A dad joke so bad (good?) it killed my brain

My family is on the mailing list for the National Arbor Day Foundation, so we get begging letters from time to time.

In the most recent one, there was an additional flier that had the phrase "Hurry! You don't want to leave behind all the great benefits of being a member of the Arbor Day Society!"

I was immediately disappointed that they didn't say "You don't want to LEAF behind..." I then got SUPER excited to tell this joke to my wife who was in the other room, so I run in to tell her the joke, but by that point, I was so jazzed about the leaf pun, I completely forgot the rest of the phrase, so all I could babble out was (and this is literally what I said) "Something something LEAF! Something something something," all the while giggling like a madman. I have not heard the end of it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crepusculi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2016
🚨︎ report
Just gonna leaf this here
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YourLocalRuncle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
A _Leaf Blower_
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Az_Aujla
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Should I give it another stab or leaf it as is?
πŸ‘︎ 337
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fliskiedatboi28
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a man going up a hill with a trolley full of horseshoes, four leaf clovers and rabbit's feet...

I thought, β€œWell he's pushing his luck!”

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chicken that has a lettuce leaf in its eye?

Chicken sees a salad

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Leaf her.
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/how2crtaccount
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.

Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/assafstone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Autumn leafs

If 10 Nissan leafs have a pile up on the motorway is that a autumnmoblie accident?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fred_Stone6
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I just found out the country of Canada is a complete work of fiction.

It’s all Maple leaf

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/berryman85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I would leaf a joke here but I have nothing intreesting to say
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NeoMarethyu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Ambushed
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Just watched two Silkworms chase each other up a leaf..

..It ended in a Tie

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Lettuce take a moment to appreciate this salad pun.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Leaf it out
πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ll4m4bell
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
So encouraging
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brainless_buster
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued...

"It’s cutting hedge technology!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.

Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BilhoeBaggins
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Pandemic Puns
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/egarske1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I know it's bad but leaf me alone... you're the root of all my problems.
πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gaeboomering
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Random_420-69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover

I told her I was pressing my luck

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I was raking and found a hornet's nest

I couldn't bee leaf it

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/benjo-drums
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Thought I would toss this one in
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tribelawn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife saw an ant picking up a leaf 5 times its body weight, and told me, β€œCan you imagine being that strong?”

So I picked up the leaf and said, β€œYes.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
We got a new air mattress but it was too lumpy. We called customer support, very angry, demanding our money back!

They said we were blowing it out of proportion.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Just a treemendous pun!
πŸ‘︎ 845
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hilloviikot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm trying to come up with a good tree pun

But I'm stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rockboxatx
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Iceberg! Right ahead!
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aliciab12
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife just threw away my favourite herb.

She's such a Thyme waster

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CMDR_Gungoose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I came out to my Car this morning, and it was completely covered in fallen leaves..

..you could call it an Autumnobile now !

πŸ‘︎ 196
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I just got a letter from a herb and spice company demanding the $100 I owe them.

If I don't pay them within a week, they have threatened to send the bay leafs around.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Son: "So, Dad, why did you name me leaf?"

Dad: "After you were born, while we were taking you home, a leaf landed on your head."

"Is that why my sister is named Rose?"

"Yep."

"Blarghgghrblaeeeurp"

"Shut up brick"

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Multiple_Melons
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour asked me β€œHey, how much wood did you chop today?”

I said, β€œNot sure. Let me check the logs.”

πŸ‘︎ 194
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an indoor plant?

An intro-vert

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Grocery store lettuce know we can leaf with safe food
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ucchan801
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife wanted to plant flowers

Problem is she hasn’t botany.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What did a tree say to its annoying neighbor?

Leaf me alone

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/twozon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I stole this, just leaf me alone
πŸ‘︎ 734
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IUserThisName
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the worst household item?

The vacuum cleaner, because it sucks!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/homovalleygirl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I decided to turn over a new Leaf.

I'm now banned from all Nissan dealerships.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I wood say this is funny Abut I’ll leaf it up to you guys to decide.
πŸ‘︎ 765
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dogsaretheanswer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Leaf no stone unturned until all heads roll.
πŸ‘︎ 484
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/134282
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
There was a man who a had an entirely wooden car. Wooden frame, wooden wheels, wooden engine. Did he ride it? No.

It wooden start.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MonkeyLord_11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Take it or leaf it
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Today I saw a man pushing a wheelbarrow full of four leaf clovers,rabbits feet and horseshoes.

He was really pushing his luck

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.