Hanging out with Leo must be fun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_NamFlow_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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The new sailor, Leo, asked me where the ship's cook could be found.

I said, "He's in the Galley, Leo."

I swear, that guy struts around like all the planets revolve around him.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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Poor Leo
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ‘€︎ u/BionicCreeper15
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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50 shades of Leo imgur.com/Qkw4ngR
πŸ‘︎ 261
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hammer94
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2017
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Poor Leo
πŸ‘︎ 175
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brownie79
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2014
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My dad and I were discussing Leo's role on Titanic when...

'Hey now, Dad, don't hate on DiCaprio. He's a saint, and has never won an Oscar despite his many Oscar-worthy roles." "I think only the Food Network can determine that. " "The Food Network?" "Yeah. What kind of rolls are you talking about?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/theChristy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2013
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I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
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An Astrologist and Law Enforcement Officer are on a date

Astrologist: I’m an Aries, what’s your sign?

Cop: I’m a LEO.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/tritheist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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Leonardo Di Caprio

Leo di Caprio is neither a Leo, nor is he a Capricorn. He's a Scorpio.

This pisces me off....

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/dizzytechie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Historians have proved that people from every zodiac sign survived the Sinking of the Titanic

Except Leo

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. ..

After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection...

The judge asks, β€œFirst offender?” The wife replies, β€œNo, first a Gibson, then a Fender.”

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/dohpaz42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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Did you survive the titanic based on your zodiac sign?

Aries: Yes Taurus: Yes Gemini: Yes Cancer: Yes Leo: No Virgo: Yes Libra: Yes Scorpio: Yes Sagittarius: Yes Capricorn: Yes Aries: Yes Pieces: Yes

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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Dadjoked girlfriend's cat

Cat always gets in bed with us at night. Walks and purrs and paws at us. Last night he jumped up on the bed, walked onto my chest and I immediately said, "Leo, do you knead something?" ...and he did

πŸ‘︎ 218
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
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Dad joked myself tonight (Oscars spoilers)

I'm watching the Oscars tonight, and after seeing Leo's performance, my mom said he had a 40s look to him, and I said "that's probably why he played such a Great Gatsby"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ansakicus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2016
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A bit of a read for a pun but...

So, my grandfather by the name of Leonard might lose his foot soon, due to diabetes/infection. Not at all hilarious, sure, but me and him have an awesome sense of humor. He lost his toe a few weeks back and I asked him if they placed it in a jar. He said, "No, they made it into stew."

My mother was less than pleased with our toe jokes but that was not the groaning moment.

A series of texts about my grandfather losing the entire foot ensues between my uncles, mom, sister and I. It went like this:

Me: If gramps loses his foot, in the worst case of scenarios, how would I go around asking the OR to put it in a jar? (directed to my sister who's a nurse)

Mom: OMG. Bad.

Sister: Ew. Lol.

Sister: http://giphy.com/gifs/jar-AuSAduPrXkDgk

Me: Oh man, if in forty years I'm ever at a family reunion all drunk, I'd be doing that. "Come my niece/nephew/grandchild! Speak of all your woes to the foot!"

Mom: STOP! Bad Grandchild!

Sister: You need a nap.

Me: I'd put the foot in an estate so that it can be passed down for many generations. It'll be the GrandPAW of Leo!

Mom: OMG

Sister: Ha!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/mof920
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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Was watching "What about Bob?" last night...

Dr. Leo Martin: "I just want some peace and quiet!"

Bob: "Okay, i'll be quiet."

Sigmund "Siggy": "And i'll be peace!"

Siggy is going to be a great dad some day.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattieWookie69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2014
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