Cost price Puns

Nothing; it’s on the house.

Inflation

She was eating watermelon, and she wanted to know how much it cost. (She's obsessed with prices lately.) I asked her how much she thought it cost, and she said, "I don't know, a melon dollars?"

so when you pay, you usually get a nickel back.

I have been holding onto this one for quite some time and got to use it today, while on vacation. When selecting eggs, which were about $9.80, I said "Wow, would you say these are...EGGspensive?"

She responded with a big eye roll. I was super happy.

Years ago when my mum was at a hotel with my dad she forgot her swimsuit so she bought one at the hotel shop. She got it put on the bill rather than pay for it there and never checked the price as she assumed it would just be a normal, cheap costume. Turned out it was an Armani one and cost hundreds so my dad 'gave' it to her for the next few Christmases, and when I reminded him of this years later: 'remember that Armani swimsuit?' he replied 'yes, it did cost a lot of Armani' ('our money').....

Her: Wow, look at this coin purse. It cost twelve dollars.

Me: Why is it that expensive? It looks like it's worth less than half that.

Her: Well, you know...it is the Vera Bradley brand, and name-brand things always cost more.

Me: Well it seems like that is vera bradley priced.

I^felt^so^proud

Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend were in college. Now, Christina likes men with lots of testosterone, and her boyfriend was no exception, but the downside was, he was already losing his hair. "I would do something about it," he'd say, "but I don't know how much it would cost." One weekend they went to a student fair, and one of the campus groups was holding a couples' spelling contest. They were offering all kinds of gag items as prizes; condoms, jock straps, training bras, that sort of thing. The top prize for the winning guy was a hairpiece, valued at $100. So Christina helpfully suggested to her boyfriend, "If you won a bee with me, baby, there's a priced toupée!"

My dad and I were at a local delicatessen recently and I was lamenting the increase of prices for the meats since the last time we were there. He told me in order to lower costs, maybe they should outsource who they buy their meats from...

Dad: "The meat would come from Coldcutta, India".

Me: groan

I was at the local Renaissance Faire with some friends today and we went to see the blacksmith. They had some cool mugs and shot glasses without price tags, so my friend asked how much everything was.

Blacksmith: These mugs cost this much [yada yada yada] and these shot glasses are $18.

Me: Shouldn't they be $21?

The blacksmith groaned. I made a blacksmith groan.

We are going around getting price quotes from venues for the wedding. At this one our host was typing out our quote and was having a rough time.

Lady: Alright, we will add in the shipping cost and, ahg, I can't spell today.

Me: T-O-D-A-Y

Groaning all around, I think I'll be ready for when we have kids.

Family and I were having a conversation at dinner last night. My sister was educating us about violin equipment prices and such.

Grandpa: Wait, so you're telling me violin bows can cost up to $15,000?

Sister: Yeah, they're really expensive!

Dad: Well I guess if you didn't have one, the music would sound like bowcrap.

Context:

• I currently live and study in the Philippines

• One Philippine Peso (₱) is approximately 1/40 a dollar. Go check the conversion ratio if you doubt.

• A single stick of this choco wafer stick right here (called Stick-O) usually costs at about ₱1

• I study in a college where student organizations are prevalent and their means of collecting funds is by Fund Raising Activity, i.e., selling consumables to students (usually food at exorbitant retail prices)

Every single time when I see an organization member doing his/her FRA selling Stick-O's, I ask...

Me: How much is that?

FRA: Three for five.

Me: ₱3 for 5 pieces?

They chuckle in shame. They then correct me:

FRA: No, 3 pieces for ₱5 pesos

So we were at Home Depot waiting for someone to come cut some wood, when my brother points at the price for the plastic trim behind me.

Brother: It costs 914 dollars?!

Me: No.

Brother: They should really make that clear then.

Me: But then you couldn't see it.

We're sitting at the dinner table and my mom is talking about getting a reduced price on my tuition. Mom: So I talked to the admissions office today to see about getting My Name a reduced cost. Dad: Uh oh! What did you admit too??

Dad and I both laughed but mom just kinda sat there.