My dad: See you in a year.
Ps. It happens every damn time
"That shit is getting old," I told him.
PS: Do I get any extra credit if this is a real story?
I hate mullets and I told her if she did I was gonna grow a rat-tail as payback
She said, “You can’t!”
“I will!”
“But that’s rat-tail-iation!”
PS: this actually happened and I’m in love with her
Dear son,
Merry Christmas!
PS: do your homework.
PPS: do your chores.
PPPS: go outside and play and stop playing video games
PPPPS: you're a fatboy, fattie. You eat too much crap food.
PPPPPS: we're shipping you off to military school next year!
Because it will always have a point
PS, this was inspired from a comment I saw on an instagram post, and also I apologize if this joke has already been posted as I did not take the time to check if it has been.
Titanic
Ps: This one is from my daughter who loves Attack On Titans... don't know where she gets it from... 🙂
“You will have your cake and eat it too.”
PS: this is the best gift I can get today.
A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Bartender: "Sorry we done serve food here."
Mushroom: "Come on, I'm a fungi..."
PS. I know a similar joke was recently posted, but I've always loved this two parter version.
It's not Manchester City or Liverpool. . . . . . . . . . Ans: Woman breasts are Divided
PS. Thought of it as a kid. Very high probability that other people have also thought of this. Cracked this in front of a friend who asked me to post here.
... I'll raise you
PS: Happy Mother's Day.... Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad!
Me: {takes pills}
Also me: I don’t feel any better.
Wife: {rolls her eyes}
PS: this happened at dinner tonight
It's Christmas, Eve!
Ps Merry Christmas, happy holidays etc etc to all my fellow dads and dad joke lovers 👍
Because it got mugged
^PS ^sorry ^if ^this ^has ^been ^used ^before
Macrohard Onfire.
Ps: not my original joke, shared from a WhatsApp group.
A tan hut!!
Ps, my buddy who is a marine hates me for this joke
A Chevy MaliBOO!
PS. My 8 year old son came up with this one.
I don't have 20/20 vision
PS: Expect a lot of these sort of jokes today.
I told her to teak it easy
PS: first post here, don't hate but propagate
hope u enjoy
ps i know i am missing a coma.
i can not change the title.
A Harmacist (harm assist)
PS:- Sorry I am not high today.
There's Norway I'd go Oslo that.
Ps: Sorry, I was a Lillehammer'd when I thought of this.
PS I love you
Holy Frijoles!
(PS this is original as far as I can tell, so proud yuk yuk)
As we were planning the post-funeral reception, my little bro asked “is there a sad food?”
I said, “Breakfast..... because you eat it in the mourning”
Ps my wife is pregnant with my first child!
This just happened 2 minutes ago.
I’m visiting my brother today , dec 29. His wife asked for some shopping cash and I heard him say:
“Don’t spend it all at once, this money needs to last us till next year”
Ps. He’s been a father for 5 years now
I told her that sounded imPRESSive.
She didn't think it was funny.
She still isn’t talking to me
PS. This is a cross post from r/ShittyLifeProTips
Johns Hopkins
PS:I came up with this myself but its probably shit anyway lol
Just dad joked my gf hard.
Gf: Do you have five cents?
Aspiring dad: No. I'm Nickle-less.
PS: My name is Nicholas
The poor girl lost her lungs and eyes in the subsequent sigh and eye roll.
So I am building a stone retaining wall at my house after work yesterday. Been at it for about an hour and a half before my fiance gets home from her job. She stops on the porch, looks at me, and just says, 'You Rockstar!' I couldn't help but smile. PS, I then had to tell her about this subreddit...
Anything You want
Ps- I asked my wife what I should write in your card. She replied "anything you want"
I work at a shipping company. We'll call it YouPS. Anyway, my coworker, Jose, sees a barbell and asks me, "Why do people order weights in the mail?" I said back to him "I don't know, Jose. I guess they figured they could weight for it."
He just stared with anger as I laughed too hard to myself.
I am in a book club and this month's book is "The Bonobo and the Atheist" by Frans de Waal.
A guy asked:
"What's the name of the Bonobo's book?"
"The bonobo didn't write anything, it's de Waal's book"
Ps: perhaps this joke only works in spanish
But every time he is eating something bad for him he says.
"It's not bad, it's delicious"
Every time
PS his favorite snack is mayonnaise in a tortilla..
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
PS; I have a great relationship with my in-laws.
> Here is the list of who buys for whom in the gift exchange. > > The rules are: Spend $50, no gift cards. (If you think $50 is too much then make it two $25 gifts.) > > PS: If you want to spend more on me I would understand.
