Damn Good Lawyering
"Yes, Your Honor, my client ripped the arms off of every teddy bear in the store. But as I recall, the second amendment states he has the right to bear arms."
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︎ Dec 02 2018
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︎ Jan 18 2009
My friend Robert is a lawyer who specializes in helping convicted people by getting their records erased permanently. Everyone calls him...
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︎ Dec 23 2020
What do lawyers wear to work?
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Giving a lawyer a retainer
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︎ Dec 17 2020
What does a lawyer wear to work?
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Whatโs a lawyerโs least favorite cheese?
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︎ Nov 18 2020
Why did the strawberry get a lawyer?
โCause it was in a jam!
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︎ Dec 11 2020
What did the lawyer use when he went fishing?
Deโbaitโ!
or, alternate punchline:
Bating tactics!
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︎ Dec 06 2020
Iโm not saying a word without my lawyer present
Cop: But you are the lawyer?
Me: Then whereโs my present?
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︎ Nov 12 2020
You shouldnโt take a lawyerโs advice over emails
Because that would be
E-legal.
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︎ Nov 22 2020
Why did the lawyer yell at his housekeeper?
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︎ Nov 23 2020
When I become a lawyer, I want to defend a penguin....
Just so I can say, "Your honour!! My client clearly isn't a flight risk."
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︎ Nov 15 2020
My lawyer advised me of a hernia mesh replacement lawsuit
Sounds like a huge pain in the butt
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︎ Oct 14 2020
I heard you can get lawyers at Ikea now.
They're very affordable, but you have to build your own case.
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︎ Oct 25 2020
When asexual become lawyers they're
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︎ Sep 24 2020
Lawyer - Is it crime to throw salt in someone's eyes?
Judge - Yes, that's assault!
Lawyer - I know it's a salt but is it a crime?
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︎ Sep 25 2020
What did the lawyer say when he put his luggage to sleep?
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︎ Sep 10 2020
Did you know that lawyers are buried 12 feet deep when they die?
Apparently deep down they are good people.
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︎ Oct 21 2020
Lawyer vs. Tailor
Tailor: you said the there was one hole the pocket only, there are definitely more!
Lawyer: I lied, sew me!
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︎ Sep 06 2020
My wife has a lawyer's boobs
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︎ Aug 07 2020
The biggest fan of U2 was a penniless lawyer
Everything he did was pro Bono
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︎ Jul 30 2020
A Renaissance era lawyer lost his law license for insulting the king...
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︎ Sep 21 2020
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
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︎ Sep 01 2020
If you get in an accident and need to see a lawyer about it, just be careful..
They'll add consult to injury
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︎ Sep 24 2020
My wife's mother is a lawyer.
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︎ Jun 14 2020
I stole a lawyerโs underwear right before court.
Thereโs no way heโll succeed without his legal briefs.
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︎ Jun 28 2020
My complete jerk of a brother is a Karate expert, a Chef and a Lawyer!
Dad calls him "Chop Suey."
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︎ Aug 23 2020
What Do You Call a Lawyerโs Underwear?
Legal briefs
I canโt take credit for this joke; I got it from Frasier.
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︎ Aug 17 2020
A man sitting in an interrogation room says โIโm not saying anything without my lawyer present!โ
The policeman says โYou are the lawyer!โ
โExactly, so whereโs my present?โ Replies the lawyer.
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︎ Jul 28 2020
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
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︎ Dec 26 2020
What's a lawyer's favorite town?
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︎ Aug 07 2020
A lawyer wakes up after surgery
He asks the nurse why the blinds are drawn.
She says, "There's a fire outside and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."
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︎ Jul 13 2020
An epidemiologist, a scientist and a doctor walk into a bar...
...just kidding, they know better.
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︎ Oct 26 2020
How do lawyers say goodbye ?
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︎ Jul 16 2020
What kind of letter does a lawyer send a chemist he wants to stop doing something?
A cesium and desist letter.
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︎ Aug 10 2020
What do you call a preist turned lawyer?
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︎ Jul 07 2020
Two lawyers were comparing clients.
The first one claims his client is trapped in a penny. Answering the second lawyer's confused look, he says, "My client is in a cent."
the second lawyer nods, then says, "Well. My client is a fish head steeped in hot water. You could say he's gill tea."
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︎ Jul 03 2020
What did the picture tell the lawyer?
Help! Iโve been framed.
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︎ May 24 2020
Me: Iโm not saying a word without my lawyer present, Cop: You ARE the lawyer
Me: So whereโs my present?!
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︎ Nov 08 2020
What did the lawyer use when he went fishing?
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︎ Sep 11 2020
What do lawyers wear to work?
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︎ Jun 16 2020
What does a lawyer wear to court
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︎ May 30 2020
What type of underwear do lawyers wear to court?
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︎ Jun 21 2020
A man in an interrogation room says, โIโm not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You ARE the lawyer!"
The lawyer shrieks, "Exactly! So whereโs my present?!"
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︎ Jun 09 2019
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