Why is the Black Forest the most dangerous place on earth?
.
Because it’s full of Baums.
Why are deep places on the planet called the "bowels of the earth"?
Because they're incontinent
What’s the most magical creature on earth?
A Harry Pottermus
(Courtesy of my 8 year old son)
I quote the frog with the biggest ego on planet earth
Who among us are aliens on Earth?
where can you find the hottest people on Earth??
A failed experiment on spiders resulted in them becoming Large enough as the mountains. Within hours the whole Earth was covered...
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
It's pasteurized before you even see it.
Why are the fastest land animals on Earth so bad at relationships?
Because they are cheetahs
I am 100% certain that I make the greatest microwaveable waffles on Earth
But you may think I'm just an Eggomaniac
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
If you're born on Earth Day,
then it's your B-Earth-Day
(Note: Yes, I'm born on Earth Day and hence am posting this.)
On which side of the earth should you build a house?
Little Johnny has diarrhoea and asks his mom, "Hey mom, do you have Viagra?" The mom goes, "What? What on Earth do you need that for?" "Well, isn't that what you give dad when his shit doesn't get hard?"
I was feeling depressed. So my wife put her hand on my shoulder and said "Earth."
That meant the world to me.
What’s the Fastest Growing City on Earth?
The capital of Ireland.
It’s Dublin every day.
My son asked me if gravity kept us on the earth
I'm up in the air on that one
What does Earth get on Earth day ?
I failed a recent test on the forces of the earth.
Apparently I didn’t understand the gravity of the situation I was in
If you place all currently living people on the equator around the Earth,
at equal distance from each other,
...
most of them would get wet and some will surely drown
What is the least spoken language on earth
What type of elements know everybody on earth?
Fungi have thrived on Earth for more than 400 million years
You know what they say... history favors the mold.
Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.
That's my pint of view, anyway.
What on earth is brown and sticky?
There are very few left-handed people on Earth.
But I think that’s all right.
The most remote place on earth
What is the angriest place on Earth?
An alien came down to Earth the other day, stepped out of his spaceship and said, "G'day cobber! Let's start a barby and throw some shrimp on! Strewth!".....
....he was an Austr-alien
Which is the oldest animal on the earth ?
There’s a lot of proposals on cleaning up space in earth’s orbit from broken satellites.
Looks like they’ll need a vacuum cleaner
God finished creating the 24-hour cycle on Earth...
...with both darkness and light taking turns. He admired his hard work with a smile and a sigh. An angel asked him “What’s wrong, Lord?” God replied “I think I’m gonna call it a day.”
I proclaimed to my wife that the world does not revolve around our little girl. Perturbed, she shot back, "Why on Earth would you ever say that!?" I explained, "Well, it's really quite simple you see, she's our daughter..."
What's the most sarcastic body of water on Earth ?
What is the tallest building on earth?
The library, it has the most stories
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
A suspicious looking spacecraft landed on Earth to bring back to life ray-finned fish. But one spacecraft wasn't sufficient, so more arrived.
I think it was extra to restore eels
Here’s an original one I just came up with just now while watching the Behind the Curve flat earth conspiracy documentary on Netflix. It made me realize that I am a flat eyeball conspiracist.
They’re just optical illusions.
Which country on Earth has the worst internet service?
What's the fastest liquid on earth?
Milk. Its pasteurized before you can see it
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
It's pasteurized before you even see it.
What is the fastest liquid on earth?
Milk! It’s pasteurized before you even see it!
If you're born on Earth Day, then it's your B-Earth-Day.
Ba-dum-tss
- Yes, I'm born on Earth Day
What is the fastest liquid on earth???
Milk, because it's pasteurized before you see it
What's the fastest liquid on earth?
Milk.
It's pasteurised before you see it.
What’s the fastest growing city on Earth?
The capital of Ireland – it’s Dublin every day.
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