You wooden have guessed it, but this platypus is very knotty.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ja-visst
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02 2019
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My masseuse told me I was a very knotty guy.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/another_day_in
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 02 2017
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Why don't trees get Christmas presents from Santa?

They're too knotty.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dr_Wheuss
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2020
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I pooped out a rope!!!

I sh*t you knot!!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RSGaming0416
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 15 2020
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What secret society loves to eat pretzels?

The Illumi-Knotty

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BobIsMyCableGuy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2020
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My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.

Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/baileywiki
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 25 2020
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I tried my hand at macrame and felt bad about it.

When I looked at my finished work, I realized that I did something that was very knotty.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sarchasm-Spelunker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 27 2020
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What do you call bad hair?

Knotty.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/aestheticmarshmallow
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2020
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Two pretzels were walking down the street...

One got assaulted.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Passerby49
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 26 2019
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My daughter's hair is so tangled and frustrating.

It's knotty

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bonenigma
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 05 2020
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I just stole a bunch of wood from Home Depot

It was a lumber jack

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BillnTedsTelltaleAdv
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 06 2020
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What was the disobedient beaver’s favorite kind of wood?

Knotty pine

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/n07myusername
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 19 2020
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What do you call a bad piece of string?

Knotty

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RSGaming0416
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 15 2020
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Why did the shoelace have to go to time out?

Because it was knotty.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CMoy1980
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 15 2020
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When my wife and I role play, she likes to pretend I'm a rope

she wants me to be extra knotty

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 20 2018
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How do you know when you're going to have a bad hair day...

when your hair is being... knotty!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Thesheas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2019
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Why was the pine tree sent to time out?

Because it was knotty

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ghstmnky
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 15 2019
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Why did the tree get put in time-out?

It was being knotty.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ultra-saurus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 25 2017
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My girlfriend was feeling naughty last night.

So my girlfriend asked me to help her brush her hair cause she said it was knotty. This is our conversation

GF: Hey can you brush my hair real quick? It's knotty.

ME: Sure but let me slip into something more comfortable.

GF: Why?

ME: Cause it's naughty (also had my best sexy face on)

GF: ... Ugh...

Needless to say she's brushed it herself.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 478
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Maverickthegreat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 16 2015
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I like my women like my laces...

Knotty

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zberry97
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 07 2018
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Afraid not
πŸ‘οΈŽ 41
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fuckaquaman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2012
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Why don’t strings get any presents for Christmas?

Because they’re always on the knotty list.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nrith
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 17 2017
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My daughter told me her shoes were being naughty...

...I told her, "They can't be knotty. They don't have laces!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CAdamH
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 12 2017
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Got my daughter this morning while brushing her hair.

"Looks like your hair made it on the knotty list."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 143
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xelobain
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2014
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If all I can think about all day is shoelaces, is that irony?

I like to think knot.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tobophos
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 14 2015
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Have you seen this flexible string that dances?

It's very knotty, roped me right in.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MaximusVecchitto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 19 2017
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My coworker was complaining about her hair to me

I told her to be careful or might end up on the knotty list.

Happy holidays, everybody!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NosyargKcid
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2016
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I out-dadded my dad today

Sister: "Daddy, my hairs really knotty"

Dad: "Well maybe you-"

Me: "Sounds like it's getting coal in its stocking this year"

Turns out he was right about to say almost exactly that

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wootiown
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 03 2016
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Got my girlfriend today. And i ain't even a dad.

She came over to my house for a bit tonight and were getting kinda frisky. Her glasses fell off the top of her head and got tangled in her hair and we had to stop to get them out. When she finally did, she said "Sorry my hairs a little knotty." Without skipping a beat i said "I love it when you're 'knotty'." Que the end of frisky times. Worth it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HighFlyinMerc09
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2015
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She didn't hear it the first time so I had to make it twice.

Context: Getting a massage from my lady friend last night. I had a pretty rough knot in my shoulder.

Her: "I can't get this knot out where did it come from?"

Me: "I must have been naughty [knotty]" I started laughing.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing, it was a terrible joke."

5 minutes later: "Seriously, this knot wasn't there last week why is it so hard to get out?"

"I must have been really naughty"

I got a groan that time, confirming she heard it. "Was that the joke you said 5 minutes ago?" Yes. Yes it was.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/steve_anus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 14 2015
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Girlfriend got me last night...

ME: "I wish I could get one of those massages before bed every night!"

HER: "but then you wouldn't be so knotty!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rb_wiggles
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 24 2016
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Mom was telling us about Papa John's..

So my mom brought up that she's been seeing Papa John's commercials for their garlic knots, and how they now have cinnamon knots too. I said we should try them next time we have pizza, when dad hit us with this: "Let's get knotty!!" I haven't laughed that hard at the dining table in a very long time.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The_X-Wing_Ace
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2015
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My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day

My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"

He's advancing so quickly.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Papa-Dam
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 12 2015
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Sea captains, sailors, and coffee.

Sea captains are nautty, sailors are knotty, coffee is not tea.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/unbiasedfanboy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 24 2013
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I got my daughter with one today, it was amazing.

Getting ready for school, she's brushing her hair and is crying because it is knotty. I told her she needs to give it a time out. I got the look of "seriously?", then a small smile

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jameswg
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 13 2013
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