The new sailor, Leo, asked me where the ship's cook could be found.

I said, "He's in the Galley, Leo."

I swear, that guy struts around like all the planets revolve around him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
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Poor Leo
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BionicCreeper15
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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50 shades of Leo imgur.com/Qkw4ngR
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hammer94
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2017
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Poor Leo
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brownie79
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2014
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My dad and I were discussing Leo's role on Titanic when...

'Hey now, Dad, don't hate on DiCaprio. He's a saint, and has never won an Oscar despite his many Oscar-worthy roles." "I think only the Food Network can determine that. " "The Food Network?" "Yeah. What kind of rolls are you talking about?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theChristy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2013
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A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection...

The judge asks, β€œFirst offender?” The wife replies, β€œNo, first a Gibson, then a Fender.”

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dohpaz42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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Putting my son to be and he starts jumping in the bed and doing the regular bed time silly business. I get up to walk out and say β€œI’m going out now”

He replies with β€œI’m Leo”. 10/10

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trickymickey8
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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Did you survive the titanic based on your zodiac sign?

Aries: Yes Taurus: Yes Gemini: Yes Cancer: Yes Leo: No Virgo: Yes Libra: Yes Scorpio: Yes Sagittarius: Yes Capricorn: Yes Aries: Yes Pieces: Yes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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Dadjoked girlfriend's cat

Cat always gets in bed with us at night. Walks and purrs and paws at us. Last night he jumped up on the bed, walked onto my chest and I immediately said, "Leo, do you knead something?" ...and he did

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
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A bit of a read for a pun but...

So, my grandfather by the name of Leonard might lose his foot soon, due to diabetes/infection. Not at all hilarious, sure, but me and him have an awesome sense of humor. He lost his toe a few weeks back and I asked him if they placed it in a jar. He said, "No, they made it into stew."

My mother was less than pleased with our toe jokes but that was not the groaning moment.

A series of texts about my grandfather losing the entire foot ensues between my uncles, mom, sister and I. It went like this:

Me: If gramps loses his foot, in the worst case of scenarios, how would I go around asking the OR to put it in a jar? (directed to my sister who's a nurse)

Mom: OMG. Bad.

Sister: Ew. Lol.

Sister: http://giphy.com/gifs/jar-AuSAduPrXkDgk

Me: Oh man, if in forty years I'm ever at a family reunion all drunk, I'd be doing that. "Come my niece/nephew/grandchild! Speak of all your woes to the foot!"

Mom: STOP! Bad Grandchild!

Sister: You need a nap.

Me: I'd put the foot in an estate so that

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mof920
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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Dad joked myself tonight (Oscars spoilers)

I'm watching the Oscars tonight, and after seeing Leo's performance, my mom said he had a 40s look to him, and I said "that's probably why he played such a Great Gatsby"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ansakicus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2016
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Was watching "What about Bob?" last night...

Dr. Leo Martin: "I just want some peace and quiet!"

Bob: "Okay, i'll be quiet."

Sigmund "Siggy": "And i'll be peace!"

Siggy is going to be a great dad some day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattieWookie69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2014
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