When I was little I saw this kid in my neighborhood dragging around a loaf of bread on a leash. To be funny, I said β€œHey, you have a beautiful dog!”, he responded,

β€œThanks, it’s pure bread!”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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Son: β€œI’m gonna take the dog for a walk”

Dad: β€œok great. Collar. Leash.”

Son: β€œno dad. Call her sparky!”

So proud of my son for coming up with this on the spur of the moment!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drgrd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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What do you call a pig on a leash?

Pulled Pork.

Happy fathers day! Ate at a ribfest and this joke came to mind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BasketFool
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
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What state is it illegal to walk your deer without a leash and collar on?

Collar-a-doe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/walkerspider
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
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What’s a bald eagle’s leash favorite fish food?

Hairring.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Domthehuman1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
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Apparently my grandfather used to draw a picture with two guys and a boob on a leash.

Then would tell you it's just two guys walking abreast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evilone17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2016
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A blind man walks into a bar with his guide dog.

Then he starts spinning his leashed dog around himself. The bartender asks him what the Hell is he doing, and the blind man goes:

"Just looking around..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alexasha05
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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First campaign? Staff will have him on a short leash. mediaite.com/online/dog-a…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rpconnolly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2014
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I was walking up the aisle at my local Home Depot and spotted a cranky looking old man in an orange vest.

β€œExcuse me, could you help me?” I asked.

He grunted in response, barely looking at me.

β€œUm, I’m looking for a way to keep my dogs in my backyard. Do you know where those electric leashes are? I’m trying to decide if I should try that or just block it off with a fence or something.”

He turned to face me and looked me up and down with disdain, β€œDo we look like a pet store?” And he turned around and walked away.

I took a fence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgold0
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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Why don't blind people go skydiving

It scares the dog

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ratonacliffe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2017
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What do my wife and dog have in common

They both get excited when i bring out the leash

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andrija6897
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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I took my dog to the vet yesterday...

When I walked in, I saw a lady holding a leash attached to a miniature pony. I asked what was wrong with it, she said "he's just a little hoarse."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reptarticle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
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My wife and I are having a competition to see who can steal the most dog related stuff from our local petshop.

I've just taken the lead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDemeisen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2016
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Why can’t dogs buy cars?

Because they’re not allowed to break their current leash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatWanPerson
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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One of my favorite singers
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Primes4Life
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2018
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When my wife walks the dog, I always help her get the dog ready.

It's the leash I can do.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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I just finished loading the dishwasher.

Me: Welp, should we run it?

Wife: We can, but I don't think the leash is big enough.

Got a huge laugh out of me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mapguy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2015
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I started walking my dog everyday...

she has a new leash on life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teeim
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
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Made a legal dad joke!

I work part time as a court clerk.

So I'm sitting in with the judge and another employee about a citation for a person who had a dog off leash and out of a fenced area cited for "running at large" so I asked "so if it's a small dog are they cited for 'running at small'?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DontNeedNoBadges
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2015
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At Subway...

I was at Subway today with my Dad when a girl walks in with a puppy on a leash. Without hesitation, he goes 'Look! A subwoofer!'

Dammit Dad...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kirkauburn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2014
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Got my girlfriend the other day

There is an impossible knot in my dog's leash. As I grabbed it to walk the dog I noticed it was no longer there.

Me: Wow you got the knot out! Her: Yup I had to use a screwdriver to loosen it.

I leash up my pup, walk out the door and close it. Suddenly it hits me and I scramble for my keys and I hold up the leash as I burst the door open with a big smile on my face.

Me: It was knot expected! A short pause as figures out what is going on. Her: GET OUT OF HERE!

I spent the whole dog walk giggling to myself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lang_Zai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2015
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So my dad

...just came in from walking our new puppy. He had her chain leash looped over and hooked on itself around his neck. He says, "Look, I'm Mr. B.! Get it?! Like Mr. T.!! Except our last name starts with 'B'!!!!!" He then proceeded to eat an apple and chuckle heartily for the next few minutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ianjoebag
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2013
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