Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.
Now I can't read anything.
Turns out, he only does odd jobs.
Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- absoutely briliant
Elongate
$129.95 at JC Penny Portrait and Framing Studio
Number 3 will shock you
And the guy says “how many tattoos I have now”
One, ein, un, bat, ekab, moja, wahed, odin, yski
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡A playlist.
He puts it in elf-abetical order.
Wife: (being sweet) thank you! What am I ever gonna do without you?
Me: Everything! Without me, you’re gonna have to do everything on that list.
Wife: groans and rolls eyes
-excerpt from my upcoming song "Walken in a Winter Wonderland"
Shirts? Yup. Pants? Yup. Sweatpants? Yup. Nikes? CHECK!
Edit: Grammar
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
But No pun in ten did.
But it's up there.
so she wrote down everything
Mine is just pail in comparison.
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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An absolute cracker
I thought to myself, "Boy this looks like a real recipe for disaster!"
Because they're naughty-cal
I call it the flip charts.
Me: “Chamorro? It’s Chursday.”
So far for States I have: Catifornia North and South Catolina Oklahomeow Oregato Furorida Mew York, Jersey, Hampshire, Mexico Connectikitty
For cities I have: Mew York Kitty Felinedelphia San Digato Mewmphis Chigato San Furanciso Indianapawlis Clawmbus
I told her there's no way we could do all that in 30 seconds.
Now I can't read anything.
Now I can't read any of it
But now I can't read anything.
Now I can't read it.
Johnny: “3, 5, 6, 1, 8, 9, 2, 4, 10 and 7”
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 0.
Mine is just a little pail in comparison.
- My
- Favorite
- Dad
- Jokes
"Yell for help!" wasn't one of them.
