My boyfriend's razor sharp wit

So after half an hour of trying to shave with an old razor, I walk out of the bathroom and say to my boyfriend "Honey, remind me to get a new razor, this one's blunt." and he replies "Well, I don't think one that beats around the bush would be much use either."

Groans ensued.

👍︎ 58
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📅︎ Aug 03 2014
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Cat-tastrophe

While petting my cat, she placed her paw over my arm, threatening to unsheathe the razor-sharp claws into my forearm. I turn to my dad. "Dad, she's holding me hostage with her paw." "Looks like she has paw-wer over you." Groans insue. Cat leaves.

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👤︎ u/Bioman2222
📅︎ Jan 10 2015
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Late night dad joke

My girlfriend had her wisdom teeth removed yesterday, and last night she accidentally woke me up as she was reaching to take another Vicodin, since the pain in her jaw had woken her up. We were both in a daze, still half asleep.

  • Me: What time is it...?
  • Her: Ummmm... 2:30 [AM].
  • Me: Oh... ... I guess that makes sense...
  • Her: ...What...?
  • Me: It's two thirty... tooth... hurty...
  • Her: ...go to sleep.

I was impressed my wits were still razor sharp in the wee hours of the morning!

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👤︎ u/jambrand
📅︎ Mar 22 2014
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