Eating a free hot dog.
Friend: How does it taste?
Me: Quite good, frankly.
Friend: Do you practice puns?
And that's the proudest I've ever felt.
What kind of self-defense does a Jewish Trump supporter practice?
My wife has been telling me to put a stop to my animal impressions for a while now. Today, she furiously told to me stop a flamingo impression I had been practicing for a while now.
I realized that was it, and I had to put my foot down.
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?
because It didn't habenero . .
They say practice healthy eating…
Where can you practice multiplication tables on New Year's Eve?
My daughter was practicing her flute today, she said at bar 45 she needs to add in a breath mark.
I teared up, after all these years she still doesn't know my name is David.
Unlike Judaism, a ceremonial ritual for slaughtered food is not practiced in Christianity.
That's separation of church and steak.
They just found a planet practically identical to earth, but it has two suns.
TIL that Jackie Onassis Kennedy has a famous sister. She is practically a household name.
May Onassis, she married into the Helmanns family.
Did you hear about the queue for practical jokes?
It was a great punch-line.
I started practicing complementary medicine.
I told my bowmen that I would pay anytime they need to get some practice in at the course.
They’re free range archers now.
A man walks into the doctor's office
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's.. erm .. well ... I have five penises." replies the man.
"Ah ok. How do your trousers fit?" asks the doc.
"Like a glove."
What do you call a killing before yoga practice?
Dad to his son; “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?”
Son; “Go on, then.”
Dad growls; “NOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”
Son; “That’s Superman.”
Dad; “Thanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”
A samurai decided to become a shepherd.
He is now practicing the art of Bu-sheep-do.
Making pennies is very practical...
What do you call a polar bear living in Florida?
A solar bear
Bonus: what do you call a bear that practices dentistry?
A molar bear
My son had a rough time at little league practice - after striking out three times, he lost interest and wouldn’t stop smelling the dandelions in the outfield, getting one stuck in his nose.
Why did Ghandi hate flatbread?
Because he practiced naan-violence.
I’m not good with conversations, so I practice talking to large rocks.
It helps me speak boulder.
My army instructor told me he didn’t see me at camouflage practice today.
“Thank you, sir!” I replied.
I was pondering some of the practical arts that are dying out like silversmithing and coppersmithing.
One of the most tragic is the art of hand making exit signs which is really on the way out.
I'm not a dad yet, but I'm practicing for when I am (should be in about 20 years)
Me: "I've been getting better at biking with no hands"
Mum: "That's a handy skill"
Me: "Actually it's a no handy skill"
My boss wants me to sign up for a 401K...
I’m not sure how he expects anyone to run that far!!!
Everyone keeps telling me to practice social distancing,
but when am I supposed to stop practicing and actually do it?
I had a minor accident at the practice
Accidentally played a major
I like people in theory...
....but, not in practice .
This is (practically) the corniest gift imaginable. At the bottom of the soon to be gift wrapped box of corniness was a pair of Korn tickets for my lady...who enjoys my corny puns.
My son thought males and females were practically the same...
I told him there was a vas deferens.
I may not be a dad for a while, but I’m getting some good practice in.
What do you call it when a bowler knocks down all the pins in a practice frame?
I keep forgetting the guitar tabs to that one Sublime song...
I guess you could say I dont practice Santeria.
What do you call sick highschoolers who practice social distancing?
I was having trouble playing a song on guitar and my teacher said "practice to a tick"
It didn't work at all and now I have Lyme disease
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery
Because it didn't habanero
Why couldn't the Green Pepper practice Archery?
because it didn't habanero
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?
. . . because it didn't habanero!
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