I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.
...im-peck-able.
Okay kill me
Because they will be 'grand-dad jokes'
This morning my family was gathered around the table at breakfast...
Me: Oh hey look there's a cardinal out by the tree My dad: Is the pope out there with him?
Horrifying...
We flipped on the TV the other night and happened to come across a documentary on the mating ritual of the grouse. As the males danced on the lek, majestically splaying their feathers and swelling their neck sacs, my wife looked at me and said:
My wife: "Are you as turned on as I am?"
Me: "Absolutely. You could consider me highly agroused."
Oh, how I bathed in the cringe-worthy look on her face. Huzzah!
We got to this rocky enclosure they made for mountain goats, who were all just hanging out on this huge rock face. Right at the top there was this really big goat, looking all majestic with a very fluffy coat.
Girl: Look at that one at the top, he's looking over the rest like some kind of big boss.
Me: Yeah, they call him the Goatfather.
She walked away while I keeled over in laughter.
So my daughter was filling out a form that was asking if she has left the country recently. Well, technically she has. She took a canoe trip over the border into a wilderness area.
I told her that since she didn't go to any populated areas or contact any wildlife that she could just say no. She argued and said "Well, i mean i did come into contact with Canadian water and land."
I said, "Well, that's different. You know Canadian water has a different chemical composition, right?"
She just looked at me.
"Yeah, it's H2O A?"
[my parents bickering like a married couple] My mom: don't get snippy! Lance: my hairdresser gets a bit snippy sometimes
Everyone else: good lord that was majestic
