I can't stop thinking about Bruce willis movies. I guess old habits

Pulp fiction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daymanahaha
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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What do you call a priest who dresses in a nun's habit?

A Transistor

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmperorOfFabulous
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer?

Father-in-law

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MalariaDamnYou
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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Due to my flatulent habits my daughters have started calling me "Farther"

They didn't like it when I retaliated with...

"Daughturds"

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wasprobot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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I was anxiously waiting to hear the result of the Worst Bad Habit Awards

It was nail-biting

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alwaysthecold
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My dog Minton has a terrible habit of eating shuttlecocks....

Bad Minton.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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So I picked up a pretty bad smoking habit...

My son hates it... he always likes to tell me β€œdad! Stop! Smoking causes cancer”... I’m always disappointed to inform him, β€œNo son. Smoking causes ashes”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaSuperior
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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My wife left me because I made too many Linkin Park references

But in the end, it doesn't even matter

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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What do you call a nun that sleepwalks?

A Roamin' Catholic

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmperorOfFabulous
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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My friend Anne has the habit of hiring & firing people...

I hate to see someone Anne employed.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are nuns so predictable?

Because they're creatures of habit.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/motobuddha
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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My friend has this weird habit where he gnaws at bricks when he visits someone’s home.

Doctors are calling it Munch housin’ syndrome.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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I have a bad habit of ripping up my artwork if I don't like it.

I probably shouldn't have become a tattoo artist.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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How do you pronounce the acronym for the Second Home Habitation Helpers?

"SHHH" "What - I'm just trying to ask a question!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MunkyPants
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Its ok to kiss a nun....

....but don't get into the habit.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Bought a book about my procrastination habit

I'll read it tomorrow

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charlieb2007
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t play pranks on your coworkers.

It’s a silly habitβ€”tricks are for kids!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What do sisters do for fun in the convent?

Nun of our business really, but I suspect it's habit-forming.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...

It’s quite the CoNunDrum

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackJones2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a habit of excess masturbation but I'm glad I was able to beat it.
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

πŸ‘︎ 681
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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I had to give up my habit of eating clocks

It was just too time consuming

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LevelVS
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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I have a compulsive habit of obliterating album CD's of classic hard rock bands

You could say I've got an appetite for destruction

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cinoxal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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What part of northern Canada is habitable?

Nunavut

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thats_Folked_Up
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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You know what they say about old habits...

you can buy them from a boot sale at a convent.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordJimsicle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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Why do nuns wear black?

It's a habit they get into.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ag25666
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I took all the crab legs at the all you can eat buffet

I have shellfish eating habits

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RZN_AZ
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Carrots have a hard time getting rid of bad habits.

It's a deeply rooted issue.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Bruce Willis will probably keep making action movies, because you know what they say about old habits...
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/auroraborora
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I wonder if nuns ever pick up bad habits
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stupidlyugly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
This weekend I will absolutely kick my habit of tapping on dead trees

Knock on wood.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do nuns go to confession?

So they convent.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dave_Paker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandfather has this weird habit of naming all the fish he catches.

Yesterday he scaled Mount Everest.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my Priest if there were any habits that he couldn't break.

He replied that he prays everyday religiously.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GummyMcFatstacks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Textbook addiction

is a really expensive habit to support

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/al666in
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Whenever my friend walks into a room, he has this weird habit of taking the batteries out of all the clocks.

He claims he can stop it at any time.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't convents have trouble retaining seamstresses?

Because that work is habit forming.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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I am a big fan of playing different songs together

You can say that I am medley in love with it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phoqkhan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A scientist sits down with some colleagues at the lab cafeteria:

"Oh hi Bill! We were just discussing the promiscuous mating habits of blood-sucking arachnids." Bill abruptly grabs his tray and stands up to leave.

"Sorry guys. I don't discuss poly ticks at work."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Make_it_perfect
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who had a dog named minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks?

Bad minton.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/milchhmann
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I have this bad habit

Of not finishing the

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sowyy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a bad habit of not finishing things
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PdawgUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a habit of excess masturbation but I'm glad I was able to beat it.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
nuns are literally creatures of habit
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Nuns are creatures of habit.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostwriter623
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Carrots have a hard time getting rid of bad habits.

It's a deeply rooted issue.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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