What did the body builder say when he realized that he was all out of protein shake mix?
π︎ 67
π
︎ Mar 13 2021
While walking around the kitchen today, I realized that we sprung a leak.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 13 2021
4 men were sitting in a boat about to smoke a cigarette, when they realized they didn't have a cigarette lighter.
So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Sep 26 2020
What industry is shadier than people realize?
Umbrella Manufacturing.
Courtesy of r/AskReddit
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 13 2021
I finally realized why trees donβt have teeth.
Turns out, theyβre all bark and no bite.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Sep 27 2020
I suddenly realized I was going through the airport turnstile sideways, but it was too late...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
*Whose/You're
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
Tiring realization
π︎ 188
π
︎ Dec 13 2020
From my 4 year old: Dad, i just realized why these things are called nappies...
...because its like napkin for your pee, so its called na-pee!
(proud dad moment)
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
When you realize, too late, that there is no more Toilet Paper
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 14 2021
I realized today the life of a blood cell is truly futile..
After all, it lives its whole life in vein
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 09 2021
Has anyone realize βThe IRSβ
π︎ 599
π
︎ Oct 08 2020
Turned on the US News and didn't realize...
That there was a new Gerard Butler movie: "Capitol Hill has Fallen"
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
You do realize that it's biblically correct for a man to make the coffee. Haven't you ever read the book,
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
My friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldnβt afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
First, I posted this on r/jokes but it didn't get much love. Then I realized I posted it on the wrong joke sub. Y'all love the punny jokes, so here you go:
Why are lamb chops a thing? Why do we have a food named after a baby animal?
Would you ever eat something called puppy steak? Or kitten burger? Or chick fillet?
oh wait.........
Credit goes to Matt from Studio C
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
I realized that the 8mm fastener is my favorite because it's my M8!
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 04 2020
I just realized...
I havenβt changed my underwear this year.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
I was really moved when I realized my mother let me win at cards.
It meant a great deal to me.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
It kinda spoils the ending of Revenge of the Sith once you realize...
they're not called the Order of the Jelive
π︎ 22
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...
I work with beet boxes and I wrap!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 13 2020
I just realized nothing starts with "n" and ends with "g"
π︎ 358
π
︎ Jun 23 2020
I didn't realize my phone came with noface detection
π︎ 34
π
︎ Aug 19 2020
I don't think the author even realized what they did! Context: the article is about killer whales attacking boats.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
I'm putting together a book of tried and true recipes, none of which will include thyme as an ingredient.
>!I've decided the title is going to be 'Thymeless Classics'!<.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 22 2021
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that Iβm an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.
Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...
π︎ 40
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
A man walks into his home to realize that all his lamps were stolen
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Feb 23 2020
After watching Hubie Halloween I realized that every Adam Sandler movie takes place in the same universe.
Unfortunately, it's the one we live in.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 17 2020
I was shopping at the grocery store like it was 1999. Thatβs when I realized the party was over...
Oops, they were out of thyme.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 15 2020
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized...
π︎ 14
π
︎ Oct 02 2020
A pirate walks into a bar and it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Dec 09 2019
I just realized my kitchen countertop is made out of marble.
I have been taking it for granite all these years.
π︎ 287
π
︎ Jun 20 2020
I didn't realize the reopening of the Lego store was going to be so popular...
People are lining up for blocks!
π︎ 325
π
︎ Jun 19 2020
Ever since I started working from home, I've realized that one of my coworkers is a real bitch...
But that's okay, I love working with my dog.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 12 2021
Realized my boys will someday be dads after the cat tried to sneak outside tonight
Me, to my two boys: "Hazel tried to escape, but I rescued her!...Or....should I say captured her?"
Boy 1: (pronunciation) "cap- CHURR!"
Boy 2: "Or... You CAT-tured her!"
Boy 1: "No, you CAT cat-ture Hazel!"
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 31 2020
What movie is the quintessential dad joke movie?
I realize this isn't a joke, but it seems the best place to ask it. Hopefully the mods will let it ride. What movie is the quintessential dad joke movie?
My vote is "Top Secret!" with Val Kilmer in the mid 80s.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 10 2021
When did Yoda realize that he would be little?
His first word was βiotaβ.
... and so it was spoken, from then onward, into existence.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 17 2020
I just realized they can't ever make a movie about a male scandanavian Transformer who works as a stand-up comedian.
They'd be guilty of vehicle Lars mans laughter.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
If a father in Iraq gifts his daughter a new bag, what will she say?
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Sep 23 2020
Realizing you have to poop
Body: I have to poop
Brain: youβre so full of shit
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 24 2020
When i heared that they removed Trump from the white house after realizing he probably wasn't the right man for the job..
..all i could do was shake my head and mumble... "Unpresidented"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 24 2020
My self-centered friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn't afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...
I work with beet boxes and I wrap!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 13 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
