"Bogey Gamma is shifting formation, looks like Goliath-Seven is tumbling," Tactical Four called out.
"Biowarfare System Twelve is breaking up, looks like Leslie Neilson got a piece of its brain," Tactical Nine added.
The massive warship shuddered as it fired it's rotating eight barrel C+ Cannon arrays in carefully staged shots. There was a slight pause between each shot, only a half second, to keep the powerful guns from warping the frame of the warship or damaging the recoil absorption system.
The system was of little note. A failed colony almost wiped out by a Precursor machine but saved at the last minute by an insane murderous lemur packed with high tech cybernetics almost six years prior was its only claim to fame. It was resource rich, however, and that made it valuable to some.
It also sat squarely in the intersection of four Niven Ring passages and six Doom Tube passages.
Which made if valuable to one side.
"Temporal Resonance Cannon shockwave incoming! ALL HANDS, BRACE FOR IMPACT!" the Captain called across the eVR of the super-dreadnought's bridge.
The other side was there to deny it to the other side, nothing more, nothing less.
With the exception of killing as many of the first side as possible.
The shockwave hit the three hundred ships of the smaller fleet, pouring over the vessels with such power that it made the battlescreens flare and sparkle. Several had paint streaks change color, nearly a half dozen shifted position by nearly a dozen miles, and one rippled and was replaced by a nearly identical ship with different hull numbers.
"Soaring Breezes has undergone temporal exchange!" Called out Tactical Five. "Getting sitrep now."
The Captain nodded, staring at her foe.
Nearly three hundred Autonomous War Machines, almost a hundred of the strange crystalline and battlesteel ships preferred by the enemy, and eighteen clusters of bioweapons designed for space combat and who knew what else.
She clacked her beak in irritation as one of the clusters fuzzed, spores ejected from the living creatures masking the cluster.
"Order Task Force Harrington to hit Bio-Seven with their full missile load, they're up to something and I don't want nasty surprises," the C
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
In the fires of war humanity was birthed, and in the fires of war humanity lived for countless generations. With time, war did not disappear, rather it escalated, from fist and bone to sticks and stones, swords and spears, bullets and iron, and now to masers and plasma. For with the march of time came new resources, new rivalries, new reasons for war. For war is but human nature, for in war humanity was birthed, and in war I fear, humanity will perish.
30,000 ships traveled at light speed, all of which bearing the symbol of the UFH on the sides of them, the largest of these ships, the UFH Steel Aurora, a colossal 50 kilometer long ship, that is the 13th largest ship ever built by the UFH without being a dreadnaught class, and the flagship of patrol fleet Zakera traveled with shields up and weapons primed.
Admiral Logan Hault of UFH Steel Aurora had taken a third of the Zakera fleet to intercept a GEH invasion force. The 872 year old admiral looked to be in his early to mid 30s thanks to the nanites in his body slowing his aging to a crawl.
As they decelerated and exited from light speed the sensor array officer reported in “Admiral, the GEH fleet numbers around 300,000 sir. Their weapons and thrusters are cold, looks like they’re doing field maintenance.Security patrol numbering 8,000 strong. The Indomitable is with them. ” The officer spoke with a level voice but the admiral picked up on the slight fear in the last sentence.
They were 4 light hours away from the GEH fleet, they weren’t using sensors or visible light. No, said data would be 4 hours old, they were instead using stealth torpedoes that had been launched ahead with microwormhole warheads that scanned the fleet, the information traveling from the warhead’s wormhole and to the microwormhole aboard the Steel Aurora fed to the shackled AI and then passed to the sensor array officer’s display.
The Indomitable, a ship built to match the UFH Steel Aurora, and what could be accurately stated as the admiral’s arch enemy.
“Have they detected us?” Logan asked calmly.
“Negative sir” The comms officer responded.
“Initiate plan alpha” Logan said sitting straight in his chair
... keep reading on reddit ➡
Calcium, nickel, neon
Nothing, he was gladiator.
