What did the body builder say when he realized that he was all out of protein shake mix?
I used to be the soccer team's striker until my coach realized I wasn't playing well. He said....
You should play defense, no offense.
4 men were sitting in a boat about to smoke a cigarette, when they realized they didn't have a cigarette lighter.
So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter.
While walking around the kitchen today, I realized that we sprung a leak.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
What industry is shadier than people realize?
Umbrella Manufacturing.
Courtesy of r/AskReddit
I suddenly realized I was going through the airport turnstile sideways, but it was too late...
When you realize, too late, that there is no more Toilet Paper
I realized today the life of a blood cell is truly futile..
After all, it lives its whole life in vein
Has anyone realize “The IRS”
Turned on the US News and didn't realize...
That there was a new Gerard Butler movie: "Capitol Hill has Fallen"
You do realize that it's biblically correct for a man to make the coffee. Haven't you ever read the book,
My friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn’t afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
First, I posted this on r/jokes but it didn't get much love. Then I realized I posted it on the wrong joke sub. Y'all love the punny jokes, so here you go:
Why are lamb chops a thing? Why do we have a food named after a baby animal?
Would you ever eat something called puppy steak? Or kitten burger? Or chick fillet?
oh wait.........
Credit goes to Matt from Studio C
I realized that the 8mm fastener is my favorite because it's my M8!
I just realized...
I haven’t changed my underwear this year.
I was really moved when I realized my mother let me win at cards.
It meant a great deal to me.
It kinda spoils the ending of Revenge of the Sith once you realize...
they're not called the Order of the Jelive
How does a non-binary Samurai kill people?
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...
I work with beet boxes and I wrap!
I just realized nothing starts with "n" and ends with "g"
When I was young, I was obsessed with the difference between a sine and a cosine.
Later, I realized it was just a phase.
I didn't realize my phone came with noface detection
I don't think the author even realized what they did! Context: the article is about killer whales attacking boats.
A man walks into his home to realize that all his lamps were stolen
I'm putting together a book of tried and true recipes, none of which will include thyme as an ingredient.
>!I've decided the title is going to be 'Thymeless Classics'!<.
After watching Hubie Halloween I realized that every Adam Sandler movie takes place in the same universe.
Unfortunately, it's the one we live in.
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.
Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...
A pirate walks into a bar and it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.
I was shopping at the grocery store like it was 1999. That’s when I realized the party was over...
Oops, they were out of thyme.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized...
Help me out: need some rockstar/music themed food puns for my 3 year old’s birthday party!
Having a small party for my guitar and music obsessed soon-to-be 3 year old. Wanted to put some signs next to the food to make it more on-theme. We’ll be serving:
Chicken nuggets
PB&Js (in the shape of guitars)
Veggie tray
Fruit tray
Water & juice
I’m struggling to think of stuff. So far I only have
Nirvana Nuggets (which I realize isn’t even a pun) and PB&J Richie Samboraches. Lame, I know 😂 Help me out if you can think of any more!
I just realized my kitchen countertop is made out of marble.
I have been taking it for granite all these years.
I didn't realize the reopening of the Lego store was going to be so popular...
People are lining up for blocks!
Ever since I started working from home, I've realized that one of my coworkers is a real bitch...
But that's okay, I love working with my dog.
Realized my boys will someday be dads after the cat tried to sneak outside tonight
Me, to my two boys: "Hazel tried to escape, but I captured her."
Boy 1: (pronunciation) "cap- CHURR!"
Boy 2: "Or... You CAT-tured her!"
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
When did Yoda realize that he would be little?
His first word was “iota”.
... and so it was spoken, from then onward, into existence.
If a father in Iraq gifts his daughter a new bag, what will she say?
My self-centered friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn't afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...
I work with beet boxes and I wrap!
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