For sale: Book titled "The Dangers of Materialism"

Β£150

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My cow saves every scrap of usable material.

He's recyclebull.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I borrowed materials from my friend years ago who is a chain link enthusiast. During a heated conversation, I exclaimed that wood is superior...

I didn't expect it but he took a fence.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alexd281
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
After a Viagra salesman died from the effects of the drug, the company gifted his family a casket of a new, high-end material.

They call it mourning wood.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-overthinks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of dog is made of different materials?

Polymeranians

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Basahn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I ran out of material for the doll I was making and only had breathe mints left for the feet.

He had Tic Tac toes

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chemist612
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend started a company a few years ago that binds quantities of material together...

He makes a bundle!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
How should you remove hazardous materials from your house?

Asbestos you can

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thicc_astronaut
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
We are putting away our unused Christmas gift wrap materials, and my son casually comments

β€œThey’re going to be napping papers”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jepoid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
An answer in a listening test was "specific background material" and a classmate asked if it was ok to just write "background material"

The teacher said it had to be specific

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Bor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danarchist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
We must create artistic compositions made of various materials glued on a surface for my Art 419 class project...

I guess I'll give it the old collage try.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Working with the raw materials I get imgur.com/BtgDLGt
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GaussWanker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
🚨︎ report
When my uncle worked at the iron mill he made a fortune sneaking out material that he could sell. One can say he was very good at steeling.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rattatamj
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
what is a cows favourite reading material

Cattlelogs

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldygold2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
"Time Sensitive Material"
πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brownijo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an important message to the staff of a building materials company?

An announcement

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My anatomy class is currently covering the skeletal system and my professor is being unreasonable with the amount of material we need to know so I made an office hour appointment to speak with him.

You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My 4 Year Old is Working on Her Material...

Her - Knock knock!

Me - Who's there?

Her - Hungry!

Me - Hungry who?

Her - Hi hungry, I'm dad!

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DSGRNTLDcitizen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
They delivered materials for our new roof today. I looked out the window, confused. Said to my son, β€œhuh, that’s weird. There are several pallets out there. He asked why that’s weird.

I was just expecting a shingle pallet

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The1hangingchad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my fiancΓ© I was trying to think of some jokes and that I wrote down some material... I think I'm funny
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/camcatsandart
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Later in Forrest Gump’s life, he puts on a little weight and opens a business collecting old plumbing materials.

It was called the Plump Gump Sump Pump Dump.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I suddenly couldn't go out and act because I received lots of crates of materials...

I had stage freight.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Ironic

The adjective for metal is metallic.

But not so for iron.

Which is ironic.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gordonjames62
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
As a Dad 'comedian', lately all my material has been

"inside" jokes!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DonaldandHillary
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter had to stick her hand in a sack to try to guess the type of material by touch...

It was felt.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
To steal someone's research material on plague is to

Plaguerize

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I just want to talk about the absolute perfect quality of material here in r/dadjokes!

Not once has anyone laughed at one of these jokes when I have told them. Way to keep the spirit of dadjokes alive by putting groans before laughter!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/designatedjohnny
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What's Mario's favourite material?

Denim, Denim, Denim

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrdcb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Bricks are the happiest construction materials.

They're always getting laid.

πŸ‘︎ 101
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently failed my β€œWomen in Saudi Arabia” class because there was too much material.

The course covered everything.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Even though I insisted there was no need for repatriation, my neighbour has just brought round a root vegetable in exchange for the reading material I gave them.

So thats a turnip for the books.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hairyfacedhooman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
From the 2020 SAT, geometry section: A farmer is welding parts in his barn. He wants to cut four bars of equal length from two lengths of iron rebar measuring 16 feet, 8 inches and 5 feet, 10 inches. How much material will be discarded? Bonus: where will the rebar, once welded, go for a good time?

A square dance

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadacolt45
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
β€ͺI regret quitting my job at the factory that made night wear for felines. I thought I was allergic to to some of the material we were working with. ‬ β€ͺ

But it turns out it wasn’t the cat’s pyjamas

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
GOLDMINE! Some genius comedy material in here my friends. /r/AskReddit/comments/e8t…
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hickfield
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
The local cobbler realized that canvas was a better material to craft shoes out of

His opinion was suede

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ACoolDude_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Wood is a very forgiving material to work with

That's why Jesus is a carpenter

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ultrafas_tidious
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
As a woman I consider myself to be wife material. You know how much you have to pay per yard for wife material? About a house and a yard!
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HollyDaze420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I've really enjoyed the past year here and have gotten some great material for my repertoire that never ceases to amaze the wife and kids, but I think it's time I had a short word with you all

Short

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TimothyLux
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What material are a clown’s breast implants made out of?

SILLYcone

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/svenguillotien
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Ice is the most solid material in the world

It bathes in its own blood

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SideOfInsanity
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
To avoid bear attacks, carry little bells and pepper spray.

It’s also helpful to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung has plants and fruit material in it. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I found this small stick with one end coated with a material that can be ignited by frictional heat. It made me feel loved, wholesome and beautiful.

Like a match made in heaven.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Fathers of reddit what are some good softball puns that I can use?

I have a girl I want to woo and take her to prom but I need some good material that is funny and gets to the point, I know this isn’t a joke but i really wanna take her to prom

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aqualogarithm8
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What material is a piggy bank made from?

Porkelain

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ingrahamlincoln
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I borrowed materials from my friend years ago who is a chain link enthusiast. During a heated conversation, I exclaimed that wood is superior...

I didn't expect it but he took a fence.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alexd281
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What is Mario’s favourite clothing material

Denim Denim Denim

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rover-II
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.