Damn Good Lawyering
"Yes, Your Honor, my client ripped the arms off of every teddy bear in the store. But as I recall, the second amendment states he has the right to bear arms."
My friend Robert is a lawyer who specializes in helping convicted people by getting their records erased permanently. Everyone calls him...
What do lawyers wear to work?
Giving a lawyer a retainer
What does a lawyer wear to work?
What’s a lawyer’s least favorite cheese?
Why did the strawberry get a lawyer?
What did the lawyer use when he went fishing?
De’bait’!
or, alternate punchline:
Bating tactics!
I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present
Cop: But you are the lawyer?
Me: Then where’s my present?
You shouldn’t take a lawyer’s advice over emails
Because that would be
E-legal.
Why did the lawyer yell at his housekeeper?
When I become a lawyer, I want to defend a penguin....
Just so I can say, "Your honour!! My client clearly isn't a flight risk."
My lawyer advised me of a hernia mesh replacement lawsuit
Sounds like a huge pain in the butt
I heard you can get lawyers at Ikea now.
They're very affordable, but you have to build your own case.
When asexual become lawyers they're
Lawyer - Is it crime to throw salt in someone's eyes?
Judge - Yes, that's assault!
Lawyer - I know it's a salt but is it a crime?
What did the lawyer say when he put his luggage to sleep?
Did you know that lawyers are buried 12 feet deep when they die?
Apparently deep down they are good people.
Lawyer vs. Tailor
Tailor: you said the there was one hole the pocket only, there are definitely more!
Lawyer: I lied, sew me!
My wife has a lawyer's boobs
The biggest fan of U2 was a penniless lawyer
Everything he did was pro Bono
A Renaissance era lawyer lost his law license for insulting the king...
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
If you get in an accident and need to see a lawyer about it, just be careful..
They'll add consult to injury
My wife's mother is a lawyer.
I stole a lawyer’s underwear right before court.
There’s no way he’ll succeed without his legal briefs.
My complete jerk of a brother is a Karate expert, a Chef and a Lawyer!
Dad calls him "Chop Suey."
What Do You Call a Lawyer’s Underwear?
Legal briefs
I can’t take credit for this joke; I got it from Frasier.
A man sitting in an interrogation room says “I’m not saying anything without my lawyer present!”
The policeman says “You are the lawyer!”
“Exactly, so where’s my present?” Replies the lawyer.
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
What's a lawyer's favorite town?
A lawyer wakes up after surgery
He asks the nurse why the blinds are drawn.
She says, "There's a fire outside and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."
An epidemiologist, a scientist and a doctor walk into a bar...
...just kidding, they know better.
How do lawyers say goodbye ?
What kind of letter does a lawyer send a chemist he wants to stop doing something?
A cesium and desist letter.
What do you call a preist turned lawyer?
Two lawyers were comparing clients.
The first one claims his client is trapped in a penny. Answering the second lawyer's confused look, he says, "My client is in a cent."
the second lawyer nods, then says, "Well. My client is a fish head steeped in hot water. You could say he's gill tea."
What did the picture tell the lawyer?
Me: I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present, Cop: You ARE the lawyer
Me: So where’s my present?!
What did the lawyer use when he went fishing?
What do lawyers wear to work?
What does a lawyer wear to court
What type of underwear do lawyers wear to court?
A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You ARE the lawyer!"
The lawyer shrieks, "Exactly! So where’s my present?!"
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
