My Dad has just had a Carotid Endarterectomy operation.

It's fairly routine but also kind of terrifying as he had to have the carotid artery in his neck opened up.

He got out of surgery yesterday and I texted him today:

"How are you feeling? Still a pain in the neck?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stokokopops
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
As I got out on the 11th floor, the lift operator said, "Have a good day son."

"Don't call me son, you're not my dad.!!" I said.

As the lift door closed, he looked me in the eye and said, "I brought you up, didn't I ?"

πŸ‘︎ 147
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.

I guess I'm just a bad conductor.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bagabus
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
My boss said to me, β€œYou are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”

I said, β€œI’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”

πŸ‘︎ 647
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aromipesa
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Dogs, regardless of breed, cannot operate complex medical equipment?

Cats can.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuckinWimp87
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I went in to hospital for a routine operation and was furious when I woke up to find the surgeon had given me a lobotomy

I can tell you, he sure got a piece of my mind.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Justlikeyourmoma
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Let's not talk about operation barbarossa. That topic is very offensive
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/im_not_inevitable
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines.

. ....................But catscan.

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πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
When I woke up from an operation, the nurse leaned over and said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."

So I fondled her boobs.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I just got a new job as a guillotine operator....

Beheading there shortly.

πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between Taxes and Texas?

Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I recently got a job as an elevator operator

It has its ups and downs.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gagi11030
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the biologist annoy the mathematician?

He said: "cells multiply by dividing"

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy Jerry had to get taken to the hospital, unfortunately it looked like he needed to be operated on. He was unconscious and when he came to, he asked β€œwhat’s going to happen, am I going to be alright?”

I told him; β€˜Surgery’.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BostonFan69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
System of Operating
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MNguyen720
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My mail man just had a sex change operation.

I guess I should call him a post man now

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theunkillable
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What would u call Hitler if he got removed of his own dick by operation and put someone else's dick there?

Dic-traitor

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kestrokapil
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What's a celibate person's favourite operating system?

Unix.

(Eunuchs.)

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Operating a solar farm is probably easy

After all, it's a light crop

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RKO-Cutter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What would happen if you give McDonalds an operating system
  • They'd sell Mac
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChickenFuzzNuts
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens if you give a site foreman an operating system

He'll install windows

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChickenFuzzNuts
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Operation Pothole
πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LastAccount29
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
She fell in love with a crane operator

She got let down

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What mathematical operation do the French despise?
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/octalgon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
After the Sex change operation, The Juggler is too scared to try juggling again.

It seems he doesn’t have the balls to do it again.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Aarsh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
How can you tell if a booty is operational?

It twerks

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jodandinero
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What's similar between strippers and those who operate election booths?

They're both poll workers.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Useless-Chicken
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Trying to figure out the reason why I have such difficulty with operating my doorbell.

I just can’t put my finger on it.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Ho Chi Minh never conduct espionage operations at Christmas?

That's the only time anyone actually looks for Minh's spies.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trimofdoom
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A bloke wakes up in hospital after an operation and shouts "Doctor I cant feel my legs"

The doctor said i know we chopped your arms off.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I couldn't decide on which side of the road I wanted to use my loom. On the northbound side the southbound side looked better. And upon crossing to the southbound side, the northbound side looked better. The cops soon arrested me for operating under the influence.

They said I was weaving all over the road.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I met Sally, a young woman who operates a battery kiosk at our local community park.

Sally sells C-cells by the Seesaw.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
That steam roller operator said the nicest thing to me as he ran me over...

I'm flattered.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ahughman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Sounds like a huge Oper-TUNA-ty!
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gerlandoti
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Ever since I went through with my sex change operation my kids have been completely ignoring me

It's like I'm transparent.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yanaytsabary
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor and as I got out, the operator said, β€œHave a good day, son.” I replied, β€œDon’t call me son, you’re not my dad.” He scratched his head and said...

β€œNo, but I brought you up, didn’t I?”

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to call tech support for my computer the other day.

Tech Support: β€œIt seems as though your operating system was installed backwards.”

Me: β€œSo?”

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLaziestPotato
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?

They only get paid in tips.

πŸ‘︎ 335
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Dogs can't operate MRI machines,

But cats-can.

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xenonthewizlard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Dogs can’t operate MRI Machines

But Catscan

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines.

But catscan.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My boss said to me, β€œYou are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”

I said, β€œI’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines.

But catscan.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Odinnextgen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Dogs can't operate MRI scanners.

But CATSCAN.

πŸ‘︎ 403
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πŸ‘€︎ u/avigyan_33
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines.

But catscan.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dani_SF
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report

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