Why were they called the "Apollo" moon missions?

Because they didn't take a chicken.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FunMathematician1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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Peta has a new militant wing, with the mission of enforcing vegan lifestyle..

It’s called Al-Quinoa

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beewthanitch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Why do mission controllers count down on takeoff?

If they counted up the space shuttle would never take off.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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My first reddit for-rum sub mission
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πŸ‘€︎ u/L_Kuips
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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How does a baby look something up?

They "Goo Goo" it.

[This joke provided courtesy of my seven-year old.]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eggsaladapologist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I keep hearing Mission Control check in with Dragon Crew, asking "How do you read, over."

And I just KNOW if I were up there I would be physically unable to keep myself from responding "Dragon to Mission Control, I read with my eyes, over." I wonder how many times before they airlock me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/H_G_Bells
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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I have a joke about a mission to the moon, but it's really bad...

I Apollo-gize.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maud_brijeulin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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I'm a member of the Galactic Senate on a dimplomatic mission to Alderaan - Princess Leia

Hi, I'm a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan, I'm dad - Darth Vader

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jwelshie64
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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Canada is planning a mission to the moon

We're calling our spaceship the Apollo-G.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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In an effort to combat climate change, the U.S. Army will no longer allow rabbits to drive vehicles.

This will eliminate 75% of America’s car bunny missions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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mission failed we'll get em next time
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GroovyExeggutor
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission

When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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I’ve decided to put an end to color-based segregation in my household...

...however my wife disagrees, and is no longer letting me use the washing machine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eagle4523
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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What do you call an astronaut who was in a failed mission?

an Astro-not

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrHamod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
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Why was mission control so tense when NASA launched a cow into orbit?

It was a high steaks mission.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zspratt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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If i was an astronaut, before every mission i would sit down with my wife and tell her

"listen honey, its not that i want a divorce, i just think i need some space." Then i would put on my helmet and slow walk to the launch pad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ASpellingAirror
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2015
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It's great that we're starting to use the term "crewed" for astronaut missions.

"maned missions" was getting pretty crude.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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My children are now under the assumption that "Dorito" is Spanish for "Orange Triangle". Lunchtime mission accomplished.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrawForChange
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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My wife went to get a pedicure with her mother. She sent me a text saying that they have an exfoliating, foot scrub that has CBD/Hemp oil in it and she was going to try it out...I replied β€œbaby, do you realize that you left the house with slippers on...

But you are coming back with high heels”. Her mom sent me a text asking me what I said that made my wife throw her phone in to her lap and groan aloud. Mission accomplished haha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirTurkTurkelton
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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I love to cook spaghetti, but am really bad at serving... it's a real mission in-pasta-bowl.

I really noodle get better at it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patentpunk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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Where does a suicide bomber go on his final mission?

Everywhere

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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MISSION IMPUNSIBLE

Reddit, I need your collective minds to create puns based on a certain word, which is below. The pun that Reddit and I both enjoy most will be broadcasted for the world to see. Have fun!

WORD: Flour

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ctrexrhino
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2017
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How does NASA prepare for missions?

They planet!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/agajeski
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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If spaghetti made a moovie, what would it be called?

Mission im-pasta-ble

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Caprastick
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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CJ's teacher wondered why he didn't perform very well in the PEs test.

After all, all he had to do was to follow the damn train!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gustavo6046
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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In my mission to promote medical marijuana amongst marine birds,

I shall leave no tern unstoned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pedantichrist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2017
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what do you call it when a mafia boss named Ana Conda sends his snobbish criminal henchman to go on a mission that includes said henchman to go down multiple flights of stairs?

Conda sending condecending con decending

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jackg4444
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2015
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Mission Impossumable! youtu.be/Eg5pdilyop0
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Romanizer727
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2014
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My mission as a dad is complete.

'V' is my 4 year old son:

http://imgur.com/fr7PzTI

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πŸ‘€︎ u/magicmaestro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2016
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Dad's been busy

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

  1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

  2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

  3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

  4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

  5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

  6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

  7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

  8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

  9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

  10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

  11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

  12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

  13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

  14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

  1. Took a bo
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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I keep getting funny looks when i insist on playing the first level in spanish.

Nobody expects the spanish intro mission

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flowt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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Guys! The CEO of Samsung is super popular now...

...His phone is blowing up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/THEAdamHill
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2016
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My child has been learning what a metaphor is

I asked, is it like a metafive but not as good?

Got a laugh from the teacher and a groan from my kids. Mission complete!

Update: my wife just read the post and I started giggling and said 'I make myself laugh', my seven year old piped up 'you don't make other people laugh'

I'm so proud of myself

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepineapplehea
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2016
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How does NASA say it's sorry?

It Apollo-gizes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neutral_cadence
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2015
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What’s a spaghetti noodles favorite movie?

Mission ImPASTAble

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyGuyE
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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The Mars rovers have to be sterile before being sent to the planet to prevent cross contamination. Just one germ and they must clean the spaceship again...

The whole mission must be scrubbed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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Why has it always been One Week since Trump threatened a trade war?

Because he's playing chicken with China, the Chinese chicken.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/infinitecogs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
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The police have finally caught the criminal who was hiding beneath blankets all the time.

It was an undercover operation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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Dad Joked the wife in 2 languages

So I'm British and my wife is Korean. She is ALWAYS asking for tissue to wipe her nose as it's constantly running.

So joke 1: Baby, are you entering your nose in a marathon? Wife puzzled look Because it's always running.

This led to a problem, she didn't understand it straight away. I was incensed, I explained it and got a few laughs from the family but it wasn't enough, I needed the groan.

The next meal I tried again. In Korean, snot is called Nose water (direct translation). So with this in mind I said this 'Baby, we should send your nose to africa, it's full of water'. This led to the groan I so wanted....and an explaination as to why it was stupid....

Mission sucessful

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OptimusYale
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2014
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Someone bet I couldn’t eat a bowl of spaghetti in one bite

It was my mission in pasta bowl

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lefife14
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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Siri makes dad jokes too
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wenzela
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2013
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The underwater vehicle team turned in a good proposal to NOAA...

The sub-mission submission was excellent!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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Son was playing Need For Speed...

He's doing a mission (I'm barley paying attention). I glance up and there's 2 cop cars trying to stop him. They get on either side of him and pinch him to a stop.

Son: Dang. The cops got me.

Me: What happened? Did they cop block you? (still chuckling to myself)

BTW, He's only 7 years old. He has no idea why I thought it was funny. My wife gave me the look of disapproval, so success was had.

Edit: I just want to let everyone know that I didn't notice my barely/barley mistake until after the hop joke below. Thanks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigDildo
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2014
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