So I tried marmalade for the first time the other day...

It's not my jam

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHumbleFarmer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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Why couldn't the owner of the marmalade company take a break?

His schedule was jam packed...obviously.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/DidlyDeePotato
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2015
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Why was the strawberry late for school?

because it was stuck in a jam

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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My son asked if he could use the garage so he could jam with his band.

I broke the bad news: we only have marmalade in this house.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ‘€︎ u/RagingBone69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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I want to create a Pink Floyd album cover out of cereal.

I think I’ll call it the dark side of the spoon.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ‘€︎ u/_normski
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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My wife just asked me "What's the difference between dates and prunes?"

My response: "You can't take a girl on a prune."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ‘€︎ u/-rabid-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2015
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Just finished watching Paddington 2

That marmalade sure gets him out of a lot of jams.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/floodums
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
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Dad's only joke ever

Knock Knock Who's there? Marmalade Marmalade who? Marmalade to close to Papa and that's why I'm here.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ‘€︎ u/baddabuddah
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2013
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G'day reddit. Been a dad since October 2014, and just yesterday these hit me..

It started off pretty innocently. I was at work doing work stuff (I'm an apprentice boilermaker if you want to know) and came up with this...

Q. How did the bacon get to hospital? A. In the HAMbulance.

Kinda just snowballed from there...

Q. How did the sheep get to hospital? A. In the RAMbulance.

Q. How did the oyster get to hospital? A. In the CLAMbulance.

Q. How did the marmalade get to the hospital? A. In the JAMbulance.

I decided to post my hilarity on Facebook, and my brother in law dropped this one:

Q. How did the martial artist get to hospital? A. In the JEANCLAUDEVANDAMMEbulance.

And my sister chimed in too:

Q. How did the Beaver get to hospital? A. In the DAMbulance.

The next thing I knew, it just wouldn't stop...THEY JUST KEPT COMING OUT OF MY BRAIN!

Q. How did the sweet potato get to hospital? A. In the YAMbulance.

Q. How did the Indian get to hospital? A. In the PAPADAMbulance.

Q. How did the other Indian get to hospital? A. In the WIGWAMbulance.

Q. How did the insomniac get to hospital? A. In the DIAZAPAMbulance.

Q. How did the baby get to hospital? A. In the PRAMbulance.

Q. How did The Flash get to hospital? A. In the SHAZAMbulance.

I went to bed around 8.30pm. NO SLEEP FOR ME, MORE DAD JOKES TO THINK ABOUT!

Q. How did Sean Penn get to the hospital? A. In the IAMSAMbulance.

Q. How did Dr Suess get to the hospital? A. In the SAMIAMbulance.

Q. How did the exhibitionist get to hospital? A. In the WEBCAMbulance.

Q. How did the 80's pop stars get to hospital? A. In the WHAMbulance.

Q. How did the air hostess get to hospital? A. In the PAN-AMbulance.

Q. How did the POW get to hospital? A. In the VIETNAMbulance.

I'm pretty much spent at this point, but thought I would share with you guys. Maybe you've got more of your own to add?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/azureal
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2015
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My dad joke at breakfast

Eating my English muffin, point to my wife for to pass the fruit preserves my way:


Groans all around.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/hamlet_d
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2014
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