Me- "Hey dad how long is dinner gonna be?"
Dad- "oh I dunno, about a few inches wide"
So we're out at a salad buffet type restaurant with self server ice-cream. My father, being quite the large human, makes himself a monstrosity of an ice-cream. This thing is like 6-8 inches tall and sitting on a baby sugar cone. He proceeds to eat the phalic dessert with much enthusiasm and I ask him,
"Dad are you enjoying that?"
He stops mid lick
"Not half as much as this icecream is"
My father ladies and gentlemen.
"Philogelos" or "The Laughter Lover" is a collection of 265 ancient Roman jokes, written in the 4th century AD. Some of them feel... very appropriate for this sub:
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A boy caught sight of a deep well on his country-estate, and asked if the water was any good. The farmhands assured him that it was good, and that his own parents used to drink from that well. The boy expressed his amazement: "How long were their necks, if they could drink from something so deep!"
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When a boy was told by someone, "Your beard is now coming in," he went to the rear-entrance and waited for it.
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A boy checked in on the parents of a dead classmate. The father was wailing: "O son, you have left me a cripple!" The mother was crying: "O son, you have taken the light from my eyes!" Later, the boy suggested to his friends: "Well, if he were guilty of all that, he probably deserved to die!"
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A boy came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man's wife said that he had 'departed', the intellectual replied: "When he arrives back, will you tell him that I stopped by?"
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A boy had been at a wedding-reception. As he was leaving, he said: "What a wonderful ceremony! I pray that your next marriages are as enjoyable as this one."
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A man met his friend in the street, who said: "Congratulations! I hear that you've got a new baby boy!" The man replied: "Indeed, but I'm still trying to find the father!"
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A man saw a eunuch talking with a woman and asked him if she was his wife. When he replied that eunuchs can't have wives, the man asked: "So is she your daughter?"
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A man was being heckled by a friend: "I had your wife, without paying a dime!" The man replied: "It's my duty as a husband to couple with such a monstrosity. What made you do it?'
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An incompetent schoolteacher was asked who the mother of Priam was. Not knowing the answer, he said: "Well, I suppose it's polite to call her Ma'am."
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A man, just back from a trip abroad, went to an incompetent fortune-teller. He asked about his family, and the fortune-teller replied: "Everyone is fine, especially your father." When the man objected that his father had been dead for ten years, the reply came: "Ah, then you must have no clue who your real father is!"
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A misogynist paid his last respects at the tomb of his dead wife. When someone asked him, "Who has gone to rest?," he replied: "Me, at last!"
You can find more here and [here](http://publishing.y
... keep reading on reddit ➡During the goodbyes my Dad said "We'll make sure to put out a welcome... Matt next time you come down".
After a few seconds to unravel the monstrosity that had just left my Dad's mouth, we groaned and walked away.
