An attorney was offered a chance to play the role of William Shakespeare in a movie, but had to respectfully decline...

"I can't," the lawyer said. "I'd be dis Bard."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Everyone at Jack Bruce's funeral was dressed respectfully in black...

...except Eric Clapton and Ginger Baker, who were in cream.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sandysingssongs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Respect the trees
πŸ‘︎ 581
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Respect nature, my deer
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Planet_A
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Midwives deserve a lot of respect...

They really help people out.

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My favorite Christmas songs are Respect and Chain of Fools.

They're Christmas music because they're sung by A-wreath-a Franklin.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bobskimo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
You know why I respect Canadians?

Because they always bring their Eh Game.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tkseizetheday
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
It occurred to me today that I would have loved to see two of my favorite bands from the 90s, led respectively by David Usher and Gavin Rossdale, on the same ticket. The sign on the theatre would have been epic.

Moist Bush.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/average_legend
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Sounds more respectable and hot.
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bhushanw-tf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Feet deserve respect.

They're legends.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Macackers
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
We should raise the Lego bricks and help them to a normal Level of Respect!

They have been stepped on for far too long.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A_German_Memer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Respect is urn-ed.
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OverSpeedClutch
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a lot of respects for midgets

It would be wrong of me to look down on them

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
mozart is from the classical era and bach is from the baroque era, which means mozart was respecting his fellow ancestor.
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oniongoddess
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to organize my change by putting each coin into their respective cage, but someone stole all the nickles!

Now I have a nickleless cage...

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Einetio
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Animals should be treated kindness, respect and....

... a little bit of salt.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NZOC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Most mushrooms are kind and respectful

But every once in a while you find one that is downright shit talky.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BokenUnbroken
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the respectful way to bury a cow?

cream-ate them

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dangerfolf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a respectable color changing lizard?

A stand-up chameleon.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I respect anyone and everyone...

Who doesn’t touch the thermostat.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Who respect actors the most?

Backstage crew. Always giving props to them.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/abhilashmurthy
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I respect the people who are able to sit and stay at home during these times.

They are my idles.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
People will respect you personal opinion more if you pronounce it poissonal opinion

It sound more ofishal.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jethvader
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Treet plants with respect,

Or leaf them alone!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WoozyDragon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t Captain America and Dr. Strange respect each other?

Because there’s no honor amongst Steves.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheXMarkSpot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
We got pulled over and the cop wanted to know if my dad knew why. "With all due respect sir," my dad replied...

"If you forgot, I'm not going to remind you."

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Mandatory temperature screening will be required for fans attending the Foreigner reunion concert.

If you’re hot blooded, they’ll check it and see.

πŸ‘︎ 112
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sierrasport
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Rocks don't get the respect they deserve.

A lot of people take them for granite.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A good way to respect the dead

is to not fall asleep at a wake.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
People think being a waitress isn't a respectable job.

But hey, it puts food on the table.

πŸ‘︎ 296
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/polic1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Respect
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonlanderson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Respect the classics, man.
πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doFloridaRight
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts

They have a lot of spirit

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MonotoneYay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What technology does the Chinese Government use to determine which dance moves are appropriate and respectable?

Motion censors

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the most respected cut of meat served at the world's finest restaurants?

Sirloin.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you see that meteor shower?

No, I respect others’ privacy

πŸ‘︎ 155
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ironicplatypus84
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I've always had a lot of respect for people who work in sewers.....

.....I mean, the shit they have to go through

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anassis
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Respects to Mr. Agen
πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
🚨︎ report
AF stands for Absolute Respect.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/defucktive_potato
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
There once was a farm, famed for the high quality of product from the award winning cows, many spoke of it in hushed, respectful tones, but none could say where it was, and many claimed, but none could prove that they had been there.

It was legendairy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yeahmaybe2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I made this video in good humor only... please do not take it as offense in any way, shape, or form!

Life as a Stay at Home Dad (honest humor nothing against Stay at Home Dads)

As as an aspiring father figure, I have the greatest respect for dads of every kind. In fact, much of this stems from the fact I’ve grown up from the age of 6 without a father of my own. I made this video as a comical representation of what I hope to be one day: a guy full of dad jokes and such humor.

Thank you for reading and enjoy!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mosswyatt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My father deserves to be tree-ted with respect. old.reddit.com/r/dadjokes…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/idkflycasual
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Obituary for the Pillsbury Dough Boy, Pop N Fresh

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eyes_and_teeth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does everyone admire and respect their feet?

Because feet are legends

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/viserys8769
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.