What do liberal metalheads listen to?

Progressive Metal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SolBadguy11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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What do you call a teenager who never grows up?

Constantine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitiamedved
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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Seems a little inappropriate having a strip club across the road from Mini golf in town. I’m a pretty liberal guy but if I’m having a day out with my family the last thing I want to look across the road and see is a bunch of losers playing mini golf.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rurgtide
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
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What car does a liberal drive?

A wokesvagen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sylviaplath19
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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It’s my right to cheese

Don't be blue, this will be over soon. I don't typically share my political views online, but I am very PROvolone. I think every manchego has a right to choose. Some people may think I am a muenster for this. I am not just some liberal Monterey Jack. If you Havarti another point of view, it's a gouda idea to share it too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LunOverdose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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A conservative injured their leg

Now they're left leaning

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Average-Buggo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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Well, if you incest
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FitsumAdmasu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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Both my kids are liberal arts majors, and they seem overwhelmed at the lack of job prospects.

Oh the humanities!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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In Canada, you are more likely to die of a moose kick than of a terrorist attack.

Those damn mooselimbs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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β€œDad, when you were in college, what was your position on marijuana?”

Dad: Slumped in a beanbag chair, mostly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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How does a democrat apply lotion?

By applying a liberal amount.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLonelyKerbal
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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So the B-17 Flying Fortress's main rival the B-24 Liberator was built by the Ford motor company...

I guess you could call it a...

Flying FORDTRESS

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pperson25
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2015
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Me: Here’s some good news. My wife is pregnant!

Friend: Congratulations! Do you know the sex?

Me: Of course I know β€œthe sex”. How else will she get pregnant?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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squorang
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatriotsTomBrady
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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Half a man..

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaLithium2476
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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To refer to all women as bitches isn't just a blanket statement, it's a broad generalization
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daddydomino
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2017
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What’s the most conservative herb?

Oreagano.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-Youseeks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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What do you call tea that tastes like freedom?

LiberTEA

(Im not sorry)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReksaiMo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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There is a reason why conservatives mistrust statistics.

It’s all because of the left-wing liberal median.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
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Text from Dad after making dinner reservations

Ok, we’re reserved. Wild and crazy but reserved. Kind of moderate liberals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mogeek
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2017
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Dad helped with accounting homework

I was doing some accounting homework when...

Me: What is the acid test ratio?

Dad: States what the acid test ratio is.

Me: Thanks, I should have known that.

Dad: it's okay it's not basic knowledge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RescueDolphin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2014
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I got dadjoked by my Spanish class this morning.

So, I teach Spanish at a small liberal arts college in the Carolinas. This morning my basic Spanish class was going over a reading comprehension exercise about a clothing store called "Corona." Corona means 'crown' in English. The ad had all kinds of words dealing with royalty, kings, and so on in it, and I wanted to go over the double meanings. So, to start, I asked them, "ΒΏCΓ³mo se dice 'corona' en inglΓ©s?" To a student, they all answered, "Beer."

I groaned and dismissed them five minutes early so I could laugh without them seeing me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wuapinmon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2014
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My boyfriend made a political dadjoke yesterday.

He didn't know what to make for lunch. I said, "You have progressive soup in your cabinet." To which he replied, "I knew it was free thinking, but I didn't know it was that liberal!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gallifrey_ginge
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2014
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My father tells the same joke while driving...never gets old..

I live in a very liberal city, that also has a lot of "right turn only" streets. He loves to say "For a city with so many liberals, you sure hate to turn left". Every. Single. Time

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notarealfox
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
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What do you call an old hippie with hemorroids?

A bleeding fart liberal!

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2013
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