There are 3 rings in a failed marriage:
Engagement ring
Wedding ring
And suffering...
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︎ Nov 27 2020
A husband and wife were at a marriage counselor. The wife complained, "he only talks about Star Wars! I've had it. I'm leaving him!" The counselor turned to the husband: "well?"
The husband looked at his wife and said, "divorce is strong with this one."
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︎ Nov 20 2020
My time in the Boy Scouts really made me a supporter of gay marriage
Itβs where I learned you can tie the knot in different ways
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︎ Oct 16 2020
Define Marriage....
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelors degree and a woman gets her masters.
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︎ Nov 11 2020
Nate's mother asked him to delay the marriage by an year...
she wanted his fiance to mari_nate.
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︎ Oct 24 2020
After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...
My wife just tells me which ones to wear.
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︎ Sep 19 2020
My wife said last night "You treat our marriage like it's some sort of game"
Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance
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︎ Jun 16 2020
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage and values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name"!
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︎ Aug 29 2020
Marriage goal
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︎ Apr 29 2020
Thanks to our mutual dislike of newspaper puzzles, my wife and I have enjoyed a long and happy marriage. Thirty years and...
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︎ Jul 08 2020
Therapist: It seems like you have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you understand the symptoms?
Man: Canβt say that I do.
Therapist: Exactly. Thatβs the main one.
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︎ Dec 09 2019
A couple is in marriage counseling and the wife tells the therapist that the husband never buys her flowers...
The husband says that he didnβt know she sold flowers
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︎ Jun 15 2020
My English grammar teacher was having some marriage problems and it was really getting to him, so the whole class joined in to buy him a gift
After we bought him a simple present, he was past tense
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︎ May 01 2020
My 4 day work week is like my 21 year marriage
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︎ May 07 2020
Why do less marriages take place in winter
Because most of the brides get cold feet.
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︎ Nov 21 2019
What's the difference between a 10 yr job and a 10 yr marriage?
The job still sucks after 10 years
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︎ Feb 20 2020
My parents used my Uber to go and file the application ending their marriage.
I gave the driver one star. He drove my parents to divorce.
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︎ Jan 05 2020
Marriage is like a card game.
At first, you have two Hearts and a Diamond, but at the end, you'll want a Club and a Spade.
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︎ Aug 23 2019
Marriage is like a deck of cards
It starts with Hearts and Diamonds and ends with a Club and a Spade
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︎ Feb 19 2020
Did you know the letter βHβ in marriage represents happiness?
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︎ Sep 06 2019
Is it the position of the full stop or going to prison is better than marriage?
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︎ Apr 17 2019
I used to own 3 ski lodges, one in the Alps, one in Aspen and one in France. When I got divorced the first 2 times, my exes each got a lodge as part of the settlement. The third marriage, I decided I needed a prenuptial agreement to cover my assets. It was all I could do!
It's my last resort!
Edit: changed "it was" to "it's"
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︎ Jan 08 2020
Thought you'd appreciate my dadjoke marriage proposal
Back when i got engaged in 2009, my now-wife and i went for a picnic. I had the engagement ring wrapped in tinfoil in the picnic bag.
When we were done eating, i took it out but didn't unwrap it, and then i sneakily dialed her cell number. This was a bit we would do every now and then (call each other in the same room) so it wasn't that unusual.
She picks up the phone and says, "oh hello, why are you calling?"
To which i respond,
"Oh i just felt like...
[Unwraps tinfoil]
Giving you a ring"
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︎ Mar 03 2017
My marriage is slowly turning into a melon farm.
I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.
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︎ Oct 26 2018
My wife said that videogames were ruining our marriage
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︎ Oct 27 2019
I had a marriage counselling session with my wife and we were prescribed Marital Arts classes, after which our relation became more violent...
I'm starting to think the therapist didn't make a spelling mistake.
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︎ Jan 02 2020
What fruit always has a traditional marriage?
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︎ Aug 01 2019
My wife just said that in order for our marriage to work, we both need to make sacrifices.
Iβm thinking of choosing a goat.
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︎ May 24 2019
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...
"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
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︎ Oct 07 2019
Marriage is grand!
But a divorce is 10 grand
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︎ Oct 06 2019
I made this cake for my stats teacher who got engaged. Our class is confident the marriage will be for a lifelong interval.
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︎ Mar 24 2019
My wife asked me: "Why have you been reading our marriage certificate for an hour?"
I'm looking for the expiration date.
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︎ Sep 10 2019
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
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︎ Mar 06 2019
Marriage isnβt just a word. Itβs a sentence.
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︎ Jun 21 2019
They say marriage is like a workshop.
Where the man works and the women shops.
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︎ Aug 21 2019
After making out with my clone, I kept talking about how in my day, we didn't have sex until marriage.
There I go dating myself again.
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︎ Jul 29 2019
Why is gay marriage an issue?
Some people are fucking assholes!
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︎ Feb 21 2018
My wife always said she believes in abstaining from sex before marriage...
The way things are going, I now think she meant her second marriage.
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︎ Jun 20 2019
A healthy marriage is often like disappointing electronics
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︎ Jun 14 2019
Marriage has its pros and cons..
On one hand you get to wear a ring. On the other hand, you donβt.
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︎ Apr 12 2019
Marriage
Marriage is a 3 ring circus, fist comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, after that comes the suffering.
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︎ Jul 21 2020
Therapist: You have acute marriage phobia. Do you understand the symptoms?
Me: I canβt say that I do.
Therapist: Exactly. Thatβs the main one.
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︎ Oct 20 2019
There are 3 rings in marriage
Engagement ring
Wedding ring
Suffering
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︎ Nov 24 2019
Marriage, it had a nice ring to it.
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︎ Apr 10 2019
Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers
I didnt know she sold flowers
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︎ Jun 25 2019
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