...and ends up on the Island of Trid. The people there are starving and explain to the pastor that it’s because whenever they try to harvest the fruit at the top of the mountain, the nasty giant comes out of his cave and boots them all back down the hill. This infuriates the pastor who then declares that tomorrow he will join them on their next attempt. The next day they all march up the mountain together, and sure enough, out comes the giant who proceeds to kick all of the locals back down the hill leaving only the new guy to gather fruit at his leisure. Finally, he stops and asks the giant, “Well, aren’t you going to knock me off the mountain?”. Shaking his head, the giant says, “Silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids”.
He's just bought himself a Holy Davidson.
I couldn't reach the food, so I said, "Excuse me Pastor, can you pass the pasta past the Pastor?"
(This actually happened, but it was kind of a letdown - they both just looked at me blankly, then resumed eating.)
I love my Christian Heavy Metal.
For I have synonymed.
He becomes a high priest
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism...
It's a not-for-prophet organization.
So he could spread the word
He didn’t want to marry Kate and Ashley.
The al pastor says, "I think might be a..." The bartender cuts him off, "Hey, no outside food allowed."
He said not to take the lords name in grain.
A romaine Catholic priest.
Christian Bale
How do we get them to byte, and chip in a few more CPUs on Sunday?
but they refrained from that.
She talks about him religiously.
I guess you could say he was a prime minister.
"Piece" be with you!
"It's raining hen, hallelujah!"
...a documentary on the lives of Lazarus and Jesus
To scare the hell out of them.
A man sees a priest buying hard liquor on a Sunday at a shop down the street from the church the priest is the pastor of. Surprised, the man, who went to that church, asked why he was buying a 5th of Jagermeister.
The priest said, "it's an old catholic secret that Jagermeister helps ease constipation, which one of the nuns has.
So the guy shrugs and leaves, only to see the priest later that day, not halfway back to the church, drunk as a skunk in the gutter, tipping the brown paper bag with Jagermeister in it all the way back as he drinks it.
He pulls up in his car and asks, "I thought you said it was for a nun's constipation!?"
The priest grunted, "It is! She's going to shit herself when she sees me like this!"
I'm posting this, my grandfather's joke, in honor of him passing a few months ago.
My best friend's dad is my Pastor, I was talking to my Pastor (whose name is Malcam) about being George Washington in class today, he replied with
"I was named after George Washington!"
"How?"
"He was named in the 1700's, I was named in the 1900's."
My pastor was talking about the influences of mothers in our lives... He proceeded to talk about how his daughter danced and had pleased Herod, and he offered her anything she wanted, up to half the kingdom. The dancer consulted her mother, who said she should request John the Baptist's head.
This, he informed us, is how to get a head in life.
Dad tears were present.
"You know why bees buzz, don't you?
"No. Why, Papa?"
"Well, you'd buzz too if somebody stole your honey and nectar!"
He's 80.
and do you know who the first person mentioned in the bible to not have a father or mother was? it was joshua, because he was the son of nun.
He said he got to speak at a large church in NYC. I said wow, that's great what did you say? He said "excuse me, where is the restroom?"
sitting quietly during sermon Pastor: Anybody know who the only person in the bible without parents is? not one raised hand Pastor: Joeseph, son of nun. a room full of groans
Facebook post:
We've only been dating a little less than 6 months, in high school, and she's already serving me dinner for the 4th time.
His comment (Father of 4 kids):
I've heard of second breakfast, but fourth dinner? Aren't you full yet?
We were visiting another church's service, and helped pick up folding chairs afterward. Darrel (my grandfather-in-law) took a while to emerge from the storage closet where all the chairs were going, and when he finally came out, my pastor asked sarcastically, "Are you done?!"
His response: "No! I'm Darrel!"
