What do you call a country where its residents only drive pink vehicles?
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︎ Jun 28 2022
The CCP monitoring potential COVID positive residents
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︎ May 29 2022
Where does a dyslexic kangaroo go when he's sick
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︎ Sep 11 2022
Whatβs the weight of two turds?
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︎ Aug 25 2022
Breaking news: a trampoline was picked up by strong wind gusts and flew into a power substation causing power outages for thousands of residents. The power is expected to be out for several days.
Donβt worry though, weβll bounce back from this!
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︎ May 01 2022
What is the 19th century term for residents of Baghdad whose astrology sign is either Libra,Sagittarius, or Scorpio?
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︎ Apr 08 2022
If you walk into a bathroom as an American, and you walk out of the bathroom as an American, what are you while you're IN the bathroom?
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︎ Jul 27 2022
I took a day trip to my childhood home today. I knocked, and when the residents answered, I explained how I grew up there - and asked if I might come inside to relive some nostalgia. They angrily refused, SLAMMED the door in my face, and threatened to call the police if I didn't leave.
My parents are the worst.
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︎ Dec 20 2021
Witches don't have automatic transmissions.
Their brooms are all stick.
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︎ Aug 12 2022
The midwestern state above Arkansas has announced a new program to bring in more tourists.
The program is called βMissouri loves company!β
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︎ Aug 08 2022
Breaking news: Wuhan residents cured from COVID by drinking an artificially flavored orange drink.
They are calling themselves the Wuhan Tang Clan
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︎ Nov 30 2021
What did Van Helsing sing when he killed the last vampire?
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︎ Aug 03 2022
What's the best place to avoid death?
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︎ Aug 05 2022
Why do California residents go to neighboring state for transplants?
Because there are a lot of Oregon donors
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︎ Nov 04 2021
Why did the policeman think it was ok to enter a residence when he thought he heard bird calls inside?
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︎ May 29 2021
The samurai walked up to the steps of the temple where the emperor resided and committed seppuku in protest of the emperor's actions.
He really displayed a lot of guts that day.
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︎ Sep 29 2021
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︎ Jan 17 2021
A martial artist entered a convent and started tossing the residents around.
He was working on his nun chucks.
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︎ Aug 09 2021
What does a house wear to a party?
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︎ May 05 2022
What do you call a DNA kit for Alabama residents
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︎ Apr 17 2021
Did you hear about the town that legalised pot but banned alcohol?
The residents were left high and dry.
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︎ Dec 02 2021
Itβs been a few years now since the tragic fire that burned down part of the Cathedral of Norte Dame...
Authorities still havenβt determined how the fire started,but they say one of the residents of the Cathedral has a hunch.
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︎ Sep 19 2021
I've never minded the winged insects that reside in my footwear.
Shoe fly don't bother me.
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︎ Jan 16 2021
The Egyptian government has asked Cairoβs taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.
Operation Toot And Calm βEm will last a week.
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︎ Sep 28 2020
The local seniors care home rejected my offer to speak to residents about the advantages of being young in far-eastern countries...
apparently it is not "appropriate" to talk to residents about the benefits of youth in asia.
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︎ May 31 2020
What do you call a southern Pennsylvania resident who wonβt pay for his local food specialty
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︎ Feb 11 2020
Why did the body invite the elbow to the party?
Because he was a funny bone.
(brought to you by my resident 10 year old)
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︎ Jan 23 2022
My apartment complex issues frog-shaped parking stickers to its residents
Because all others will be toad
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︎ Mar 15 2019
What do residents of the Shire use for birth control?
Anything, really, as long as it's non-Hobbit-forming.
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︎ May 27 2016
Why does Alaska give its residents free money?
Because they don't want anyone left out in the cold
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︎ Jun 15 2017
A resident in my building said: "The mulch around those trees should help retard weed growth."
My reply was "I'm sure Weed Growth's parents would prefer to refer to them as developmentally delayed."
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︎ Sep 18 2017
The retirement center where my elderly grandmother lives has an annual 4th-of-July ball for the residents.
We call it "In Depends Dance Day."
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︎ Jul 05 2016
I get it, you hated him 4 years ago ...
... and you still hate him now. But now he's an official resident of Florida and I may see him differently now. I've seen a lot of hate thrown his way, but this guy is a consistent winner and an overachiever. That's what the people who support him love about him. Yes, there have been some scandals. Yes, there have been some lies and maybe a few times he's twisted the truth to make himself look better. He's out there everyday proving those haters wrong time after time. Call it jealously, call it envy. Some people just can't handle how successful he is and how much money he has. They could even be jealous that he's got a hot, foreign model as his wife. You may not have wanted him in this role, but he's there now and there is nothing you or I can do about it. I know it'll possibly get worse over the next several days, but like him or not, Tom Brady is turning things around in Tampa Bay.
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︎ Nov 06 2020
Someone told me as a kid that huge reptiles reside in the sewers...
What a croc of shit that turned out to be.
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︎ Oct 15 2015
If there was a city of nothing but hip hop artists where all of the residents were informal or unconventional, promoting new age ideals...
it would be a bohemian rap city.
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︎ Aug 28 2015
Got Dadjoked by a resident at work today
I work at a retirement home. I was in our dementia unit this morning, about to give a gentleman his AM meds. I asked him: "How are you feeling today?"
He replied: "With my hands."
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︎ Jul 29 2014
A foreign man was driving around Montego Bay one dayβ¦
He passed a resident while going up a dead-end street, then a few minutes later came back down the street and asked the resident for directions. The resident replied, "Sureβ¦
Jamaica mistake?"
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︎ Sep 02 2021
My mom is the resident dad joker.
Every time my dad and I ask her to "give us a hand" with something, she just starts clapping. She thinks it's hysterical every time.
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︎ Dec 28 2013
Hanging out in a public lounge in my residence hall when suddenly...
A good friend of mine walked in and told me that he had to study for an algorithms final exam in the morning.
I responded that I heard that class wasn't very difficult, isn't that just a class where former presidential candidate Al Gore shows up and lays down some beats for a few minutes?
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︎ May 08 2014
I need some giraffe puns!
Hi, everyone! A while back, I won a large stuffed giraffe in a contest, and it's just been sitting in my basement ever since. However, I've decided to use it to ask a girl to prom. My friends all know me as the resident pun aficionado, so I figured writing out a cute way of asking alongside it would work well. I'm struggling to come up with something, so I was wondering if you guys had any quality giraffe or neck puns I could use. Thanks in advance!
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︎ Mar 09 2015
i need help fellow r/puns residents i need to come up with 80βs themed puns for a veggie tray and chocolate mouse
Edit: I was not born in the 80βs I will not get any of the references
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︎ May 11 2019
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