Read Menu Puns

I said, "I don't think it's that kind of book."

A panda walks into a bar one day. He casually walks to the bar and sits on a bar stool.

The bartender thinks this is a bit odd, a panda walking into a bar isn’t something that normally happens to him.

He approaches the panda regardless and asks, “What can I get you?”

The panda grabs a menu off the bar, opens it and points to a cheeseburger.

The bartender is very impressed by this and so he decides to go ahead and make the cheeseburger for the panda.

The panda gets his cheeseburger, devours it, savoring every last bit. He then wipes its mouth with a napkin, impressing the bartender even more.

But then suddenly the panda pulls out a gun and shoots everyone in the bar, except for the bartender.

The bartender stands there in total shock, soaked in blood, and can only ask the panda, “Why?”

The panda pulls a dictionary from his fur coat and turns to the bartender. He flips the book to the P section, places it on the bar, and points to his picture. Then he turns and walks out the door without looking back.

The bartender leans down and reads the entry next to Panda. It says…

“Panda: A wild animal that eats, shoots and leaves.”

Dad: Chuckling as he reads the menu

Me: What's so funny?

Dad: What do you call a cow masturbating in a field?

Me: blank stare

Dad: Beef stroganoff

Colleague reading menu: "What's a caper?"
Me: "It's halfway between a shenanigan and a scheme."

Every time my dad goes to Wendy's he looks at the menu as if he is confused and asks "do you read the chicken their rights before you grill them?"

Every time.

Sitting in the Chinese Restaurant, my dad is reading the broken English menu and says:

Dad: Does this dish come out with Beethoven playing?

Me: What? Why?

Dad: Well it's under 'classical dishes'.