There are 3 rings in a failed marriage:

Engagement ring

Wedding ring

And suffering...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AesSedai99
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A husband and wife were at a marriage counselor. The wife complained, "he only talks about Star Wars! I've had it. I'm leaving him!" The counselor turned to the husband: "well?"

The husband looked at his wife and said, "divorce is strong with this one."

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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My time in the Boy Scouts really made me a supporter of gay marriage

It’s where I learned you can tie the knot in different ways

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/8675309ice
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Define Marriage....

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelors degree and a woman gets her masters.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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Nate's mother asked him to delay the marriage by an year...

she wanted his fiance to mari_nate.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abionic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...

My wife just tells me which ones to wear.

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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My wife said last night "You treat our marriage like it's some sort of game"

Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance

πŸ‘︎ 246
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage and values.

Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name"!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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Marriage goal
πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugvijay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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Thanks to our mutual dislike of newspaper puzzles, my wife and I have enjoyed a long and happy marriage. Thirty years and...

...never a crossword...

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Therapist: It seems like you have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you understand the symptoms?

Man: Can’t say that I do.

Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A couple is in marriage counseling and the wife tells the therapist that the husband never buys her flowers...

The husband says that he didn’t know she sold flowers

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MCVeteran69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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My English grammar teacher was having some marriage problems and it was really getting to him, so the whole class joined in to buy him a gift

After we bought him a simple present, he was past tense

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πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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My 4 day work week is like my 21 year marriage

No hump day

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do less marriages take place in winter

Because most of the brides get cold feet.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/asian_despot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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What's the difference between a 10 yr job and a 10 yr marriage?

The job still sucks after 10 years

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My parents used my Uber to go and file the application ending their marriage.

I gave the driver one star. He drove my parents to divorce.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sebfazio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Marriage is like a card game.

At first, you have two Hearts and a Diamond, but at the end, you'll want a Club and a Spade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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Marriage is like a deck of cards

It starts with Hearts and Diamonds and ends with a Club and a Spade

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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Did you know the letter β€œH” in marriage represents happiness?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swimtoodeep
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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Is it the position of the full stop or going to prison is better than marriage?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/star72846
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to own 3 ski lodges, one in the Alps, one in Aspen and one in France. When I got divorced the first 2 times, my exes each got a lodge as part of the settlement. The third marriage, I decided I needed a prenuptial agreement to cover my assets. It was all I could do!

It's my last resort!

Edit: changed "it was" to "it's"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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Thought you'd appreciate my dadjoke marriage proposal

Back when i got engaged in 2009, my now-wife and i went for a picnic. I had the engagement ring wrapped in tinfoil in the picnic bag.

When we were done eating, i took it out but didn't unwrap it, and then i sneakily dialed her cell number. This was a bit we would do every now and then (call each other in the same room) so it wasn't that unusual.

She picks up the phone and says, "oh hello, why are you calling?"

To which i respond, "Oh i just felt like... [Unwraps tinfoil] Giving you a ring"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2017
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My marriage is slowly turning into a melon farm.

I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.

πŸ‘︎ 661
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife said that videogames were ruining our marriage

Well that's a Far Cry...

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Isokuovi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
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I had a marriage counselling session with my wife and we were prescribed Marital Arts classes, after which our relation became more violent...

I'm starting to think the therapist didn't make a spelling mistake.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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What fruit always has a traditional marriage?

Cantaloupe

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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My wife just said that in order for our marriage to work, we both need to make sacrifices.

I’m thinking of choosing a goat.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...

"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Marriage is grand!

But a divorce is 10 grand

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExpertAccident
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I made this cake for my stats teacher who got engaged. Our class is confident the marriage will be for a lifelong interval.
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neat_one
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me: "Why have you been reading our marriage certificate for an hour?"

I'm looking for the expiration date.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brisquet
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/svk7sarthak
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Marriage isn’t just a word. It’s a sentence.

A life sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ERMAHDERD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
They say marriage is like a workshop.

Where the man works and the women shops.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thelaanie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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After making out with my clone, I kept talking about how in my day, we didn't have sex until marriage.

There I go dating myself again.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emperorchaz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is gay marriage an issue?

Some people are fucking assholes!

πŸ‘︎ 169
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shawnnerz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife always said she believes in abstaining from sex before marriage...

The way things are going, I now think she meant her second marriage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoliceScanner
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A healthy marriage is often like disappointing electronics

Battery’s not included

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GEEZusChristman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Marriage has its pros and cons..

On one hand you get to wear a ring. On the other hand, you don’t.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Marriage

Marriage is a 3 ring circus, fist comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, after that comes the suffering.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elbrule
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Therapist: You have acute marriage phobia. Do you understand the symptoms?

Me: I can’t say that I do.

Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
There are 3 rings in marriage

Engagement ring Wedding ring Suffering

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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Marriage, it had a nice ring to it.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/susgunner-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers

I didnt know she sold flowers

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/322dank
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report

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