The majestic thoroughbread imgur.com/Vy6kiSD
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πŸ“…︎ May 15 2015
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The birdseed was so beautiful, so majestic, so delicious, the chicken found it...

...im-peck-able.

Okay kill me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsfakenoone
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2016
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The majestic unicorn. Look at those ears!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luyidraws
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2017
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When I grow old, the 'dad jokes' I will make will be majestic...

Because they will be 'grand-dad jokes'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chinmay7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2017
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My dad ruined seeing a majestic bird

This morning my family was gathered around the table at breakfast...

Me: Oh hey look there's a cardinal out by the tree My dad: Is the pope out there with him?

Horrifying...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OhyeahOhio
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2014
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Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.

I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dasbett311
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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Went to the Zoo with this girl I'm seeing...

We got to this rocky enclosure they made for mountain goats, who were all just hanging out on this huge rock face. Right at the top there was this really big goat, looking all majestic with a very fluffy coat.

Girl: Look at that one at the top, he's looking over the rest like some kind of big boss.

Me: Yeah, they call him the Goatfather.

She walked away while I keeled over in laughter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ViolentWanderer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2016
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Canadian Water

So my daughter was filling out a form that was asking if she has left the country recently. Well, technically she has. She took a canoe trip over the border into a wilderness area.

I told her that since she didn't go to any populated areas or contact any wildlife that she could just say no. She argued and said "Well, i mean i did come into contact with Canadian water and land."

I said, "Well, that's different. You know Canadian water has a different chemical composition, right?"

She just looked at me.

"Yeah, it's H2O A?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFurrypants
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2016
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A family friend named Lance brought some fatherly flavour to my parents' last Christmas party

[my parents bickering like a married couple] My mom: don't get snippy! Lance: my hairdresser gets a bit snippy sometimes

Everyone else: good lord that was majestic

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2013
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My wife brought it on herself...

We flipped on the TV the other night and happened to come across a documentary on the mating ritual of the grouse. As the males danced on the lek, majestically splaying their feathers and swelling their neck sacs, my wife looked at me and said:

My wife: "Are you as turned on as I am?"

Me: "Absolutely. You could consider me highly agroused."

Oh, how I bathed in the cringe-worthy look on her face. Huzzah!

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πŸ“…︎ May 22 2015
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