Obscene Puns

What a croc!

but they haven't quite worked all the kinks out

The Nude Eel

Now I am being charged with making an "obscene clone fall"

He was arrested for attempting to make an obscene clone fall.

Hello darling," breathed the obscene phone caller. "If you can guess what's in my hand, I'll give you a piece of the action."

""Listen Dude," drawled the lil' Texas lady, "If y'all can hold it in one hand, I ain't interested."

Pappu: “Seven Sir”

Teacher: “No, Listen Carefully. If I Gave You 2 Cats, And Another 2 Cats And Another 2, How Many Will You Have?”

Pappu: “Seven”

Teacher: “Let Me Put It To You Differently. If I Gave You 2 Apples, And Another 2 Apples And Another 2, How Many Will You Have?”

Pappu: “Six.”

Teacher: “Good. Now If I Gave You 2 Cats, And Another 2 Cats And Another 2,How Many Will You Have?”

Pappu: “Seven!!!”

Very Angry Teacher: “Where Do You Get Seven From”

Very Angry Pappu: “Because I Already Have One At Home“

A young lady had a problem because this other gal looked almost exactly like her, but had a nasty vocabulary. Nobody wanted to be around her anymore because the foul-mouthed girl really harmed her reputation.

So the lady in question decided to push the foul-mouthed look-alike off of the top roof of the Empire State Building. However, after doing this, she was soon arrested. Guess what she was charged with?

Making an obscene clone fall.

I got done up for making an obscene clone fall.

He really wants to impress her, so he decides to rent a tux. However, when he gets to the rental place, people are queued up out the door. He doesn't let this stop him, though. He takes his place in line and gets to waiting.

Finally, after waiting for over an hour, he gets fitted and pays for the rental. Relieved, he heads to the florist for a corsage, only to discover that the line there is also out the door, and halfway around the block, to boot!

Miffed, he mutters some mild obscenities, but he is determined to see this through, so he waits for almost 2 hours before finally being able to buy the flowers he picked out.

It's now the night of the dance, and he's ready to go. He picks her up, and they head to the event. When they arrive, his date immediately asks him if he can grab her a drink - she's absolutely parched! Still determined to make this the best night of her life, he dutifully makes his way to the other side of the venue, where he discovers, much to his surprise...

 

 

 

There's no punch line.

Backstory: I play in a small band that does a "tour" of southern Wisconsin every year. The bands name is the Petty Thieves. This is my first year with them, but every year they come up with a tour name and make nice t-shirts and material with the tour name on them. Last two tour names were "Sticky Fingers" and "Busted!" We are looking for something related to the band name. Something clever and crime related. If it has mild sexual innuendo, all the better, but not overtly obscene. Some tour names we came up with are: Five Finger Discount, Backdoor Tour, Snatching Kisses, Kissing Snatches, Robbing the Cradle, Something something Miss Demeanors, Spread 'em, Felonious Funk, Unlawful Entry, Rhymes against Humanity, etc...

If you have anything punny, please throw it out there. Top 3 upvoted names get reddit gold. If we use your tour name, I'l send you the tshirt. Thanks kind sirs!