For sale: Book titled "The Dangers of Materialism"

Β£150

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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I ran out of material for the doll I was making and only had breathe mints left for the feet.

He had Tic Tac toes

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chemist612
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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My friend started a company a few years ago that binds quantities of material together...

He makes a bundle!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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We are putting away our unused Christmas gift wrap materials, and my son casually comments

β€œThey’re going to be napping papers”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jepoid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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How should you remove hazardous materials from your house?

Asbestos you can

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thicc_astronaut
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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We must create artistic compositions made of various materials glued on a surface for my Art 419 class project...

I guess I'll give it the old collage try.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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An answer in a listening test was "specific background material" and a classmate asked if it was ok to just write "background material"

The teacher said it had to be specific

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Bor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danarchist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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When my uncle worked at the iron mill he made a fortune sneaking out material that he could sell. One can say he was very good at steeling.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rattatamj
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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what is a cows favourite reading material

Cattlelogs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldygold2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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Working with the raw materials I get imgur.com/BtgDLGt
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaussWanker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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What do you call an important message to the staff of a building materials company?

An announcement

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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"Time Sensitive Material"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brownijo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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My anatomy class is currently covering the skeletal system and my professor is being unreasonable with the amount of material we need to know so I made an office hour appointment to speak with him.

You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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What did the tie say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I’ll just hang around for a bit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucas_sc94
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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My 4 Year Old is Working on Her Material...

Her - Knock knock!

Me - Who's there?

Her - Hungry!

Me - Hungry who?

Her - Hi hungry, I'm dad!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DSGRNTLDcitizen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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They delivered materials for our new roof today. I looked out the window, confused. Said to my son, β€œhuh, that’s weird. There are several pallets out there. He asked why that’s weird.

I was just expecting a shingle pallet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The1hangingchad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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Ironic

The adjective for metal is metallic.

But not so for iron.

Which is ironic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gordonjames62
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Later in Forrest Gump’s life, he puts on a little weight and opens a business collecting old plumbing materials.

It was called the Plump Gump Sump Pump Dump.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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I told my fiancΓ© I was trying to think of some jokes and that I wrote down some material... I think I'm funny
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πŸ‘€︎ u/camcatsandart
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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I suddenly couldn't go out and act because I received lots of crates of materials...

I had stage freight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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As a Dad 'comedian', lately all my material has been

"inside" jokes!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DonaldandHillary
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
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My daughter had to stick her hand in a sack to try to guess the type of material by touch...

It was felt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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To steal someone's research material on plague is to

Plaguerize

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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I just want to talk about the absolute perfect quality of material here in r/dadjokes!

Not once has anyone laughed at one of these jokes when I have told them. Way to keep the spirit of dadjokes alive by putting groans before laughter!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/designatedjohnny
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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What's Mario's favourite material?

Denim, Denim, Denim

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrdcb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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To avoid bear attacks, carry little bells and pepper spray.

It’s also helpful to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung has plants and fruit material in it. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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Bricks are the happiest construction materials.

They're always getting laid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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Even though I insisted there was no need for repatriation, my neighbour has just brought round a root vegetable in exchange for the reading material I gave them.

So thats a turnip for the books.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hairyfacedhooman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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From the 2020 SAT, geometry section: A farmer is welding parts in his barn. He wants to cut four bars of equal length from two lengths of iron rebar measuring 16 feet, 8 inches and 5 feet, 10 inches. How much material will be discarded? Bonus: where will the rebar, once welded, go for a good time?

A square dance

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadacolt45
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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β€ͺI regret quitting my job at the factory that made night wear for felines. I thought I was allergic to to some of the material we were working with. ‬ β€ͺ

But it turns out it wasn’t the cat’s pyjamas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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GOLDMINE! Some genius comedy material in here my friends. /r/AskReddit/comments/e8t…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hickfield
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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I recently failed my β€œWomen in Saudi Arabia” class because there was too much material.

The course covered everything.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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The local cobbler realized that canvas was a better material to craft shoes out of

His opinion was suede

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ACoolDude_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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Wood is a very forgiving material to work with

That's why Jesus is a carpenter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultrafas_tidious
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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Fathers of reddit what are some good softball puns that I can use?

I have a girl I want to woo and take her to prom but I need some good material that is funny and gets to the point, I know this isn’t a joke but i really wanna take her to prom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aqualogarithm8
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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I've really enjoyed the past year here and have gotten some great material for my repertoire that never ceases to amaze the wife and kids, but I think it's time I had a short word with you all

Short

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimothyLux
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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As a woman I consider myself to be wife material. You know how much you have to pay per yard for wife material? About a house and a yard!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HollyDaze420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
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Reddit Obligations:

I don't have any original material at the moment, but the obligations are still there. So I present the following:

How do you get a baby satellite to sleep? You rocket!

Why was Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

Eggs don't tell jokes because they always crack up.

What's a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!

What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, he still won't come

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bross-Hog
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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Ice is the most solid material in the world

It bathes in its own blood

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SideOfInsanity
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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What material are a clown’s breast implants made out of?

SILLYcone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/svenguillotien
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
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There were two friends and one of them wanted to open up a gelato shop.

When the friend finally got the location to run the shop he tried to get some experienced and dedicated employees. However, he soon realized that all the good employees for a gelato shop were already working at some nearby locations. So he had to deal with some mediocre people who didn’t care that much about gelatos. Then a day before the opening of the shop the person who was supposed to provide the materials for the gelatos called in as sick. Finally there were also some teenagers who decided to steal some of the decorations.

When the friend told this story the other friend then said,

#β€œMan, you have gelat of problems.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatGuy3036
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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I found this small stick with one end coated with a material that can be ignited by frictional heat. It made me feel loved, wholesome and beautiful.

Like a match made in heaven.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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Handy Woman gets a job

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch," he said, "how much will you charge me?"

The blonde, after looking about, responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should; she was standing on it. Do you think she's dumb?"

"No", replied the wife. "I guess I'm guilty of being influenced by all those 'dumb blonde' jokes."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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What material is a piggy bank made from?

Porkelain

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ingrahamlincoln
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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Is the majority of this sub finally done recycling material?

There have only been a few "Is this sub still active? There haven't been any new posts all year" posts all year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fzh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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What's the best material to build a house out of?

Wooden you like to know!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zeekblitz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
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What is Mario’s favourite clothing material

Denim Denim Denim

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rover-II
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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