It’s 90 degrees there
"Tanks a lot!"
Boss: You mist the boat.
Dad : You mean our son?
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers. You make the world a happier place! 🤩
.. He's Dr Hans Sanitizer.
Me: Well, your search ends today. At my previous job, whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible.
The man thinks for a moment, and then replies, “I am perfect for you. In my last job, lots of things went badly wrong and they always said I was responsible.”
They give us Nickelback
I'd rather dye.
"It's not a poplar tree contest."
Still to this day holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
I told him "I'm generally managing"
My four year old granddaughter just came home from the zoo and asked why elephants have trunks. I did not miss a beat and replied they have too much stuff for a suitcase.
You’ll see. You’ll all see.
"I'm measuring your patience!"
I said “At what?”
Well son, you were in Baghdad back then.
I asked two friends for the best pun Bond would utter if he'd just shoved a bad guy into a huge industrial deep-fat fryer. Their responses were:
Friend #1: "Play with fryer, get burnt.
(Isn't there an old saying of don't play with fire unless you want to get burnt?)"
Friend #2: "Why is my instinct to say cool off there?
Let's assume it's christmas. 'Thats a real Crisped Kringle' is what I'd say
Or do I know the guy's dad? Let's say I do. 'Youre a chip of the old block'"
I know, I need new friends. Do me a favour redditors and please tell me whose pun is least awful? And if you have any better ones, I'm all ears! (Mine was "Thank God it's fry day", I'm sure you can all do better).
They insist on bringing a baby to full term.
Advertising slogan will be a doddle: “Please drink Responsibly.”
Because I want to know
That would have been real crumby.
Edit: thanks for the gifts! I’ve never felt so kneaded.
...so that’s just being hippocritical...
My response: Not sure son, that’s kind of a grey area.
(Dad waits for the common response: "I don't know, what?")
Then I'd advice you to never take a bath.
You can see it in their fright of light response.
My friend just told me that pizza restaurants’ mozzarella is actually blended with provolone to make it more affordable and my only response was
“They cut the cheese?!”
And I’ve been laughing hysterically at my own joke for 10 minutes
Namasté
I was responsible for making the T.
So my wife is currently working from home and her employer decided to send her a hamper package in the mail. It was quite nice but pretty standard stuff. Wine, some cookies, crackers and also a bottle extra virgin olive oil (came with a cheese platter kit)
Wife was pretty happy about the fancy packaging and showed it to me saying "look they even sent extra virgin olive oil in this little fancy bottle for cheese platters!"
My response? "Aww that poor olive oil bottle never had sex? So sad!"
...Pls send help
To this day he still holds the record as the worst mechanic in the Luftwaffe.
