In fact, you could say that they are Canon Fodder.
Already Reddit
Me: Again?
Literally she can't even.
Took us a while to realize that he lost βitβ.
It's a year off 2020, r/dadjokes
Because it's a vlasic!
Whenever my dog barks, my dad will say something like, "how does sandpaper feel?"
Someone knocked the dial in the fridge and everything froze, dinner was ruined for the next couple of nights and a lot had to be thrown out, my dad pulled a lettuce out and handed me it, saying: "look at that, it's frozen"
to which my reply was "what do you expect, it's an iceberg"
Iβm not sure, but I think this belongs here:
I work night shift as a unit clerk at a hospital, and there is this one old security guard who goes on rounds to every unit. He always stops at my desk and cracks really cheesy, cringe-worthy jokes. He has this one awful (awesome?) knee-slapper that seems to be a permanent fixture in his "dad joke" repertoire. Heβs said it 3 or 4 times already since Iβve started working here in March, so I'm pretty sure this joke is constantly on standby for him.
This is the exact conversation every time:
Security dude: How are you doing this fine evening?
Me (purposefully setting myself up for it): Pretty good. How about you?
Security dude: Really? WELL, Iβve never been pretty or good, so I don't know what that's like! Hahahahahaha (continues to laugh like this is the funniest joke thatβs ever been told).
I never got a straight answer.
Repeat.
Ok. Pete & Repete were in a boat. Pete fell out & who was left?
Repeatβ¦.?
Ok. Pete & Repete were in a boat. Pete fell out & who was left?β¦
My grandpaβs favorite joke. (Peter 5)
Sounded like a broken record.
"The opposite of right!"
Heβs my cousin, twice [removed].
18 are too fowl to repeat but this one just quacks me up
I'll let you know
Groom: After me..
Priest, looking at bride: Is he serious?
Bride: No, his name is Mike.
Did I just rewrite history? Or did history repeat itself?
He used wrote learning.
Pete takes a few too many shots and gets sent home in a cab, Pete gets into a fight and taken to the drunk tank for the night.. who's left?
Repeat.
... Pete, Pete and repeat walk into a bar...
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
This bear's repeating.
He donβt come around here no more
The rabbit says: "I think i am a Type O."
It's the only way to parrot.
He says he finds it refreshing.
I told him he needs help, now he keeps hitting F1.
Itβs fully groan.
Because the chicken had the day off.
Neither my wife or I have any idea where she heard this. And she isnβt divulging her sources. Hilarious.
Edit: The first joke sheβs told in general. And happened to be a dad joke. :-)
I think I have a Cocaine addiction.
would that give you a colon oz copy?
He found his way to the men's department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man.
"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl. "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.
"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl. "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.
"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl. "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.
"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed. "No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.
"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience. "No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.
As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "Β‘Eso sΓ que es!"
"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.
6 couldn't believe it. 7 had finally gone off the deep end. 7 had long offended 6. A repeat 6 offender if you will. But this was unforgivable. 9 was his best friend. How could he do this to his best friend? How could it be that 7 ate 9?
6, filled with fury, called his friends 2 and 4. They would get even. 10 was the best friend of 7 you see. 2, 4 and 6 ate 10 to get even. They then began plotting further revenge, but 7 acted first. He gathered 1, 3 and 5 together to take down 6.
Realizing that the odds were against them, 2, 4 and 6 retreated. Their only option was to turn to 12 who had twice the resources 6 had. 7 couldn't follow.
12 quickly called 3 to find out what the root of 7's attack on 9. 3 wasn't sure. He had only supported 7 because of a long standing friendship. But 3 promised to get to the root cause.
Meanwhile, 7's scheming was not yet done. 12 was powerful, but there was one who could reverse his decision to harbor 6. If he could just convince 21, nicknamed blackjack, to reverse 12's decision, it would all be over.
Three times 7 went to 21's compound. On the third try he was able to get through. After explaining that 6 had masterminded the elimination of 10, a grand meeting of the numbers was called.
Both 6 and 7 argued over the whole thing. 13 had the unlucky task of adjudicating the meeting. Each time 13 made an argument, 6 and 7 would add to it by shouting over each other.
Finally, 21 had had enough. "7, why did you eat 9"
7 responded "I just wanted to get 3 square meals." 21 had 7 eliminated for initiating the battle and 6 jailed for masterminding 10's death. And the war was over.
It goes up to the librarian and says "bok." The shocked librarian looks at the chicken and says, "Excuse me, what?" and the chicken repeats, "bok."
The librarian thinks a moment before asking, "You want a book?" The chicken nods and says, "bok," so the librarian goes and gives the chicken a book, and it walks out.
A few minutes later the chicken struts back in and says "bok bok." The librarian, still shocked, asks if it wants two books, to which the chicken replies, "bok bok." So the librarian gets two more books and gives them to the chicken.
A few more minutes pass and the chicken walks back up to the front desk, saying "bok bok bok." The librarian nods and fetches three more books, but this time decides to follow the chicken outside.
Tailing the chicken, she watches as it walks out to the parking lot, where a frog is sitting by a pile of books. When the chicken lays the new delivery before it, the frog takes one look and says, "reddit, reddit!"
The Cyantific Method!
They repeatedly tapped their screens... Read more
He said, βAnyone who would sleep with you would sleep with almost anyone else.β
Repeat
I never got a straight answer.
I never got a straight answer.
