Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume knob stuck on full."

I thought, "I can't turn that down."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AffectionateNot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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I was so angry when the door knob broke off my front door.

I couldn’t handle it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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The door knob on my front door is two feet off the ground

It’s low-key annoying

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GraciousTacious15
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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Since everyone has started washing their hands, door knobs just don’t taste the same.

Sorry

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πŸ‘€︎ u/floppywinky
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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Went into a Salvation Army store and saw a radio. It was turned up full blast but the volume knob was missing. It only cost 1 dollar.

I said boy I can’t turn this down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Momorah
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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My wife doesn’t think I can install knobs on our cabinets

But I can handle it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stefanopolis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
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I used to be in a band called "The Hinges"

We opened for The Doors

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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I never thought learning how to install a door knob would pay off...

But it has really opened a lot of doors for me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brophyg4
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2018
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I got offered an amazing deal today, someone offered to sell me a stereo with a broken volume knob!

I couldn’t turn it down!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlainPup
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
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My wife got mad at me for have sexual affairs with inanimate objects

I told her it was one night stand...

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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An man at a bar didn’t want his wife to know he was out all night. But he was so drunk he couldn’t even stand and had to crawl all the way back home on all fours.

He got home he reached up for the door knob and opened the door, crawled upstairs and into his bed with his wife. His wife in the morning said β€œWhy were you out all night?” He said β€œHow did you find out?”

She said β€œThe bar called. They said you left your wheelchair again”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeGoHungaBunga
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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There's no escape
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πŸ‘€︎ u/not_sample_text
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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Crosspost from r/memes
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πŸ‘€︎ u/valluusio
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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My son looked at me with a silly grin and asked, "What do you and an antique door have in common?" I shrugged and replied, "I haven't a clue, what?" He explained...

"You're both worth more than you used to be, even though you're unhinged and your knobs don't work!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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What did the door knob say to the new welcome mat?

"Hi you must be Matt." The mat replies "Haha, you're so dorky" "No I've just got a little door key in me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mclevin05
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2015
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Knock knock...

A husband is hanging out in the kitchen doorway when his wife needs to check on dinner. She says would you move ? He says you need to grab my knob and pull . She sighed and says DON’T BE A DOOR MATT !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigMOUTH107
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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Why mustn’t you buy Ukrainian pants?

Cos Cher-knob-yl fall out!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JP091404
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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I knew a guy and i used to turn him to open doors

The guy was a knob

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πŸ‘€︎ u/byeses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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Why couldn't the man open the door?

He couldn't handle it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zlipher
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2016
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What do Left Handed people hate the most?

Not being right.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArmoredSpearhead
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2016
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My Girlfriend is the best...

She has beautiful long black hair, flowing half way down her back...

Not on her head but half way down her back.

Her teeth are so even!

1, 3, 5, and 7 are missing.

At night I would take her into the corn field and kiss her between the ears...

One night it was extremely foggy outside and I mist.

Basically, you could tell she was a farmers daughter because it was hard to "a tractor"

Sometimes I call her (knob) because she is one to adore.

Even wrote her a song entitled "How can I love you if you never go away"

The best...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wicked-Spade
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
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The Sound of Monks

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound.The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave.Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."The man sa,ys, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk."The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks."In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound."The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door."The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door!With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the kno

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nemofish3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
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My friend was told to use a margarine tub as a protective cup...

...but he was afraid he'd get a knob of butter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RafflesEsq
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2014
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Some stories I'd like to share.

I had been driving for a few years and had just moved off to college.

I was on my way back home to visit and it got dark during my drive. My headlights and radio worked but my dash lights were not coming on. When I got home I asked my dad about it and he said he'd go take a look. He went outside then comes back in the house just a few minutes later.

Me: "Did you find out what the problem is?"

Dad: "I think so."

Me: "Well, what was it?"

Dad: "I'll have to show you tomorrow, if I'm right then we're going to have fun working on your truck all morning."

We wait until morning, and dad wakes me up to go work on my truck. We go outside and he has me walk him through the entire problem again. Which lights were working and which were not, has me start the truck a few times and has me do the same troubleshooting I did the night before. I was getting frustrated and told him I tried absolutely everything.

Then he says "I think there's one thing you forgot." He points at a knob by the steering wheel. I looked at where he was pointing and it hit me. It's the damned the dash-light dimmer switch, and it was set to it's lowest (dimmest) position. When I looked back up at him he just had the biggest grin on his face. He then went into a full explanation on how this knob worked, knowing full well that I already knew what that knob did. Which, by the way, I'm sitting on the driver's seat and he's standing at the driver's side door. So I had no way to walk away from this embarrassing moment. All I could do was look down at the steering wheel and listen to him enjoying his joke.

Bonus story #1:

I'm in my 30s and one of my friends is a 74 year old guy that I play pool with. He always asks me what I've been up to, and one time I told him I met a girl.

He got excited and said "Do you have any pictures of her?" So I showed him a few pictures of us together.

Old man: "She's beautiful! She sounds like a keeper."

Then he leans in with a grin and says "Do you have any naked pictures of her?"

Me: "No way!"

Old man: "Do you want to see some?"

Bonus story #2:

That same old man was at our friend's wedding. He's sitting at the table with his wife and a bunch of other people. The conversation is about how they have been married for 50+ years. He says "I don't know how she's put up with me for this many years. But I've always told her that she can leave whenever she wants to, cause I'm comin' with her."

His wife explained that she has heard all of his jokes so

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JIGGLY_BALL
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
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Don't know if this counts or not

Wife and I went to chili's for dinner. As you know their door knobs are in the shape of a chili. When I grabbed the knob to open it I let go quickly and acted as if it was hot. Wife jumped and asked what's wrong and I said with a grin "that chili is hot"

She did not find it as funny as I did. Lol

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coreystang85
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2015
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Turn on the light?

Oooooh, Light! You are so seeexxxxy! I looove your knob!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pizzamike64
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2013
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I was so angry when the door knob broke off of my front door.

I couldn’t handle it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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I saw an ad on Craigslist for a free radio. The only thing wrong with it was that the volume knob was stuck on high.

I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iwillhavethat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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Saw an ad that said "Radio for sale, $1. Volume knob stuck on full"

I thought, "I can't turn that down "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZappBrannigansLaw
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2017
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A saw a $1 radio for sale that said the volume knob was stuck on full blast

At that moment I knew I couldnt turn it down

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattxfish
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
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Today I saw a radio for sale. It said β€œ$1, volume knob broken. Volume stuck at max.”

I though to myself, β€œI can’t turn that down.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Disarray215
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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