You wooden have guessed it, but this platypus is very knotty.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ja-visst
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My masseuse told me I was a very knotty guy.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/another_day_in
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the 2 x 4 get sent to his room?

It was knotty! Hey YO!!!! (I really am sorry…)

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnymclargehuge
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
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Everyone should own a good piece of neckwear

It can really tie an outfit together

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tim_owens
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I like my women like a pile of Lowe’s precut studs:

Cheap, stacked and knotty

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
My daughter told me she was having a bad hair day...

...it was very knotty.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bcjgreen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the nice rope get for XMAS?

Everything it wished for, it wasn't knotty.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_hardeeharhar_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't trees get Christmas presents from Santa?

They're too knotty.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Wheuss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I pooped out a rope!!!

I sh*t you knot!!!

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RSGaming0416
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What secret society loves to eat pretzels?

The Illumi-Knotty

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BobIsMyCableGuy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried my hand at macrame and felt bad about it.

When I looked at my finished work, I realized that I did something that was very knotty.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.

Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baileywiki
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Two pretzels were walking down the street...

One got assaulted.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Passerby49
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I just stole a bunch of wood from Home Depot

It was a lumber jack

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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My daughter's hair is so tangled and frustrating.

It's knotty

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonenigma
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What was the disobedient beaver’s favorite kind of wood?

Knotty pine

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/n07myusername
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the shoelace have to go to time out?

Because it was knotty.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CMoy1980
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bad piece of string?

Knotty

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RSGaming0416
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
🚨︎ report
When my wife and I role play, she likes to pretend I'm a rope

she wants me to be extra knotty

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the tree get put in time-out?

It was being knotty.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultra-saurus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2017
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend was feeling naughty last night.

So my girlfriend asked me to help her brush her hair cause she said it was knotty. This is our conversation

GF: Hey can you brush my hair real quick? It's knotty.

ME: Sure but let me slip into something more comfortable.

GF: Why?

ME: Cause it's naughty (also had my best sexy face on)

GF: ... Ugh...

Needless to say she's brushed it herself.

πŸ‘︎ 480
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maverickthegreat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2015
🚨︎ report
Afraid not
πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuckaquaman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2012
🚨︎ report
Why was the pine tree sent to time out?

Because it was knotty

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghstmnky
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don’t strings get any presents for Christmas?

Because they’re always on the knotty list.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nrith
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2017
🚨︎ report
My daughter told me her shoes were being naughty...

...I told her, "They can't be knotty. They don't have laces!"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CAdamH
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2017
🚨︎ report
Got my daughter this morning while brushing her hair.

"Looks like your hair made it on the knotty list."

πŸ‘︎ 137
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xelobain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2014
🚨︎ report
If all I can think about all day is shoelaces, is that irony?

I like to think knot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tobophos
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Have you seen this flexible string that dances?

It's very knotty, roped me right in.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaximusVecchitto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2017
🚨︎ report
My coworker was complaining about her hair to me

I told her to be careful or might end up on the knotty list.

Happy holidays, everybody!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NosyargKcid
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2016
🚨︎ report
Got my girlfriend today. And i ain't even a dad.

She came over to my house for a bit tonight and were getting kinda frisky. Her glasses fell off the top of her head and got tangled in her hair and we had to stop to get them out. When she finally did, she said "Sorry my hairs a little knotty." Without skipping a beat i said "I love it when you're 'knotty'." Que the end of frisky times. Worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HighFlyinMerc09
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2015
🚨︎ report
I out-dadded my dad today

Sister: "Daddy, my hairs really knotty"

Dad: "Well maybe you-"

Me: "Sounds like it's getting coal in its stocking this year"

Turns out he was right about to say almost exactly that

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wootiown
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2016
🚨︎ report
She didn't hear it the first time so I had to make it twice.

Context: Getting a massage from my lady friend last night. I had a pretty rough knot in my shoulder.

Her: "I can't get this knot out where did it come from?"

Me: "I must have been naughty [knotty]" I started laughing.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing, it was a terrible joke."

5 minutes later: "Seriously, this knot wasn't there last week why is it so hard to get out?"

"I must have been really naughty"

I got a groan that time, confirming she heard it. "Was that the joke you said 5 minutes ago?" Yes. Yes it was.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/steve_anus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend got me last night...

ME: "I wish I could get one of those massages before bed every night!"

HER: "but then you wouldn't be so knotty!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rb_wiggles
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2016
🚨︎ report
Mom was telling us about Papa John's..

So my mom brought up that she's been seeing Papa John's commercials for their garlic knots, and how they now have cinnamon knots too. I said we should try them next time we have pizza, when dad hit us with this: "Let's get knotty!!" I haven't laughed that hard at the dining table in a very long time.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_X-Wing_Ace
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2015
🚨︎ report
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day

My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"

He's advancing so quickly.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Papa-Dam
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2015
🚨︎ report
Sea captains, sailors, and coffee.

Sea captains are nautty, sailors are knotty, coffee is not tea.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unbiasedfanboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2013
🚨︎ report
I got my daughter with one today, it was amazing.

Getting ready for school, she's brushing her hair and is crying because it is knotty. I told her she needs to give it a time out. I got the look of "seriously?", then a small smile

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jameswg
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
🚨︎ report
Why do trees never get Christmas Presents?

Cause they’re so knotty.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WilliHam1218
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call bad hair?

Knotty.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you know when you're going to have a bad hair day...

when your hair is being... knotty!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thesheas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I like my women like my laces...

Knotty

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zberry97
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2018
🚨︎ report

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