wondering whether to start a Victor Meldrew appreciation society. What are your thoughts? Options are :
I can't believe I got fired from the clock factory.
I put in so many extra hours!
My wife left me because I am addicted to options trading.
She left me but I still have other options
Airlines are stepping up their pun game for food options.
Why did someone upgrade from LGBTQ to LGBTQ+?
So they could use pro-nouns rather than standard-nouns.
Not a pun, but in cheese puns, do you find people use "cheddar" to replace "better", when clearly "feta" is the better (feta) option?
What do you call a Star Wars character who has options?
I'll never switch to an apple pc
I'm afraid of losing ctrl.
I asked the waiter what options they have for salads
He said he would be back to lettuce know
Is your phone frozen?
Have you tried warming it up in the microwave?
When it comes to chores, I give my kids two options.
Laugh at my jokes. Or do all your chores... The house is always tidy.
What are your options if you play chicken with a pickup truck?
A coworker had an accident at work
A ten foot exhaust pipe fell and cut his head open, requiring 10 stitches. I saw him in HR after he got patched up.
Me: "Hey buddy, you ok? You look exhausted."
Him: "Nah, I'm not tired at all, ready to go back to work."
The joke went right over his head.
Twas the second thing to do so that day.
At breakfast, my dad put a pineapple and a banana on the table and said, 'You have two options of fruits today -
I was on a flight the other day when the air hostess came up to me and asked, “Excuse me sir, would you like to have dinner?” I answered, “Sure! What are the options?” She smiled and responded...
I've just opened an underwear wholesale business
Let's see how it pants out
so a dyslexic walks into a bra
What do you call a cat that is thrown out of a moving car window?!
On a recent trip to Spain I got charged with trespassing. What are my legal options?
I want to fight the accusation since I don't consider it justified. Yes, I have been in a place where I shouldn't have been, but since I'm a first time offender I feel like I should only be charged with unopassing.
You couldn't make Blazing Saddles in today's Hollywood.
If you took that script to any major studio, they'd tell you, "You can't make this! It's the script to Blazing Saddles!"
I made six figures last year.
My supervisor at the toy factory said I was the worst employee they'd ever had.
People say that there are too many options for investing in the stock market
I thought it was either chicken or Beef
A duck just cussed me out
I'm developing a line of Star Wars themed snacks. My first product is...
Chewie Granola Bars (fur coating optional.)
My boss has threatened to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
I bought a wig for $1
It was a small price toupee
How does a dog make an estimate?
Sitting in his attorney's office, a client says "My iPad got dropped. What are my options?"
The attorney replies, "Well... first we have to determine if you have a case."
What's the absolute best piece of neckwear? A scarf or a shawl?
Neither in particular. I'd say it's a tie.
stock options? yes, of course, the key is to diversify.
i have chicken, beef, vegetable, even low-sodium.
I, Moby Dick, am so very tired of you all knocking at my door
If you want to contact me, you have two options:
- Call me.
- Fish mail.
Why do chefs like more than two options when making stock?
If you’re looking for a cheap holiday meal, reindeer balls are a great option…
…you can find them under a buck
I had to weigh my options
A divorced wife is in her new house
She says to her friend, "I took him for everything but the kitchen sink. I'm proud of myself but I really need to let that sink in."
Anyone know what the term LGBTQ means?
I ask people, but I can never get a straight answer
After contracting Covid19 there was only one option for Santa
Heh, didn't notice the visual pun I had created while showing this buyer they are an unobservant knob till almost an hour after.
Are these my only two options?
I won a trivia contest and the grand prize was a lifetime supply of Tabasco sauce.
I complained so much that they relented and gave me the whole bottle.
As I finally came to terms with my hair loss I weighed my options, transplanting hair or wearing a wig?
Looking at the transplant prices I realized - in comparison - a wig was a small price toupé.
Did you discuss repainting the house with your wife?
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