Pitying Puns

.....the mammothematician.

Because he Missed-A-T.

In reality, it just sounds paw-thetic.

since he’s both Green Lantern and Deadpool

I pity the fool who missed their tea!!!

I mean, they're excellent sources of protein, fiber, and good cholesterol.

(I was talking about the fruit)

It’s probably best that you didn’t, it’s pretty pitiful

I could have made a Commander Shepard deck.

He offered me coffee.

You just don't get surprised, you also get bamboozled

Because nobody puts baby in a coroner.

I told her "sorry you're feeling down".

She said I'm stupid.

In other words, I won.

A law suit

I said, “Hey, you missed a T.”

Sure, I know they’re disgusting little bugs. But I started taking pity on the little guys after they only came in second in this poll of people’s favorite animals.

The winner, of course, was the goldfish.

GTF bot.

Gapps.

The woman tries to pity the judge: -Judge, I carried this child 9 months in my belly, it is the flesh of my flesh and it comes directly to me! The judge is moved and says: -Right mam, but now, lets listen to your husband's arguments. The man prefers to use his pragmatic side, and says: -Judge, when I put my coin in the vending machine,Is the can mine or is it to the machine?

A pity potty

Poplar

I mist

So my dad loves to tell jokes, not one has ever been funny. So one day my GF was over and he decided to share a joke with her. He does. I look at him and I'm like "cmon Dad, that's horrible! U can do better" and laughed kinda like I was pitying him. He goes u think ur so cool huh?" He then got up grabbed me and locked me between his legs. So u all can understand, I'm 16 5"8 and thin. So not many people can't beat me. My dad is 6"3 and jacked. He looks likes mark wahlberg, from pain and gain, and that's not an overstatement. He then goes "what should we do now? How about an old fashioned wedgie!" He grabbed my underwear and pulled as hard as he could. "Why do u want to date a nerd that where's briefs? Haha" he's going. She starts laughing a little. He then goes "let's give u (GF) a better view" he then turns me around and lifts me up with a wedgie, "look at this dork dangle by his undies! Take a picture!" She did then pulled hard again and my underwear tore. He looked at me and went "maybe u shouldn't act like ur top dog kid, it'll get ur undies ripped right off." And she shared the pic around school, and know people come up to me saying "dude ur dad Is like a jock who gives u wedgies!" And makes fun of me for it. A couple of the seniors football player pinned me down and wedgied me so bad in the halls my underwear ripped off. And everyone was laughing. At least it happened at the end of the year so I only had 2 week of teasing. People have forgotten about. IT WAS horrible. And humiliating. So now I laugh at his jokes no matter how cringey they are, cause I fear his wedgies. Because their not regular. There delivered by a man who's biceps are bigger than my head. It's very painful. SO THE LESSON IS TO ALWAYS LAUGH AT DAD JOKES, escpeically if he can dangle u by ur undies!

A woman walks into a bar and takes a seat. The bartender asks what she wants to drink and her name, "Falacy" she responds despondently.

"What's got you down, Falacy?" he asks.

"I had a terrible day, my dog threw up all over my shoes this morning, got fired from my job and my car broke down on the way home. To make matters worse as I trudged over to this bar it started pouring it down with rain."

The bartender looks her up and down pitifully.

"That's pathetic, Falacy"

He feels pity at the sight and asks "What's wrong, love?" She turns to him and says "I can't stand showering without my legs"

Predictable, disappointing and people only laugh out of pity.

Three bags fool!

Doesn't work if you're British because they pronounce it "goff" not "go" but I'll stop being a buzzkill. We need your best artist puns now!

I pity the 福

I was given some paperwork to sign today. When I handed it back to my boss, she asked, "Can you date them?"

"That's a little forward. We just met, and they didn't really make a great first impression."

Pity laughter followed.

I pity the pho.

... we know this because Mr T pities the fuel

So, naturally, my only response has been to adopt a pitiful look and steeple my hands above my head until she rolls her eyes and walks off!

He woke up.......

When People Tell Me That Joke, I Never Know What To Say. I'm Absolutely Tongue Tied. Which Is A Pity, Since It Takes Two To Tangle.

I now have so much respect for all the jokes in here,

So i just became a dad on Friday to a beautiful baby girl and my story goes like this.

Today a Midwife came into the room where my wife and I were and started with a speech " Hi my name is !editingoutinfo! I was wondering if i can take a blood sample from the baby, It's voluntary, it's for statistics and it gets sent out to a lab and they test for all rare conditions, they are going to test her genes and..."

At which point i stopped her and said "we haven't got any jeans for her, everyone has been buying her pink dresses"

she gave me a pity laugh and said "ohh the dad jokes are starting already"

What is happening to me?

... But he goes by Gene. Whenever one of my friends would greet him "Hi, Gene!" He would say "Don't get personal with me."