Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Does that mean I have frozen assets or cold hard cash?
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1001 cures for itches."
I guess, I've got to start again from scratch.
Today I came across a note on my table signed by someone called Cayman-
I was pretty sure that he Cayman left
I was working behind the bar today when two guys came in and tried to pay with a couple of counterfeit £10 notes. When I told the manager, he asked what they looked like..
“Like £10 notes” I told him
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
What's a pirate's favorite note?
A midget was in my office applying for a job. He humbly noted all the benefits of his stature regarding the job.
I still think he was selling himself short.
I got my son a PS5 like he wanted... the note read...
Dear son,
Merry Christmas!
PS: do your homework.
PPS: do your chores.
PPPS: go outside and play and stop playing video games
PPPPS: you're a fatboy, fattie. You eat too much crap food.
PPPPPS: we're shipping you off to military school next year!
I went to the opticians yesterday and she asked to sing a high note when I asked why, she told me
“So we know if you can C#”
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
My girlfriend left a note on my fridge this morning saying "this isn't working, bye"
I opened it up and it was working fine, so I'll just wait till she's home to ask her what she meant.
Someone keyed a music note into my car
The damage appears to B Minor
What note do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft.
A note on a music teacher's door read:
Gone Chopin, Bach in a minuet
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
As I was walking down the street, I noted a man with a large pole in his hand and stopped to ask, "Are you a pole-vaulter?"
His response was, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
If I had to rate our solar system...
I wanted to make a post with a joke about musical notes. I first attempted to use Do or Mi, but in the end I went with
My daughter asked me to buy post it notes because we were out...
I told her to write it on a sticky note so I'd remember
Last night I dreamt I was in a swordfight with a knight, and he cut off the bottom part of my legs.
I saw a radio the other day on sale for $1. It had a note stuck on it saying, “Volume stuck on full”
I though, “I can’t turn that down”
Just dropping a short note to all at r/dadjokes
My partner is having a bad day at work, so I thought I would draw his favorite animal with a cute note.
When L died on Death Note,
My eyes became very Watari, because I knew the end was Near.
I saw I was running low on stickers at work so I made a note of it.
I thought that maybe I had a talent for music, so I tried to learn...
What is a pirates favourite musical note?
if you're stealing someone's music you're taking notes
How does a T-rex take notes?
Murray Christmas Everyone!!! (Side note- I don't take credit for this, but it's too great not to share)
To the person who stole my Microsoft office licence ,I will find you
I came up with a joke about accidental notes.
I thought it was really sharp, but I told my friends, and it just fell flat.
Accidentally parked in a 'reserved for witches' spot.
When I got back there was a note on my windshield that said "you will be toad."
I came home and saw a note from my wife stuck on the fridge: “I’m sorry. This isn’t working. You take things too literally. Goodbye.”
She will be so happy when she finds out I ordered a new one.
It's a note worthy one, don't u think?
A true story
So, I’m standing outside my office building with my older, wiser coworker, when he points up at a flock of geese flying in a V.
Me: [looks at the geese coworker is pointing to]
Coworker: “you notice how one side of the V is longer than the other?”
Me: “yeah”
Coworker: “do you know why that is?”
Me: “hmm... no”
Coworker: “there’s more birds on that side”
A cop left a nice note on my windshield to let me know I'd parked my car correctly...
My wife wrote me a note about the dimensions of her dresser.
Tech reviewers are just waiting for Samsung to release a mediocre new Note device just to say "It's not noteworthy"
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1,001 cures for itches.'
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
My girlfriend left a note on my fridge this morning saying "this isn't working, bye"
I opened it up and it was working fine, so I'll just wait till she's home to ask her what she meant.
I lost my notes I was writing for my book called "1,001 ways to cure an itch."
Guess I'll have to start from scratch.
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