needle to wake her up. She wakes with a jump and yells, “GOD ALMIGHTY” The teacher responds, “Very good Sally.” Soon later, Sally falls back asleep. The teacher, again notices and says to her, “Sally who is our savior?” Colin again, pokes her with a needle. Sally jumps up and yells, “JESUS CHRIST!” The teacher responds, “Very good.” For a third time Sally falls asleep. The teacher, having enough of it, asked, “Sally, what did Eve say to Adam after they had their 17th child?.” Colin again, pokes Sally with a needle to wake her up. She jumps up and yells, “I SWEAR TO GOD, if you shove that thing in me one more time, I’m going to rip it from you, and shove up your throat!”

...He could hear from the music and the roar of all the people, it sounded like it was going to be a lot of fun so he got in line to buy a ticket. Once inside he ran into Sally, whom he'd had a massive crush on since grade 3, seven long years ago. They danced up a storm all night, and he felt like tonight was going to "end well". 10 or 15 songs later they had worked up quite a thirst. They meandered over to the drink table and asked the guy in front of them if this was the line to get a drink, and he replied "That's right, this is the punchline".

Some of the kids attending are:

Sally Buckteeth and her family of farmers,
Larry the Lefty and his fam of circus freaks,
And Johnny no-feet and his family of midgets.
They were all excited for their tour of the dairy farm, and the CEO himself stood up to speak: "OK, everyone, a few ground rules: due to the industrial nature of the farm, mandatory steel-toed boots and a minimum height requirement are in effect."
The assistant pipes up- "Sir, one of the kids can't attend the trip!"
CEO- "Oh no, which one?"

The assistant replied, " Little Johnny, the one that lacks toes and taller aunts."

My coworker came up to my desk to ask me a question so I pulled my headphones off. He started with "Say, Sally...". So I shouted "Sally", put my headphones back on, and continued working.

Note: Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Girl: So have you seen Pan yet? I heard it was good.

Me: No but the Pot is pretty great.

Girl: No I meant the new movie, the origin story of Peter Pan.

Me: Oh no, I haven't seen it. But I heard Sally Spatula was also a great story. It was a good flip ending.

Followed by twenty minutes of me giggling while she walked away shacking her head.

Not Sally

Sally sells C-cells by the Seesaw.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

She had no arms...

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Not Sally...

She sells sea shells by the sea shore

She sells sea shells by the sea shore