My wife and I were waiting in line at the pharmacy to get her some of the good stuff from behind the counter. When she's sick she can be a little overly dramatic.
Her: "I think I'm dying, do they make anything for that?"
Me: "Funerals"
I came home college to find a life insurance policy with my name on it. I asked my dad why it was for so little, and he relied with, "that's just to cover the booze for the celebration party."
My wife and I were coming home from the grocery store when we passed a funeral procession coming from the opposite direction. The hearse was just hit by another car at the intersection, to which I said, "Boy, talk about DOA!"
Groans were had and I'll be resuming my shuttling duties shortly, ferrying souls to hell with me.
I work in the claims department at a life insurance company. A recent addition to our department mentioned that she had an insured who died from a bowel obstruction. I couldn't help but say: "Sounds like a real shitty way to go..."
Boss: How was your weekend?
Me: My cat is dying. So I spent Saturday, sitting on the couch, doing work, and trying to figure out what kind of music you play for a dying cat...
Boss: DeathCat for Cutie?
So while my dad was getting the mail he noticed the neighbor's Halloween decorations on their mailbox. The neighbors had strung these little plastic skeletons on top of it. Upon coming inside he said,
"The neighbors have these little human skeletons on their mailbox. Do you think we should put a mouse skeleton from the attic on ours?"
Happy Halloween.
The news was heavy on me
I was totally flabby guested.
“You’re much bigger than that.”
That instead of a stork, I was delivered by a crane.
She was a Morbid Angel.
I find it morbidly appealing.
So, I realize this isn't entirely in the spirit of dad jokes, but I think you all will get a groan or three in the end...
Basically, my dad is the epitome of /r/dadjokes. He is a walking talking dadjoke. So, it was quite the shock to our family when we recently found out that he has stage 4 Cholangiocarcinoma (the Bad Luck Brian of cancers.) and doesn't have much longer to live. Anyhow, his favorite image on the internet is of a dead deer on the side of the road with a "Get well soon" balloon tied to its leg. It cracks him up. Tickles him pink in fact...so, being the morbid family we are, that lead to this...
http://imgur.com/h2cCZQq
He might be dying, but I still call him dad, and he is still quick with a joke. As you can see his sense of humor hasn't gone anywhere. Our family's sense of humor is what gets us all through. I believe my favorite bad joke through all of this was his buddy who said, "Frank, that is the worst spray tan I've ever seen in my life." (You see, the cancer is shutting down his liver and he appears yellow from jaundice.)
I'm not looking for any sympathy here, dad's die all the time. That's a tough fact of life. I just wanted to spread a fine dadjoke.
Thanks for reading.
The hospice nurse was asking mandatory questions of my Father-in-Law, terminal with cancer:
Nurse: Were you ever sexually abused as a child?
Father-in-Law: No, I was neglected.
Nurse: (surprised) Neglected?
Father-in-Law: No one ever loved me enough to give me any sexual abuse.
It's possible to laugh and cry at the same time. My Father-in-Law was legendary and laughed even in the face of death.
