https://preview.redd.it/2064s3fpggx51.png?width=750&format=png&auto=webp&s=eb5e2075e112029edf1e41435a6fda0631f30c81
A facepalm.
Is it a date?
Now whenever someone tries to shake his hand he says "Don't you dare touch my thermos tat!"
Two windmills near Palm Springs were chatting and the one turns to the other and asks:
“What music do you like?”
The other windmill thinks for a while and responds:
“I’m a metal fan”
Because they have lots of fronds.
I have way too much thyme on my hands.
Cause that's when the steaks are highest.
Edit: Well this is rare, I wasn't sure how well done this joke was. Thanks for the face palm.
I want a punny name for it that makes people cringe. As of right now it’s Arnold Palmer... please give me more suggestions 😂
In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy.. He presented with vomit on his sweater already.. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti
A Conversation I had with my Daughter when I dropped her off at school
Me: Hey so you know how your cats are always running around all over the place right?
Daughter: Yeah why?
Me: So When they stop moving are they on Paws?
Daughter: Face Palms and says "OKAY DAD BYEEE!!!"
Me: YESSSS! Fist Pump!
Mrs. Carrot takes him to the ER and after a day of surgery, the doctor steps out and says, "Mrs. Carrot, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is, we saved your husband. The bad news is, he's going to be a vegetable the rest of his life."
One is quite heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
A palm tree
Now I have something to give me a hand around the house.
Because he kneaded a poop!
HOLD ONTO YOUR NUTS THIS IS NO ORDINARY BLOW JOB.
Looks like I got a little time on my hands
He held the note up to the light and frowned. "This is fake," he said.
I said, "Now you know what it feels like."
It’s called neigh-palm
I was on the couch, visiting with family. My niece is about 2 or 3. She grabs my hand and says "Ewwwwwwwwwww"
Confused, I responded "Eww?"
And as if on cue, she looks down and spits directly into my palm, with a small piece of food for good measure.
Ah...."Eww."
Her dad sitting next to me on the ps4 looks over and asked what happened. I explained what happened and we both laughed. I'm not even mad, I'm impressed. It wouldn't surprise me if she becomes a stand up comic one day, or at least the class clown.
The second sign of madness is looking for them.
The only think I miss about my (otherwise awful) father is his sense of humor. Thank you from the bottom of my heart (and the top of my face palms) for every groaner, pun, and repeat.
Love,
All us fatherless (for whatever reason) redditors
"You take bouncy castles far too seriously," my son replied.
It has no fronds.
Because everyone was root-ing for him.
I told her she didn't have to open that can of worms, and we wouldn't be trying to de-bait now.
I walked away laughing, and daughter face palming.
Now every other type of coffee is un-civet-lysed
Insurance frond
I need a good Palm Sunday Pun, any punners want to take the bait?
Looks like I have some time on my hands
