Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.

Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ramzert
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering

Polygon but not forgotten.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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A guy's aunt's death rendered him unable to walk .you know why?

Because it hurt his ankle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/streetdog2003
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?

Sir Render

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shininglice
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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So I was driving when I see a woman run over a poor rabbit. I stopped immediately to render assistance.

I notice the woman is hysterical and the rabbit, well let's just say he's had better days.
I think to myself "Can I render first aid ? "
Then it hits me, I can fix this.
I go to the boot of my car and grab a can of spray. So I spray this onto the rabbit and sure as shit he jumps up and hops away.

As he is hopping away every ten steps he stops looks backs and waves at us !
He repeats this until he eventually was out of sight.

The women then asks me "what was that can of spray you used?"

I look and it is hair restorer with a permanent wave.

I wish to add no Rabbits were harmed in the telling of this story

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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Lesser known Knights of the Round Table

β€œI was the knight no one expected to see on the battlefield.” - Sir Prize

β€œI shall see you around.” - Sir Cumference

β€œWe shall fight on land or sea.” - Sir Fenturf

β€œI was the knight who was afraid to fight.” - Sir Render

β€œI was the unbelievable knight.” - Sir Real

β€œI was the knight that drank too much.” - Sir Rhosis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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Thought process for this one was particularly long winded
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jrum7000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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Deep in the villain’s super secret base

Deep in the villain’s super secret base, he noticed that his 10” concrete filled steel walls looked bare. He asked his minions why was there no large, artistic rendering of his terrifying logo hanging behind his desk.

His minions replied, β€œWe’ve tried everywhere, but we’ve been unable to find a sketchy artist.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tragicwaters
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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Have you heard the tale of the knight who lost every single jousting match?

His name was Sir Render.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the house of the idiot.

...

...

...

*knock* *knock*

Explanation

>!I don't think that needs explanation but r/puns has rules so:!<
>!You are an idiot for opening the door - because the chicken walked to the idiots house. It is in front of your door - you are the idiot.!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zam0o
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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Did you know there was a Knight who always refused to fight in battle?

His name was Sir Render.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokesig
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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We had an IDEA...

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.

Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.

The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.

That's the theory, at least.

Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.

Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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How many Pollygons would you need

to render a dead parrot?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZnojmoRaider
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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A video game company tried to figure out a new way to fix their graphics

But it was rendered useless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/torchskul
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2018
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Why did the 8-bit chicken cross the road?

To render the other side!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blinking_console
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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A rhinoceros wakes to find itself in a room with no doors or windows.

All four walls of the room are made of hollow cinder block, but three of the four walls are reinforced with rebar and cement filling rendering them unbreakable.

Utterly confused, the rhinoceros studies the room for a moment and then tries ramming into the first wall to get itself free, but is stunned to find that it won't budge because it is reinforced and completely solid.

The rhinoceros shakes it off and tries ramming the second wall to knock it down, but only managed to break off a few small crumbs because it, too, is reinforced.

In a total daze, the rhinoceros tries ramming the third wall, but then falls over unconscious from trying to ram yet another reinforced wall.

After a few minutes, the rhinoceros regains consciousness and slowly pulls to its feet. Both exhausted and completely unable to withstand ramming another reinforced wall, the poor rhinoceros sinks its head in failure and has all but given up hope.

...but then, with a sudden stroke of genius, the rhinoceros stands on it's hind legs, clears its throat, and asks you, the reader,

"Should I try breaking the fourth wall?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shigglesmcwhigley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2016
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My dad put Christmas lights on his double bass today...

The lights were weaving in and out between the strings, all over the fretboard, etc, rendering it temporarily unplayable. So I asked, "How are you going to play it now with the lights between the strings?" He replied with, "Carefully." Of course. "But the lights will stop the strings from being used properly!"

"Well, they'll just feel a little lighter then, won't they?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deathbat6120
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2017
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A friend reminded me today of a joke I made 17 years ago when we were programmers

Due to the millennium bug all 3d modelling software has been rendered useless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dogintheface
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2016
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I can't believe I fell for this one

My dad's joke this morning: A man asked a priest to exorcise the demons in him. So the priest came and did the exorcism. When it came time to pay the priest for services rendered, the man couldn't pay, so the priest had the man reposessed. groan

Edit: spelling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/starshyne83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2013
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So my dad just said this...

Dad: There's mail for you! Me: Render unto Caesar what belongs to Caesar. Dad: You mean Caesar the monkey from Planet of the Apes?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VandaL-van-Doge
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2014
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What do you call a knight that’s afraid to fight ?

SIR RENDER

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πŸ‘€︎ u/son-of-CRABS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight ?

Sir Render

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?

Sir Render.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordOfBeingCool
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?

Sir Render.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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Which knight never won a battle?

Sir Render

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πŸ‘€︎ u/merrahsleinad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2017
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