Repaired Puns

The technician told me it was expected. It was just the automatic faux-cuss

I don't know why because he told me earlier that he was a Freemason.

Apparently, reposting is good for karma

Haven’t heard anything since

Just goes to show that truth is solder than fiction.

His friend responds "If it's that patchy, why not get a new one?"

Sister: "Where will we get it (referring to the windshield) fixed"

Dad: "In the front of the car, ofcourse"

It's a very bad joke, but at least I now know my dad is 100% a father.

"They are going to go in through the belly button with a pool cue and try to hit the ball back into the pocket" - such a dad joke, but we both died laughing.

He specialized in in-tent sieve care.

Me: So Dad, looks like I need a new pair of shoes (as I showed him the worn out sole on my current boots)

Dad: I don't know of any shoe repair shops in the area.

Me: There's a cobbler just around the corner from my house, I went in to....

Dad: (before I could finish my sentence) Yea, but it's probably just apple.

Of course, I had to laugh, but then quickly continued the conversation the way I had intended...

but it was a repost.

... So I brought it into the mechanic, a man of few words.

"Insurance?" He asked.

"None" I replied.

"Get some," He said "Next time Beep repaired."

I told him:

Well, that's tubad now isn't it?

I haven't heard anything since.

I'm a spin doctor.

It’ll be called “Snitches Get Stitches”.

Marlon Bondo (hey, it’s as good as the Marlon Brawndo plant joke).

Once you start coming here, you won't be able to stop.

It’s between 8am and 1pm

Make it sew.

I had to deport it.

They're through the roof.

None, its on the house.

Two Bee Detour Mend

Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.

...or sew its seams.

Brrr, refrigerator/freezer repair specialist.

When the clockmaker arrives he pulls out his tool bag and spreads it out across a table. He shines a flash at the face of the clock and says “Ve have vays of making you tock”

You could almost say it turns them on

They’ll heel you, they’re good for the sole and can even dye for you.

...Beep Repaired.

So much memories.

I was shocked!

With a pumpkin patch!

courtesy of twitter:

https://twitter.com/BombChelleMama_/status/1446919683505065989

Thank you for my time

Apparently someone ‘stole’ my battery overnight; so she gave my phone back to me, free of charge.

He’s an engine-ear

It’s called Tailor Swift.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "The horn quit working on my car," the guy tells the bartender. "I was going to take it to the shop, but this boy scout down the road said he fixed cars as a hobby and offered to do it. Hey, here he is already." The boy scout walks into the bar and hands the car keys back to the guy. "Beep repaired," the boy scout says.

My daughter and I have been trading these. Here is our current list - would love to hear more!

1. I lost my job at the chess factory. I couldn’t work knights.
2. I lost my job at the bank. A lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
3. I lost my job at the keyboard factory. I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
4. I lost my job at the calendar factory. I took too many days off.
5. I lost my job as a maze designed. I got lost in my work.
6. I lost my job as an electrician. I was shocked!
7. I lost my job as a psychic. I didn’t see it coming!
8. I lost my job at the funeral home. Apparently, the options are “cremation” or “burial,” not “smoking” or “non-smoking.”
9. I lost my job as an astronomer. I thought my work was looking up!
10. I lost my job as a cyber criminal. I couldn’t hack it.
11. I lost my job as a human cannonball. I got fired!
12. I lost my job as a garbage collector. I had no training but I thought I would pick it up as I go.
13. I lost my job as a math teacher, same job I’ve had since 2000. That’s 46 years down the drain!
14. I lost my job in pool maintenance. It was too draining.
15. I lost my job as a fisherman. I didn’t make enough net income.
16. I lost my job as a baker. I really kneaded the dough!
17. I lost my job as a historian. There was no future in it.
18. I lost my job as a tour guide in Australia. I did not have the right koalafications.
19. I lost my job at the upholstery repair shop. I may never recover.
20. I lost my job as a massage therapist. I rubbed people the wrong way.
21. I lost my job as a seamstress. And I tried sew hard.
22. I lost my job as a musician. I just wasn’t noteworthy.
23. I lost my job at the unemployment office. And I still need to go back there tomorrow.
24. I lost my job feeding giraffes. I just wasn’t up to it.
25. I lost my job as a water slide attendant. My career is going down the tubes.
26. I lost my job at the paper shredding factory. It was a tearable job.
27. I lost my job as a drummer. I’m sure there will be repercussions.
28. I lost my job as a pole vaulter. I'll never get over it.
29. I lost my job as a pet groomer. I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.
30. I lost my job as a pastry tester. That job was a piece of cake.
31. I lost my job as a mirror inspector. I could see myself doing that for a long time.
32. I lost my job as a yoga instructor. I bent over backwards for them.
33. I lost my job at Dunkin. It’s ok, I was fed up wit

Things are looking up.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "My warning bell on my bicycle fell off, so I replaced it for now with a pea shooter I can use to warn people I am coming," he tells the bartender. "I call it my no bell pea surprise."

I haven’t heard anything since!

Haven't heard anything since

Haven't heard a thing since.

Haven’t heard anything since

I’ve heard nothing ever since.

I have heard nothing since.

I've heard nothing since.