Today is the Ides of March, when Caesar was famously assassinated. But what most people don't know is that he wasn't stabbed, but poisoned, by Hemlock leaves in his salad - hence the name "Caesar's Salad." When Brutus asked how many Hemlock leaves Caesar ingested, Caesar said:

Ate two, Brute.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 15 2021
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I ingested some scrabble tiles

My next bathroom trip could spell disaster!!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 06 2020
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Recently, monkeys escaped from an animal testing lab and broke into the adjacent chemistry lab. Some ingested potassium metal and exploded.

There were Rhesus pieces everywhere.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 04 2019
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My coworker is lactose intolerant and accidentally ingested something with milk

And when when they ran the the restroom I asked:

"Do you think they're having dairy-a?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wATEVERmAn69
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 31 2019
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A friend once told me he ingested a large amount of counterfeit coins to avoid being caught with them...

he was full of non-cents.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Floodlight
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18 2015
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A man choked to death after ingesting mashed chickpeas.

At first it was thought to be a freak accident but police are now treating it as a humuside.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/moreton91
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 19 2021
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The best time of day to ingest eggs is at the crack of dawn.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kickypie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 19 2021
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Must Ingest Nutritional Supplement #42
πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HueyLameass
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 16 2020
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What do cannibals ingest to freshen their breath?

Men toes.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 188
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 12 2019
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Dating me is like ingesting NH3

Either way, you'll end up with A Moan In Ya.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Kirbstah
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 07 2017
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Food contamination warning!

Hope this is the right sub but this is something I need to share. Do not eat peanuts right now, if you do examine them carefully. There has been a fungus that has infected most of the peanut crops in north America. From the outside they look fine but if you bite into the nut you may notice a small black center. By then it's too late. The black center at early stages can cause digestive issues but if the entire nut is black it can cause failure of the nervous system and respiratory complications. There are pests that have laid their eggs in these plants and tiny microorganisms have developed in these plants. They leech into the fruit causing the black color. Ingestion can cause all sorts of troubles from diarrhea to death. These creatures are fatal. That's why you should always watch out for the creature from the black legume.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/prawncracker92
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 11 2020
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One of my boy scouts asked me, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?"

I said, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all."

So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.

I continued, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 28 2017
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As a pharmacist who usually writes instruction labels for oral medications...

Most of what I say to patients is ingest.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cheweduproach
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 10 2019
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Why is Warren Buffett so healthy for his age?

Through value ingesting

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wallesis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2019
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What do you call it when someone eats something as part of a joke?

Ingest in jest.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sketchapotamus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 06 2017
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Oh no, not another food pun!

 Relax ... it's only ingest.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tqgibtngo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2017
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My son thought I was joking when I wanted him to stop dithering around and eat his food.

I thought I was pretty serious sounding. I said it, "Ingest!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/borgenhaust
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 19 2018
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What did the mouth say to the stomach after his joke wasn't well received?

It was all ingest.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dyspaereunia
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 10 2016
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Did you hear the joke about eating things?

It was all ingest, of course.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jrkirby
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 04 2013
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How do you know when a large intestine is telling a dad joke to the small intestine?

He’s saying it ingest.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2018
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What do cannibals ingest to freshen their breath?

Men toes.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 90
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 12 2019
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