Cowifornia
I told my wife "That cat would have way more grip on roof shingles and I expect more I realism from talking cartoon cows. This is "UDDERLY" ridiculous."
She may have buried her head and avoided eye contact for a bit. I was proud.
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
He herd them.
Why did the tree moo?
Because there was a cow stuck in it!
Whose there?
Cow says
Cow says who?
No, cow says moo, dummy
Cow-moo-flage.
Knock Knock / Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow wh—
Moooooooo!
There should be a Trump version.
Knock knock / Who's there?
Interrupting Trump.
Interrupting Trump wh—
Fake moos!
>A MOO MOO!
<<Thanks folks! I'm here all week! Don't forget to tip your cows!>>
Everyone knows the interrupting cow knock knock joke but we like making up KKJs for other cows. Here are some of ours; please add more so I can continue to surprise and delight the young people near and dear to me. TIA!
(Obviously each joke goes "Knock knock" etc. I'll just write the "cow" part and the punchline)
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French cow: le moo
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Backwards cow: oom
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Upside down cow: woo
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Sad cow: moo hoo hoo
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Ghost cow: moo-oo-oo-oooo
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Police cow: moo ee oo ee oo ee oo
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Cow on a motorbike: (make zooming moo)
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Cow in disguise: Baa
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Horse in disguise: Moo
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Invisible cow: (quickly cover child's eyes) Moo
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Inaudible cow:
A monk sits at the peak of a hill that overlooks where the grassy Earth meets a river, the river flows with a breeze, and the breeze explores a mountain range, and the mountains neighbor the sky, and the sky conceals the entire universe, hiding the unknown in plain sight. The monk exhales "Ooooomm". He repeats this until a noise, very faint, breaks his chant.
"moo."
The monk stops for a moment but, without changing his position, dismisses it. "Ooooooommm." He begins again.
He's interrupted again, "moooo."
The monk turns to find a cow looking up at him from the bottom of the hill. "Kind cow," the monk says, "please do not interrupt my meditation."
The cow stares blankly back at the monk. The monk sighs and continues.
"Oooooommmm-"
Even louder, "Mmmooooooooo."
"Dear cow, I must reach enlightenment. Please, refrain from making your cow noises or find another hill."
The monk continues again, "Oooooooommmm-"
"MMMmmoooooooooooO!" The cow exclaims.
The monk stands up angrily, "Cow! Why must you interrupt my chanting?"
The cow replies, "Because you're saying it backwards!"
Holy cow!!
Tell me your best holy cow jokes.😂
"Who's there?"
"Cows go."
"Cows go who?"
"No, silly. Cows go moo"
Some context: my dad listed the drinks we had, which read "orange juice, decaf, milk."
Me: (jokingly) Decaf milk?
Dad: All milk is decaf because we get it and the calf doesn't!
The man is legendary.
As the engine sputters and shuts down the woman driving the car steers toward a nearby driveway and honks the horn hoping to get the attention of a guy herding cattle in the distance. Sure enough within a minute the man has ridden his horse over to her. He dismounts and gives a happy “Hello! Sounds like you’re having some car trouble. Can I help at all?” The woman replies that she’s not sure what happened but that she would love some help. They pop the hood and the man says he thinks he can fix the problem but has to run back to his barn to get some tools. The cows have come to see what’s going on and as the farmer gets ready to leave he says “Don’t worry about your car. I’ll have it running in a few minutes. Just head over there to the shade of the tree by the fence. The cows are all friendly. Bessy there likes to have her ear rubbed, Albert likes to look at people, and Mare will just moo a grand ole tune.” All of it is true and within 20 minutes the woman is happily sitting in her car with the engine running better than before. “Thank you so much, you’re a life saver,” she says. The man smiles and lets out a big laugh before saying “I’m glad I could help. But I’m no life saver. I’m just a jolly rancher.”
The cow told me to live in the moo-ment.
So a blonde, brunette, and a ginger are running from the cops, they run into a barn, the blonde hides behind a barrel, the brunette hides behind a horse, the ginger hides behind a cow, the cops show up and yell "come out we know you're in there!" The brunette says "neigh neigh," the ginger says "moo moo," the blonde says "barrel barrel."
It's a bit of a basic joke but it makes me chuckle so wanted to share it.😁👍
Moo Willems.
(By my four year old... She's really been milking the cow puns lately.)
So we were driving to the Ikea and I saw a bunch of young cows getting released into a field next to the highway. I pointed it out on the way back but she couldn't see them right until the last moment. She said they were hiding. So I said they were camouflaged... cow-moo-flaged
The look on her face was priceless.
Dad: "Uh oh, the cows are all lying down, you know what that means!" Victim: "It's going to rain?" Dad: "No...they're tired."
All they said was, "Bach, Bach, Bach..."
Even his cows preferred moo-zak.
Son: When do cows moo a lot?
Me: I don't know, when?
Son: When they com-moo-nicate
Oh MOOgosh. This might just sound like a load of Bull, but please STEER me out.
Deja Moo (Sung to the tune of Fresh Prince of Bel-air)
Now these are puns all about COWS
Their milk gets flipped, churned all around.
And I’d like to take a minute but I won’t stop and prattle
And tell you this story you haven’t HERD about cattle.
In IstanBULL I was born and BRAISED.
In the pastures back then in my HAYDAYS.
Chewing cud, RUMPING round, and making a fuss.
TANNING out so UDDERLY ridiculous.
When a couple of HEIFERS who had BEEF with me
Started BULLying on my Brand , you see.
I got TIPPED over once and my mom got scared
She said you're MOOvin your behind, your butt, your DAIRY Air.
I whistled for a calf and when it came near
Thought she was a babe, but HE was a STEER!
If anything I can say this STEAK is rare
But that Bovine was BO-FINE so I didn’t care!
I got milked a few times, maybe 7 or 8
More like long-gonehorn, than reliable date.
So I CHUCKED out the udder half of the pasture,
Bevo ain’t a cow, don’t got what I’m after.
Fun fact: a Dairy Cow can produce 125lbs of saliva a day.
My wife and I drove by a horse that had spots like a cow.
Me: What’s a cow horse like that’s favorite thing to barter with? MOO-NEIGH
Traveling in the car with the family, my daughter points out a billboard with a cat sporting a mustache.
Me: "You mean a meow-stache?" (ok, lame, but still...)
[whole family groans]
My son: "They should have used a cow. Then it would have been a moo-stache."
[and a proud little tear fell from my eye...]
My friend (L) and I (B) ended up in a pun war. She had to wake up super early to catch a flight, and this was at about one in the morning:
L: I should definitely set my alarm to 'cow' o.O
B: Haha, do it. Nothing like waking up to cows in the 'moo'rning.
L: Oh my gosh. Absolutely not.
B: Hey, but it would be so 'udder'ly hilarious!
L: I just got stabbed to death by a pun.
B: I'm just trying to 'milk' it for all it's worth...
L: If I did that, I'm not sure I'd wake up in a happy 'moo'od.
B: Just drink some 'calf'inated coffee, and you'll be fine.
L: I'd be laughing 'stock' of the town... Cows don't have a sense of humor.
B: Bull!
L: I'll just use my cowculator do determine how much sleep I'm actually going to get tonight...
B: You could wake up a little later, but you'd have to 'hoof' it to the airport.
L: Hope the weather is good, so my plane isn't 'ground'ed 'beef'.
B: That's stretching it... You should make more of an 'heifer't to come up with good puns.
L: I know when I'm getting creamed.
B: It's hard to 'steer' you in the right direction, because you keep changing topics.
L: That's udderly ridiculous. I'm just trying to mooove on.
B: And I just keep churning 'em out...
L: No, you're just spinning your 'veal's.
B: That's one of the best ones I've herd all night!
L: I thought I might've butchered it...
B: PETA might have a beef with you because of it, though...
L: Well done, well done...
B: I don't think they care leather or not you personally slaughtered it, too.
L: See now, I wish you'd stop 'grilling' me about the bad puns... You should 'patty' yourself on the back. I 'dairy' you to come up with more.
B: Well, you can certainly steak a claim for being able to hold your own...
L: I'm a natural 'barn' comedian. However, I really should quit 'yak'king and go to bed. :p
B: Okay, that's not cows... You lose. You 'cud' have done a lot better.
L: The grass is greener on the other side, okay? Also, cows live in barns, and yaks are related to cows.
B: It was still quite a stretch... Don't have a cow about it.
L: Ha anymoo. Goodnight! Also, don't die of mad cow disease.
Knock Knock. -Who's there? Interrupting Cow -Interrupting Co-- MOO!
We were talking about eating cow eyes. My brother said it would probably taste like hard boiled eggs.
In the background my dad has been mooing. When my mom turned to him to tell him to be quiet, he stopped and said...
"I'm not yolking!"
We were driving past a field with cows in it. She told me, "Look! There are just two white cows in that whole herd."
I told her, "They must be the moo-nority." Then she gave me that "really?" look. Much laughter ensued.
What do you call a pig wearing a cow's slippers?
Moo-shoe pork!
Moo outta my way, you cow.
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No you idiot, cows go moo
Moo (well what were you expecting it to say its a cow)
