Doctor: "Relax David, It's just a small surgery. Don't panic!!"
Me: "But my name isn't David."
Doctor: "I know, I'm David."
What’s the most relaxed number?
When I go camping with my wife I want it to be relaxing...
but it always ends up two in tents
Working on a home construction project and felt like relaxing with drink. Of course it's unsafe to mix alcohol with power tools.
Which is why I mixed my drink with a spoon instead.
What does a python drink to relax?
My daughter was all worked up, and I told her to relax. She screamed "I can't!!!".
So I asked her if she could lax again.
There’s nothing better than relaxing to Beyonce.
When my daughter is nauseous, I sing to help relax her...
Apparently she's not a big fan of 'Let It Go'
Pretty stoked it's the weekend! Gonna relax and get drunk hans style...
Where do meteorologists relax ?
Where do meteorologists relax after work?
At the isobar!
Anyone I ever dated was impressed when I told them I liked to relax on my poop deck.
They were always disappointed when I showed them it was just a regular deck with dog poop on it.
What weapon is the most relaxed?
Just “chill axe”, my dude.
I found an old vinyl record of insect sounds.
I put it on, expecting relaxing ambient sounds like cicadas and such, but all I got was a droning buzz. That's when I realized that I was playing the bee side.
Had a really tough day today. I figured you would appreciate that my wife suggested I peruse r/dad jokes while she drew me a relaxing bath.
I asked her if it was going to be full color or just a sketch.
What are the most relaxing sounds to a pirate?
Why was the milk so relaxed?
It was chilling in the fridge.
Three fruits decided to have a dragrace match. The Lemon prepared by practcing driving skills, the orange by studying the appropriate tecniques, the grape by relaxing in the sun. Who won?
The grape. He was the only one who went raisin.
I've taken up a new hobby. Shooting arrows at paintings.
Who knew artery could be so relaxing.
When I'm really feeling stressed out, I massage auto parts to relax...
Sometimes, I just knead a brake.
YSK: Drinking tea while being too relaxed can kill you
What does an illustrator do when they want to feel relaxed and refreshed.
What do you call a cow that's comfortable to sit and relax on?
So I used to own a rabbit farm.
You know I would raise these super cute fluffy bunnies!
People would always ask me how it was: was it relaxing, fun, nice, a bore etc...?
I would always respond that it was honestly terrifying, like really scary.
People in bewilderment would always say: "what? scary? how can that be??"
I would respond: "well, it was hare raising"
This evening, everyone remember to relax and sit in front of the TV
Because you will see nothing if you sit behind it.
I hope to one day be rich enough to buy a ring-shaped island chain formed of coral, where I can retire to relax.
I’ll call it my No Worries Atoll.
My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day...
Not really relaxing as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out "60 Watts - Made in China".
I can’t relax when I have multiple options for where to sleep when I’m camping
When my wife went into labor, I was going to tell her dad jokes to try to relax her, but I was worried about the delivery.
I saw a lizard with angry red skin. It then turned orange! Then it turned yellow. Then green. Then blue. Then indigo, until it finally became a relaxing shade of violet.
Calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer chameleon.
Whenever my girlfriend wants to argue about something, she waits until I’m relaxing in my hammock.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
What do you call two relaxing vowels?
I told my wife: "I was thinking we should relax in the park with one of my friends."
She said, "Picnic."
"Jesus," I said, 'I always knew you fancied him."
I thought camping was supposed to be relaxing, but it was in tents.
What is the most relaxing weapon in a NINJA's arsenal?
Who is the coolest most relaxed member of the orchestra?
I was diagnosed with a condition where I can't stop making airport jokes.
The doctor said it was terminal
The other day at work somebody told me to relax...
I said, no. I always lax right the first time.
I'd make a camera joke
But it'll dissappear in a flash with all the other jokes here
Doctor: Relax, David. It’s just a small surgery, don’t panic.
Me: my name isn’t David.
Doctor: I know. I’m David.
My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day.
Not really relaxing as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out “60 Watts - Made in China”.
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