Olympic Puns
I'm Putin this out there for those of you who want a certain country to Finnish with a gold medal.
Did you hear about the stoner who entered the Olympics?
He came first in high jump.
David Schwimmer of Friends once had an opportunity to try out for the Olympics but decided against it.
He didn’t want to be an Olympic Schwimmer.
During the Olympics, I met a European man holding 2 large sticks.
I asked him "Are you by any chance a pole- vaulter?"
He looked surprised "Nein, I'm German, but how did you know my name vas Valter?"
My nose should join the olympics
It' really good at running
Lynn's nurse at the vaccination centre recently qualified for a sport in the Tokyo Olympics. What sport is it?
A person was arrested at the special Olympics.
Did you know that ancient Greeks would shave their heads before the Olympics to run faster?
Modern historians call it balderdash.
Why did the cannibal go to the Olympics?
I'm getting bored of hearing these Olympic athletes say .. 'how much work they've put in and the sacrifices they've made.'
What do they want a medal?
Craig David has volunteered to help out at the next Olympics, he has been assigned to Archery...
He said “He’s delighted to be the bo selecta”
Can a fencing champion born in France, but raised in the U.S. represent either country in the olympics?
Yes. Because they have duel citizenship.
My uncle's friend won the Olympic gold with an epee made from a disposable thin metal sheet often used in cooking...
It was a good aluminum foil
Is plate throwing a really an Olympic sport?
Certain Olympic events should be thrown out
Why isn’t suntanning an Olympic sport?
Because the best you can ever get is bronze.
Did you hear about the naked toddler competing in the Olympics' 100m dash?
He was running a little behind.
(I believe this to be original; but I wasn't willing to risk searching for the key terms required to determine if someone else came up with it... apologies if I'm repeating a long ago joke)
If lazyness was an olympic sport, I would come fourth.
I woudn't want to climb up the podium
If self-deprecation was an Olympic Sport
I'd probably just about scrape bronze
I am a unique hybrid of two exceptional athletes. My mom was all-American sprinter and my dad qualified for the Olympic marathon.
So naturally, I have been genetically gifted with the ability to run relatively slowly over very short distances.
Watching the Olympics with my Wife
She asked about the girl on screen getting ready for her routine: "Is she Russian?"
To which I replied : "No she's taking her time"
The eye roll was fantastic.
Did you hear about this winter Olympic's sled rider with gigantism?
He's this season's biggest luger
Do you know where the first Winter Olympics were held?
If pessimism was a Olympic sport.....
I would still not win it.
I like how they light the Olympic torch near Athens, then it stays lit all the way to the opening ceremony.
I guess it's hard to put out a Greece fire.
What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
What kind of phone does an Olympic Gymnast use?
Why did the Olympic athlete throw his reading assignment away?
His professor asked him to discus it.
What do Russian Olympic medal winners prove to the world?
That there was Russian medaling.
I have a favourite olympic sport. Discus.
I'm not saying China was doping during the Summer Olympics
But when they take the gold, silver, and bronze it raises a lot of red flags.
~credit to Steve, a real person.
Why did the bear photographer get disqualified from the Olympics ?
Qatar has been announced as the hosts for the Olympics 581 years from now.
It’ll be known as the Qatari 2600
Which olympic sport generates the most conversation?
Did you hear about the cheese that lost at the Olympics?
It fell over on the final curdle.
What's in the middle of the Olympic sprinter's hyphenated last name?
a 100 meter dash.
Edit:
Previously I had "60 meter dash". Turns out that was indoor sprinting and not Olympics. Fixed.
My knifes didn't get on the team for the Olympics.
I guess they just didn't make the cut.
Freestyle rap is being added as an event at the Special Olympics
It's a great way to showcase people with dis abilities.
Did you know the 1936 Berlin Olympics had the 100m sprint as the only running event?
Hitler only wanted one race in Berlin
If procrastination was an Olympic sport,
I would participate in the next one.
There was some controversy in the sports world this week, when they allowed some athletes to try out for the Olympic gymnastics team more than once
I thought it was just revaulting
My friend text me that he got a new job testing athlete for doping in the next olympics. I think he’s just taking the piss.....
There should be a movie about a Jamaican curling team that competes in the Olympics.
If a Russian athlete wins in a Pyeongchang event, does that mean they're Medaling with the Olympics?
The dedication of Olympic gymnasts amazes me.
They really bend over backwards for their country.
Another not-so-hot Olympic dad joke
Watching beach volleyball the other day.
Announcer: It's raining and chilly.
Me: No, not Chile, Brazil.
Then I had to wait hours for my husband to come home so I could repeat it, because my toddler is too young to get it.
Why isn’t suntanning an Olympic sport?
Cause you can only get bronze.
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