Unless you Count Dracula.
......... The Times are really Rough!!!
Now that I look back, there were a lot of red flags
He was breaking out.
The Pirate replies aaarrr it's driving me nuts
They really split over it. It was a really slippery ordeal and peeled them apart.
She's thinking: I want another boy...
And I'm thinking: Boy, you want another...
I'm going vegan today.
We named him Carson.
Because their raisin bread.
Nothing actually starts with an N and ends with a G.
I was speechless.
We’re so ‘NSYC.
A ball is just a roll model.
Then I realised. Where the f*** is my roof?
That's when I realised he was the favourite twin.
Boy, was my face red!
I guess one was a free-bee
Oh darn it! I lost my train of thought.
But then it dawned on me.
Military barbers shave their privates
dressed as a goat
Then realised I was in the menswear section.
If you've seen this pun before i didn't copy it, it is Just an easy pun to think of.
[Removed]
Then I realised it was my cake day and it wasn’t kneaded
One called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area:
Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."
A large mysterious cod appeared and said. "Your wish is granted" Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn..
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam to Kristian's home. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted. "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."
Kristian replied. "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner." Justin cried back. "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed....... I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian!!.. 🤪🤣
11.45 : arrived at crime scene
11.45 : Examined body. Signs of struggle
11.45 : Found murder weapon in drain
11.45 : Realised watch was broken
.
.
.
.
.
My son: but this is not a dad joke.
Me : what is a day joke then?
My son : when the joke becomes a(p)parent.
I realised when I got home I picked 7up.
A private tutor
It was a fig meant for my imagination.
It was a blessing in disguise.
I've made an ass of myself
Then it hit me.
the Uber driver that dropped me off got a fine for littering
I guess I forgot what it’s all about
...it’s because they’re going to die.
Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.
Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.
Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.
The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.
Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.
Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.
One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.
Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.
“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.
The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.
“Yes of course” replied Trevor
... keep reading on reddit ➡She kept telling me that I need vipers.
I was stumped.
Mother:I am well aware, son
He was breaking out.
